Sad news

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pftjill
pftjill Posts: 488
in Motivation and Support
So last week my FIL passed. It has been hard for my husband and it seems hard for him to be happy right now, which is totally understandable.

So what has been hard for me is his family lives in NY. We live in Utah. So we didn't have the money to fly us all out there. So my husband flew out. We probably saw him like once a year. What I am saying is I was not able to be there and it hasn't set in for me. So I try not to believe it, but it is constantly creeping into my head that this really happened. So therefor I have not been able to sleep. I don't know what to do. It just hits me every night when I am about to go to sleep. I have been staying up until 1 or 2 am so I am really tired and can't help but sleep. Last night I tried going to bed at a decent time, but ended up waking at 2:30am and still not being able to sleep after that. I guess I just wonder if I was able to have the closure of the funeral I would be better with this. I just don't know. This is just crazy and I just can't believe he is gone:(!!

Replies

  • rhirvo
    rhirvo Posts: 162 Member
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    Maybe you are feeling a little remorseful that you couldn't go with your husband but you made the decision together that he would go alone and maybe in some time you can put aside the money to go back to new york with him and get that closure together.
  • taldie01
    taldie01 Posts: 378
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    So sorry for your loss
  • jennyocox
    jennyocox Posts: 143
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    Is it possible to have some sort of ceremony or service with the family that are in Utah? Even if it's not a church thing, just something you do at home maybe? Maybe going through the processes might help. I'm sure it wouldn't hurt for your husband to get the opportunity to grieve with you too.
  • felly07
    felly07 Posts: 43 Member
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    Is it possible to have some sort of ceremony or service with the family that are in Utah? Even if it's not a church thing, just something you do at home maybe? Maybe going through the processes might help. I'm sure it wouldn't hurt for your husband to get the opportunity to grieve with you too.

    What a great idea.

    OP I'm so sorry for your loss.
  • ginabina13
    ginabina13 Posts: 202
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    I'm so very sorry for your loss...I'm sure it's hard not being able to be there with your husband and say your good byes. This may sound crazy, but I'm a strong believer that once a person passes they're spirit is always around. My dad passed away 4 years ago last month, and even though I was with him we he passed I still struggle with his death on a daily basis. I know he's with me all the time though, I feel his presence often, some days more than others. When I feel the need, I just talk to him. I say what I need to say, things I should have said before he passed away. I probably look like an idiot, but it helps and i know he's listening. Maybe you should try it. Just talk to your FIL, like he's in the room with you and tell him how you feel. I'm sure a lot of your feelings stem from guilt about not being able to be there, or not being able to spend time in previous years...I'm sure he understands your situation, but talking to him may help. Hang in there!
  • maureendonahue
    maureendonahue Posts: 468 Member
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    I am so sorry for your loss.

    What you are going through is normal, and it will get better. It just takes time.

    I lost my mom and my best friend within days of each other in January, and went through the same thing. To help me sleep (a little), I made sure I cut down on caffine, tried to stay very busy during the day (with 10 siblings coming in from around the country and a funeral to plan that part was easier) and when all else failed, I took some Tylenol PM for a couple of days, just to get back into a good sleeping pattern. (Doctor suggested that one.) I generally don't like medications, but it did help.

    Don't be surprised if in a few weeks all you want to do is sleep either. It's all part of the grieving process.

    My deepest sympathies to you and your family.
  • BeckyRayJohnson
    BeckyRayJohnson Posts: 88
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    Im sorry for your loss and your inaiblity go with hubby. It takes a long time sometimes to accept a loss especially when we cant be part of the funeral or memorial. In time it will sink in. Your hubby will need you when he is home and it will be more real to you then. Both of you will be hit with moments of sorry for a long time. You will be okay though. Sending warm thoughts and prayers.

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