my mom is visiting...

chanstriste13 · February 2010

don't get me wrong - i love my mom. but i'm really upset with her right now because of how she was acting. i was talking to her about how i've started losing some weight and using this site and all that jazz. when i started talking about how i eat a bit more on my hard workout days, she started laughing at me and shaking her head and just acting like i was a complete idiot. she ignored the fact that i have lost nearly 6 pounds in under 4 weeks and just unleashed a load of negativity on me. i'm so upset because i was hoping for her support - which she's usually really good about. it's just that if she doesn't agree with something, she has a way of letting you know in a way that belittles you. i'm not sure if she does this on purpose or not. anyhoo, i ended up leaving the room because i was sad and almost started crying (i'm a crier, to be sure) and then she assumed that i was angry at her (not the case) and went to bed without saying goodnight. we'd had such a great day too.

so now i'm just bummed out. :ohwell:

Cassaaaaandra · February 2010

So what's her reaction going to be when you loose 6 more lbs and it's more than obvious this is working out for you? Cheer up, everything will iron itself out

I'm sorry you're upset:flowerforyou:

oregonlady · February 2010

i'm sorry to hear of your frusterations.:grumble: :grumble:

i hope she will see the happy, positive, MFP person, you have become, tomorrow!:drinker:

:drinker:

robin

PeachyKeene · February 2010

I know that has to be very upsetting.
My mother always has a way of saying things about me that hurts my feelings. I try to remember that sometimes her negativity is not because she wants to hurt me or whatever, but it is because she doesn't understand some of the things I am doing or actually why I do them.
She is also very overweight and eats like crazy. That is what she lives to do. She lives to eat not eat to live.
Don't let it get you down, you are doing great. You have lost 6 pounds in only 4 weeks. You are doing something right!
Just know, no matter what, you are not doing this for your mother or anyone else, but you are doing this for yourself.
Smile you are going to do great, just keep up the great work.

firewalking · February 2010

It is so hard when we do not get the support from the people we really want to make proud. Unfortunately, there is nothing anyone can say to make you feel any better - but maybe for the next time....

These people, relatives or not, are called diet sabbateurs (spelling?) - they are the ones who react like your mom, or try to get you to eat something ("go ahead...you've been good all week," or "you only live once"); they do not do this to hurt you - they do it to make themselves feel better about not doing something for themselves. My advice? Do not tell her anything else - keep it to yourself. When she sees you the next time, she will be able to see all your progress for herself - let your progress speak for itself.

Meanwhile, try to shake it off - cry until you cannot cry any more. Try to comfort yourself with your progress and remember that you are doing this for you. She has to deal with things she is going through on her own - admitting that your life is not what you wanted is hard for some people.

Please do not let this derail your progress. You should be really proud.

chanstriste13 · February 2010

thanks everyone - you have literally helped me settle down and feel back to normal! cyber-hugs to each of you!

gnme4243 · February 2010

It is so hard when we do not get the support from the people we really want to make proud. Unfortunately, there is nothing anyone can say to make you feel any better - but maybe for the next time....

These people, relatives or not, are called diet sabbateurs (spelling?) - they are the ones who react like your mom, or try to get you to eat something ("go ahead...you've been good all week," or "you only live once"); they do not do this to hurt you - they do it to make themselves feel better about not doing something for themselves. My advice? Do not tell her anything else - keep it to yourself. When she sees you the next time, she will be able to see all your progress for herself - let your progress speak for itself.

Meanwhile, try to shake it off - cry until you cannot cry any more. Try to comfort yourself with your progress and remember that you are doing this for you. She has to deal with things she is going through on her own - admitting that your life is not what you wanted is hard for some people.

Please do not let this derail your progress. You should be really proud.

I second ALL that! Hang in there :flowerforyou:

kwardklinck · February 2010

I agree. There are certain people who do this to us. They don't offer support. Mostly it's just because of a negative self-image they have. Keep your dieting stuff to yourself and let the results speak for themselves.

Don't let anyone derail you from your hard work.

fooja · February 2010

sorry to hear that....my mom is very negative too, which is y i dont tell her things. she hasnt said anything about my weight loss tho. usually its about my kids. once she actually said to me "you guys (me and my ex) shouldnt have had kids" because....theyve all had some kind of problem. our oldest is sick/disabled, my son needed speech therapy in preschool, and my youngest had some probs going to the bathroom (constiption) when she was younger. and she actually had the nerve to tell me that!!!! i couldnt believe she said that to me, i wanted to punch her!!!!!!! shes also told me im the worst mom ever........ so i know kinda how u feel. just hang in there because u must be doing something right!!!! you will be able to laugh in her face when u lose all your weight!!!!!!

firewalking · July 2011

I know it's tough - but try to remember that even mom's get jealous. Remember also that you are not doing this for her - you are doing this for you. I had the same problem until I stopped discussing my weight and diet altogether - eventually those same people were forced to tell ME how much I lost...it feels so good.

Stick with the plan - no one can make you feel bad unless you let them.

my mom is visiting...

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