Why do people do this? (sorta ranting)

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BeeElMarvin
BeeElMarvin Posts: 2,086 Member
in Motivation and Support
So, why do otherwise well meaning people say things like:
"You are looking great! You aren't going to lose any more weight are you?"
"How much more weight are you going to lose?"
"You look skinny. You shouldn't lose more."
(Aside to my wife) "You should tell him he doesn't need to lose more weight."

For gosh sake people, I know that it's a flawed system but I'm still "obese" on the BMI scale. I need to lose more weight for my health. I'm not doing for my looks - frankly, that's the very least of my worries.

For now, I guess I'll take the comments as a compliment, but it does sorta bother me sometimes...
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Replies

  • Benji49
    Benji49 Posts: 419 Member
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    Not sure why people do that, but a lot of them do.

    Do what is good for you and try to only hear the parts about how great you look - ignore the rest. They don't know you.
  • tarazena
    tarazena Posts: 93 Member
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    I honestly think some people are jealous/envious and see you doing so well and feel guilty themselves. IT's usually about them! Keep going..nothing wrong with getting smaller and fitter!
  • ksmarathon2010
    ksmarathon2010 Posts: 70
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    I have the same trouble. It's like you have to explain why you are doing it. I have had to tell tons of people, I'm okay and I am still in my healthy weight range.
  • melizerd
    melizerd Posts: 870 Member
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    I just nod and smile to those people. I KNOW what a healthy weight is for me, and you know what? I'm HOT at that weight ;) I think they're just jealous.

    There was recently a study that shows that we're all so over weight we don't even know what NORMAL looks like anymore, so we think that heavy is the new normal and normal is "too skinny" because our vision is flawed.
  • ckncj
    ckncj Posts: 183 Member
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    That is annoying!! I agree.

    Also annoying is the "compliment": You look good....for having 2 kids. While that seems nice enough, it'd be received with greater appreciate if there wasn't the added disclaimer about kids.
  • keeponkickin
    keeponkickin Posts: 1,520 Member
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    I'm right there with you. I've dropped 84 pounds since January and still need to drop another 40. I finally moved from the obese side of the bmi to the overweight side but I still need to lose more. I just got the "you're going to lose more?" comment a couple of days ago. Followed by "you'll be a stick." UGH. Just trying to be healthy people!
  • Drunkadelic
    Drunkadelic Posts: 948 Member
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    They just don't want you to look better than them! :) I would take it as a compliment and move on
  • ladyjade68
    ladyjade68 Posts: 56
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    I think a lot of it is jealousy... I just say screw 'em. If you are happy and feel good, then it doesn't matter. This is why we must lose weight for ourself only, and not for other people! Good look and Congrats on your weight loss!!
  • Kera885
    Kera885 Posts: 59
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    I feel you on this one, although I think it might be slightly different for girls. I know that whenever my friends tell me not to lose more weight (even though I'm still overweight!) it's a jealousy issue. I know that it sounds conceited but I swear it's true! I even had one "friend" tell me I looked better fat! It's crazy and so are people, you should just get used to it lol it's not going to go away, people will always stick their nose in your business. Just roll with the punches and keep losing until YOU are happy.
  • cgavin77
    cgavin77 Posts: 219
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    yup!! I HATE IT.... I've since decided to stop defending myself... I know Im not "wasting away!"
  • ljd0693
    ljd0693 Posts: 289 Member
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    I have the same problem! My wife and friends tell me that I look great and that I don't need to loose any more weight but I'm still at the bottom of the obese BMI scale.

    I just tell them that I didn't go through all this just to stop while I still have pockets of fat that I need to get rid of. I'm in the best shape that I have been in for over 20 years but I still have another 20-25 pounds that I want to drop.

    I finally decided that I need to do this for myself and to not let other people get in the way.
  • Helice
    Helice Posts: 1,075 Member
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    i know what u mean. i have always been at this weight. and although i am not obese. i have a very high body fat percentage..
    so im a little less bothered about looseing weight and a little more bothered about looseing some of the fat and replacing it with muscle..

    but people look at me and they say things like "ow ur not trying to loose weight are you".
    and things like "shes such a silly girl, i dont understand why she is doing this".

    but i have also notcied that the people that say this are quite a few dress sizes bigger than me themselves...
    i have never go these comments from people of a healthy weight.
    infact i have been told by a few people at the low end of the healhy bmi that i could do with becoming a little more toned...

    so i say look at the people who are saying these things.
    are they larger than u, so that you look alot smaller than them.
    or are they just jealouse that you have managed to loose all this weight and they havent.

    i say your looseing weight for u, not for them.
    so just ignore them..

    goo dluck on your weight loss journey
    x
  • ChitownFoodie
    ChitownFoodie Posts: 1,562 Member
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    My coworker just said to me, "If you lose anymore weight you will fly away like a kite. We do live in the Windy City, you know?!" In the last 2 months I have only lost 1.5 pounds. I am trying to maintain. She swears that I am wasting away and I am rail thin. UGH!
  • veganjeanie
    veganjeanie Posts: 158 Member
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    I do get that if I mention that I've been losing weight, but here's what bothers me: I've lost 21lb and no one notices except my husband (who has been losing right along side me). I tell myself it's because I always dress to hide my weight, lose flowing tops with no real waist, so noone could tell I'd gotten so chubby. But hell, I've lost weight on my face, too! Ah well, I'm doing this for me and my health, but I want to look good, too!
  • sassylilmama
    sassylilmama Posts: 1,495 Member
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    I think in a way some people are trying to compliment you and some just dont know how to bring up your weight loss nd it comes out all wrong like that. But whatever the reason its annoying. I have one friend telling me I am going to become vapor if I keep losing weight. I am barely out of the obese category, I will not be vaporizing thanks.
  • NanBar
    NanBar Posts: 283 Member
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    because misery loves company
  • Georgicallender
    Georgicallender Posts: 8 Member
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    yeah I get that alot from friends too. And it can really bring you down, when you are really trying to change not just your body, but your life and overall health. And family can sometimes be the worse for it too. In my house if i lose weight "don't get too skinny" and then if i eat a doughnut "you're going to get fat".

    What matters is that we stick to what is healthy for us and really hold firm. Don't let others discourage us!
  • colbiegirl
    colbiegirl Posts: 138
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    You have no idea how much I agree. I know people are "just trying to be nice" or "trying to be supportive" to make you feel good. I get that. I don't think they understand what it takes though. You can't just stop. They're not the ones who read the "ideal" weights and BMIs or set goals for themselves. You and I know what we want to be in weight or BMI. I just reached the normal BMI and can't be prouder. When people ask me to stop losing weight or whatever, I just respond with "Why stop now when it makes me feel good?" I've gone from 190 to 135 doing that. I'll tell MYSELF when to stop. Great topic. Keep up the good work! :)
  • melibea
    melibea Posts: 228
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    Sometimes people just aren't used to seeing you smaller. This is even more noticeable when people haven't seen you in a long time and think you became this other smaller person all of the sudden and might even think you are sick. I get it a lot from people who haven't seen me in a while, and I haven't even lost that much weight.
  • kim_mc
    kim_mc Posts: 321 Member
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    Sometimes people will ask, "how much more weight are you plannig to lose?", or "you don't need to lose anymore!" The I tell them that I haven't actually lost weight in over 3 months and I've just been gaining muscle and continuing to work out. I think in the last 3-4 months I've lost around 2 lbs. but they don't believe it and want to act like I'm wasting away!

    IT'S CALLED GETTING HEALTHY, PEOPLE!

    We are all supposed to be doing some sort of physical activity each day so please quit making snide remarks when you know that I worked out! Maybe they are envious that you worked out or made good food choices while they ate up the junk and lounged on the couch!

    I don't think that it's going to stop anythime soon, though so we better get used to it! :)

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