I know I'm not alone, but I could use help!

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Jgmclendon
Jgmclendon Posts: 11
in Motivation and Support
I've been doing this for a while. I've lost and gained and lost. Well I'm not as skinny as I would like to be but I'm only 30 lbs over weight . I feel like my husband is not attracted to me anymore. When we met I was really skinny with long hair. Now I'm over weight with short hair. ive doing good but he doesn't really think doing actual exercise or anything. I e
Want to lose weight for me. To feel good about myself, but knowing im not that big and he I guess puts down on me makes it hard. Why are some things I can do where I know he can't watch me. I want to lose without him knowing. He is mostly home so its hard to do videos and stuff.

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  • Jgmclendon
    Jgmclendon Posts: 11
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    I want to do it fast but healthy.
  • nurse_carolyn
    nurse_carolyn Posts: 348
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    Why is it that you don't want him to know? It might make it easier to reach your goals if he is aware. My whole family knows what my goals are because it's a lifestyle change not only for me, but for all of us.
  • jenbusick
    jenbusick Posts: 528 Member
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    You could walk at the mall and let him think you're shopping. There might even be a gym there. Just keep your gym stuff in your trunk.
  • pbolton16
    pbolton16 Posts: 87
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    Well??? I really think you just need to do this just for you. What you could do is just start off on daily walks 30-60 mins at a pretty good pace. Use MFP everyday to count whats going on with food and exercise. 1.5-2lbs I think is a safe way to do this things. I know you want it fast but it will come in time. Start out with something like that and get a video ( hide it) and when he leaves... Burn time..
    It will happen and I wish you the best. I'm sorry he is not supportive in your efforts. I think there must be something at the core that maybe he needs to fix but I'm not a marriage counselor just a MFP guy so I''ll let you all get that one with a professional.
  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,293 Member
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    I want to do it fast but healthy.

    Fast and healthy typically don't go well together for weight loss. Slow and steady wins the race. With only 30 lbs to lose your weekly loss goal should be no more than 1 lb/week, which is recommended by MFP. Good luck and stick with it.
  • gr82run
    gr82run Posts: 48 Member
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    Two things come to my mind reading your post. One is about the weight loss, try to do 1200 cals a day. Just reduce your portions and make sure the food you're eating is healthy. Get in exercise where you can. Next, your husband's dissatisfaction is more a sign of something else. A man should love you for "who you are" not what you look like. Obviously, that being said, MOST men would prefer a woman to look good, it's human nature. But if he really distances himself and doesn't accept you because of those issues, in my opinion, that would be a flag for marriage counseling. I've been married 27 years and been up and down so often with my weight. My husband would tell you he loves when I'm healthy but has never said or acted any differently when I was overweight. Just sayin, change for yourself, not for him.
  • ninalinda1014
    ninalinda1014 Posts: 2
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    Hello,

    You're certainly not ALONE. I will encourage and be there for you whenever you need to talk. Like you, I've put on some pounds, but my fiance is very supportive. I couldn't imagine not having that support system, so my heart hurts for you. So, lets put on our big girl panties and do this!!!!!!

    Tell me what I can do to support you and you've got it!!!!!!
  • Sweetcheeks278
    Sweetcheeks278 Posts: 356
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    Why can't you tell him? It's going to be very difficult to "hide" loosing from him when you are going to have to eat healthy and exercise. You could take walks or run but he is still going to see that you are doing that.
  • YvetteSmith69
    YvetteSmith69 Posts: 28
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    There is no such thing as fast and healthy if you want to lose weight and keep it off. Healthy is eating right and working out every day. I did the "fast" diet a couple years ago and it was great! I lost 27 pounds in 3 months. I just stayed in the 1200 a day calorie range and worked out for a minimum of 30 minutes a day. I also made sure I was getting the right amounts of protein, fiber, carbs, and fat everyd day. A lot like I am doing now. I managed to keep all but 5 pounds of that off over the past two years but am back on to lose even more. I have 20 to go and I am determined to make it happen. Good luck to you.
  • sla0814
    sla0814 Posts: 240
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    Welcome! We're all here for you! However, I've gotta tell ya that losing weight weight fast and it being healthy is like oil and water. Slow weight loss (2 lbs a week max lost, yes it can vary and sometimes be more especially in the beginning) is better on your body and it'll stay off longer!

    Eat fresh clean foods, exercise more, drink tons of water, and you'll have to research what works best for your body from there. I would go on and on what worked for me but everyone's body is different!

    And about your husband...That is unfortunate you think he feels that way but you know what? I'm pretty sure he married you for the person you are, the big heart you have, and more...NOT just your looks :). Talk to him! Also, I would seriously think about why you're losing weight because if it's for your husband, you'll never be satisfied in the process and might resent your husband along the way. You gotta do it for yourself girl!:)

    Anywho, I hope this helps.

    Have an awesome day!!

    God Bless!
  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,293 Member
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    Two things come to my mind reading your post. One is about the weight loss, try to do 1200 cals a day. Just reduce your portions and make sure the food you're eating is healthy. Get in exercise where you can. Next, your husband's dissatisfaction is more a sign of something else. A man should love you for "who you are" not what you look like. Obviously, that being said, MOST men would prefer a woman to look good, it's human nature. But if he really distances himself and doesn't accept you because of those issues, in my opinion, that would be a flag for marriage counseling. I've been married 27 years and been up and down so often with my weight. My husband would tell you he loves when I'm healthy but has never said or acted any differently when I was overweight. Just sayin, change for yourself, not for him.

    She probably does not need to go as low as 1200. With the amount she has to lose her deficit should not be too large or she will risk losing a high % of lean muscle instead of fat. Stick with a goal of 1 lb/week to be safe, and when you get to your last 10-15 lbs switch your goal to 0.5 lbs/week.
  • dmhaag
    dmhaag Posts: 172 Member
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    Well I'm not sure that keeping your husband out of the loop and "losing weight behind his back" is neccesarily the best idea. You could tell him you are doing it to be healthier and not to "lose weight," and that you won't force him to change his lifestyle.

    But if you are determined to not let him know, you might go running or go to a gym when you "go to the grocery store." I am not sure if you go to the grocery a few times a week, or run other errands without him, but that would be the perfect time to add and extra 30 mins out of the house doing some exercise.

    You won't really be able to prepare yourself different meals without him knowing, but you could try visibly cutting your portions in half that you normally eat. Just make sure you aren't starving yourself. You could also just not eat let's say the starchy sidedishes you might make for him, but just eat the protein and veggies. Try to log on here best as you can. Add me if you want support.
  • jenbusick
    jenbusick Posts: 528 Member
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    Why is it that you don't want him to know? It might make it easier to reach your goals if he is aware. My whole family knows what my goals are because it's a lifestyle change not only for me, but for all of us.

    I think I understand. Sometimes when another person knows about something like this, s/he wants to help, but the help is not so very helpful. "Well, if you really want to lose weight, you have to do circuit training!" (to somebody who's barely up to calesthenics in the living room) or "You must not really want to lose weight or you wouldn't be having that ice cream" to someone who has actually planned for that indulgence. It just makes it harder. Sometimes it's easier if you don't have to put up with unhelpful help.
  • TranceGirl
    TranceGirl Posts: 121 Member
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    I think you've made the most important decision yet and that is you have decided you want to get healthy. I agree with Carolyn, I think you should tell him so he could help you. I don't believe any husband would be opposed to their wife working out. Always remember that exercise go hand-in-hand. If you lose weight only my drastically cutting your calories, you will gain all of the weight back the day you let go of your diet.

    Working out makes you feel sexy, improves you endurance (important for the bedroom), boosts your self confidence, and definitely gets you in shape! I personally love workout videos because I don't have time to get dressed for the gym, drive there, and honestly I don't feel like paying for the membership when I know my videos can successfully kick my butt in under and hour. I like P90X, Insanity, Hip Hop Abs, Jillian Michaels 30 day shred, etc.

    If you would like to get out of the house in order to workout, you should pick a gym that has a lot of classes. It is a lot easier to get involved when the instructor is telling you what to do and pushing you instead of going on the elliptical for 30 mins everyday. That's boring and doesn't get you results.

    If you have any other questions feel free to friend me. I'd love to help you out!
  • jenbusick
    jenbusick Posts: 528 Member
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    You won't really be able to prepare yourself different meals without him knowing, but you could try visibly cutting your portions in half that you normally eat. Just make sure you aren't starving yourself. You could also just not eat let's say the starchy sidedishes you might make for him, but just eat the protein and veggies. Try to log on here best as you can. Add me if you want support.

    Hmm, as to preparing different meals... one thing I did when I started trying to eat healthier, was to make a list of all the meals we usually eat at home -- things I usually prepare. And I sorted them, into the "healthier" ones and the "less healthy" ones. Then I started making up a meal list, and only making one of the "less healthy" options once a week -- for some of the really unhealthy options, I decided I would not have them more than once a month. Nobody in the household complained, because we were having the same food as always, I just changed up the mix so that we were eating the healthier stuff more often and the unhealthy stuff less often.

    Another thing you can try is to make what you DO make more healthfully. I've switched our household to cheese made with 2% milk (low fat cheese) and nobody has noticed. Years ago I switched out canned fruit in syrup to canned fruit in fruit juice and nobody noticed, and now I've got them eating mostly fresh fruit.

    So there are tricksy little things you can do, and combine them with portion control, and get where you need to be without being hassled by the rest of the household.

    I wish you the very very best.

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