Weight loss is a funny thing..
ceceblackstock327
Posts: 40 Member
Weight loss is a funny thing.
At first people congratulate you and tell how wonderful it is that you're changing your lifestyle. Then they'll begin to tell you how amazing you're looking, and encourage you to continue.
As you get closer to your goal, then all of a sudden, they make comments that you're to thin, or that you're wasting away. Or if you allow yourself a a treat, they'll comment that you shouldn't eat that, or even worse, if you decline something offered to you, they'll say something like "what, are you to good for that?"
Suddenly people whom you've known, and have supported you, begin to be somewhat cold and distant...
What the heck is up with that?! I'm doing this for me, and nobody else!
Sorry, I just needed to express this..
At first people congratulate you and tell how wonderful it is that you're changing your lifestyle. Then they'll begin to tell you how amazing you're looking, and encourage you to continue.
As you get closer to your goal, then all of a sudden, they make comments that you're to thin, or that you're wasting away. Or if you allow yourself a a treat, they'll comment that you shouldn't eat that, or even worse, if you decline something offered to you, they'll say something like "what, are you to good for that?"
Suddenly people whom you've known, and have supported you, begin to be somewhat cold and distant...
What the heck is up with that?! I'm doing this for me, and nobody else!
Sorry, I just needed to express this..
22
Replies
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Yes yes YES! This! It's been driving me nuts!
I haven't even lost anything over the last 2 months and people keep telling me I'm too skinny and that I'm going to get sick. It blows my mind! I have a healthy BMI and body composition. Still have some jiggle I'd love to lose. I can run for hours. Eat a nutrient dense diet and yet I'm going to be the one that's sick?!
I've been told it's jealousy coming out in a weird way. Not necessarily of how I look, but the motivation and dedication it takes to turn down all of the cookies and cakes and bad food that is constantly offered at my work. Not sure about all of that, but I'm learning to let it roll off my back I guess. Even though if I reverse that and say "you're getting too fat" then that's fat shaming and I'm a bad person.10 -
That's sad
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Same! I'm actually at the higher end of my healthy BMI, and would also like to go a little lower.. I guess I need to learn how to let it roll off my back too.. It's hard because some of these people have been my support group!4
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True dat. I'm technically still obese and I got my first "You're going to dry up and blow away" comment from a dear slim friend Sunday. She was just being congratulatory.2
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I agree. Do what is right for you, and nobody else. My personal goal is to loose 10lbs, some people think that's crazy-but that's the weight I felt healthiest at...1
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I have seen this. They are jealous of how hard you worked and know they couldn't do it.0
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Turning down cookies and cake and such makes people feel irritated with themselves because they don't or didn't. Just realize they are taking out their own issues on you.5
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People today seem to ALWAYS be concerned about what others do or think, than pay attention to themselves.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I'm fortunate in that there are only a very few people in my life who feel the desire to comment on my changed body. I didn't lose weight for anyone but me, and I didn't discuss it in any but the most minimal way. For example, if someone offered me a brownie at a office meeting, I would say that I was working to get healthier and that included planning my food for the day ahead of time to make sure I got enough protein/fiber etc., so thank you but no thank you. I never mentioned trying to lose weight because I didn't want people commenting on my success or failure although as the 70 pounds dropped off, more people noticed without me saying anything.
My mother kept telling me I was getting too thin every time I saw her (weekly). Finally I told her I was done losing and starting maintenance. Since then I've lost another 7 pounds while increasing my calories but she hasn't noticed. I think this is because in her mind I'm not losing anymore so she isn't watching for changes. Someone at work made the comment about blowing away. I tilted my head and with a confused look on my face said, "Do you mean that as a compliment?" Lucky for me they did, but I felt like I made the gentle point that it didn't sound like one.
The toughest one was my mother in law, who I believe meant well but felt the need to comment on my changing body literally every time she saw me, or saw me eat. She struggled to find new things to say, and once she said, "We're so proud of you for getting your appetite under control." That really hurt and I asked my husband to take her aside and tell her that I was very uncomfortable with her commenting on my body.
The nicest comment I got was a compliment that didn't directly mention my body... I wore a new dress to work one day and a female coworker told me, "Girl, you rocked that dress!" That made this almost-50-year-old's day.8 -
The first time I reached my normal weight, in my 30's, my mom...the one who told me I was fat my entire life, told me I was too thin!! My entire family fat shamed me my entire childhood and adolescence, even into adulthood. I was told I was too fat to have children. Now that I was a normal weight, they started, I guess, thin shaming? "That outfit doesn't look good on you, you don't have anything left on top" You all know what I mean, I'm sure. Anyway, after a couple years, I slowly started gaining the weight back. They just fat shamed me again and THEN said "you looked so good there for a while". So, everyone....stay strong and true to yourselves!!! If "friends" don't want to be around you now, they weren't true friends anyway. Make new friends. If someone says "are you too good for that" (that's actually very rude) just say "nooo, I just don't want it". If people say you're gonna get sick, say "on the contrary! My doctor says I'm healthier than ever! If they say "you're going to dry up and blow away" (in a negative manner), just chuckle and say, I highly doubt it. If you turn down a cookie or a piece of cake and someone looks irritated, just say, "I'm too full right now but they look delicious! Would you mind if I took one (or a piece) to go?). These are the things I've thought about over the years. What I wished I had the strength to say back then. What I will be saying in the future. These comments won't bother you if you respond to them in a calm, comfortable manner. Soon, the comments will stop. Don't GIVE that person the upper hand by saying nothing. They will continue to make comments. Stick up for yourself and they will stop. STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF!!! ❤️8
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Luckily, most of my feedback has been positive with my weight loss so far but god forbid I tell someone I have 40lbs more to go..They look me up and down and say "where!!!" I am a tall girl so even at 250lbs, I wear it well, now at 206lbs I am still considered obese. Another 40lbs is barely putting me in the healthy BMI range. I have been that weight before and looked/felt great... But I don't feel like I should have to explain that to them. They don't see my naked jiggles.
I do feel some jealousy coming from remarks about what I am eating or the fact I walk on my breaks. It's kind of flattering. Like, you can do this too.
No matter what, too big, just right, too small - People are going to have opinions and be judgmental. It's so unfortunate.4 -
Inform them they are NOT being helpful. Jealous people suck2
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Wow - some of you have had some incredibly hurtful remarks made weight and appearance. I take my hat off to the everyone that has risen above the 'comments' of others and kept on doing what is right for themselves...sometimes that is not easy to brush aside, particularly if you are of fragile self-esteem and been primed from childhood experiences.
I always smile to myself now at 53, 5'4" and 110 lbs about the comments about me being tiny, sickly (due to my size not because I AM actually sick) and the probability that I'm going to do a Mary Poppins any moment, thinking that they have no idea of how hard I have worked and work to maintain this weight.
Thanks to MFP my macros and micros are much improved through the act of logging and tracking. They don't know that I was significantly worse off at 278 lbs health wise and when I am well I can still out walk their back sides any time.
It is a weird world we like in and you will never please everyone....so just please yourself.
Best wishes to all.
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I understand! My family has been so supportive of my journey, and then when I was t the very highest end of being in a healthy BMI, they tell me I'm skin and bones and need to eat some cake. What the heck?!1
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Yes. Couldn't agree more. I've got one or two of these sorts. However. Keep calm and carry on. I've lost five stone six pounds. Number one because I didn't want to risk Diabetes as my father had it and number two I looked like a dog when I was fat. Obviously the health thing was most important to me. It's not as though any of us on here has just lost weight by putting in no effort. We have ALL worked very hard to get where we are. It is a total lifestyle change which has to be lifelong. Now to sort my smoking out which interestingly when I have given up before I NEVER put on weight because I didn't reach for the biscuits as a replacement. Good luck with everything xx1
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I can completely relate!!!! Coworkers, family and friends make comments that leave me feeling silly for caring about what's going into my body!
Ugh! No, I don't want cake or a burger and yes I'm going to bring my own food!
My in laws try to be supportive by making grilled chicken with meals or making their version of a salad when we have family dinners. I am so grateful and think it's so thoughtful but I end up feeling like I have burdened them. I wish they would just let me bring my prepared portioned meal and eat that instead. I constantly feel like I'm being rude and usually leave hungry.
To the comments (especially at work), "how small do you want to go?" "As long as you're being healthy about it" "you are eating right?".... I have taken some advice from these posts on how to handle the offensive comments better, so thank you!
Btw- I'm still 200lbs at 5'10" so it's obvious I have more work to do- so I'm not sure why they have such "concern"!1 -
I am just reading this now although the last posts are old. My friends were the same - especially the skinny friends saying that I was "too thin". My response was that if I had always been this size (like my skinny little sister damn her), then it would be considered normal. But since I was larger and am now smaller, that was where they struggled. Like all of you, what I do is for me. No one else.3
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Ah my Mum is exactly like this! I put on a little bit of fluff in November/December because I had loads of stuff going on and slipped off track a bit. I told her I'd put on some weight and was looking forward to getting back on it and she said I shouldn't as I looked more normal now! She said I'd started to look gaunt, but I'd never even reached my target weight
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I had a bit of this. I believe that some people were honestly concerned that I'd develop an eating disorder and told me it was time to stop losing, even though it wasn't. For the most part, though, I get genuinely happy reactions (sometimes stunned ones from people I haven't seen in a long time). I prefer to believe that people's intentions are good, for the most part, and they just don't know the right way to say what they mean.
Regardless of the reactions of others, we should stick to our plans and get to healthy weights. Everyone else will adjust when we get there. Or they won't. Doesn't really matter.2 -
I guess it depends on your environment...most of my family and friends are health and fitness junkies. My mom is a 62 y.o. tri-athlete...though she mostly dances and plays golf these days. My sister was a gymnast for many years and is now an avid runner and does MMA/UFC stuff. My wife and I's best couple friends are both personal trainers and they own their own gym (and they are our trainers)...my best buddy is a yoga nut...my wife is a former collegiate soccer and rugby player and is now an avid runner, sometimes cyclist, and lifts like a boss...
I was actually the "fatty" out of the group even though I come from an athletic background...I turned that around four years ago...no comments from the peanut gallery other than "awesome"1 -
It's helpful to try and understand where these people are coming from. I often try to rein in any emotional response and rotate the situation around in my head first before reacting. It could save you a lot of unnecessary grief.
People who love you want you to succeed, so they often offer comments that they think are helpful, encouraging..etc. Some of these comments may sound annoying and unhelpful, like worrying you are restricting too much when you say no to something or worrying you would fall off the wagon if you eat something that isn't typically thought of as a diet food. There is also the case where some people are used to connecting over food, and when you refuse to take part in their food rituals, they feel like your connection with them as a friend/family member is being threatened.
After you have lost a good deal of weight, you no longer look like you. The person they have known for years is replaced with someone who looks foreign and unfamiliar. Logically they know it's you, but it still isn't connecting. You look much thinner than they would have seen you if you were always thin because they have a frame of reference and continue to compare you to your old size. They aren't purposely trying to sabotage you or bring you down, they're just going through this phase where they are struggling to connect the old with the new. Human nature. I wouldn't blame them. All you need to do is give them some time to adjust to your new look.2
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