Help dealing with weight loss attitude for life partner

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bele2009
bele2009 Posts: 137 Member
edited August 2016 in Health and Weight Loss
Hello all,

I have quietly loss 27lbs over the last 7 weeks and still have a lot go go (~70 lbs total). My target goal is 190-200 range.

A few weeks ago, I was proud of myself and made the "mistake" of introducing my life partner to MFP and my weight loss process. Since then, every time I loose weight he gets mad about it, saying I am getting too skinny and this whole thing is just crazy and will be looking sick if I loose that much weight. We have been together for over 20-years, I always been "chubby" but had put on some weight over the years of course.

I love him but I am doing this for ME this time and have no intention to stop. Maybe he is jaleous of my success or getting scared I am doing this to be more attractive for a replacement boyfriend ;-)) Seriously don't know! Any suggestions how to deal with this kind of reaction?

Thanks!

Replies

  • RuNaRoUnDaFiEld
    RuNaRoUnDaFiEld Posts: 5,864 Member
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    Just reassure him that you love him very much but that this isn't his choice to make. It is yours.
  • MaybeLed
    MaybeLed Posts: 250 Member
    edited August 2016
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    Change is scary for everyone, and fear makes prats of us all.

    I've tried many times to lose weight and this time it's sticking, I just put the spin of health of it (it is mostly about health but vanity too). Explaing to my OH that I don't want to have an old age full of disabilities and living an active old age helps.

    The people around us are used to seeing us a certain way and that can also throw off their comfort zone. Be reassuring but don't insist on them being supportive just do your own thing.

    Also 4lb ish a week does seem a bit fast to lose weight, presumably some of that was water but reccomendations I've seen is 1% loss a week.

    Good luck
  • jhmomofmany
    jhmomofmany Posts: 571 Member
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    Maybe just go back to doing it quietly. Or if you talk about your progress, share how much better you feel, stronger you're getting, etc. without focusing just on weight lost or how you look.

    I don't know, it's a tough one. My husband isn't interested in MFP or dieting and exercise, but he's at least passively supportive.

    Oh, another idea. Maybe your partner would enjoy cooking with you or going on walks together or something like that. Making him feel included might help?
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    stop talking about it.
  • bele2009
    bele2009 Posts: 137 Member
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    Thanks for the feedback. We do exercise together and he has some weight to loose as well (~10 to 15 lbs). I guess stopping talking about it may help but he seems we weighting the food at home and cutting back portions on the stuff I like to eat a lot (pasta, pizza, chicken parmigiana). I still eat these foods, only in smaller portions.

    As far as the loss rate, I lost quite a lot at the beginning but now I am at 1.5 - 2 lbs per week which I think is ok ;-)
  • DetroitDarin
    DetroitDarin Posts: 955 Member
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    Dude - everyone has to row their own boat. Everything changes. Lives, relationships, the weather. Sometimes people say stuff like that as projecting their own insecurities. But whatever - Your partner has his boat to row. You have yours. You can't force him to accept or like your path, nor can you coerce him to jump on board.

    Keep communicating. Clearly articulated expectations prevent a rash of conflict. Best of luck.
  • 42firm03
    42firm03 Posts: 115 Member
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    I've lived with the partner that prefers me fat for over two decades too. A health scare got him to stop being an @ss about it. By focusing on a health issue all the underlying passive fear issues magically disappeared.

    You could go to the doctor and manufacture a scare;)

    Or tell him to Lump it. Your health matters and you are taking charge of it.

    Good luck. It's hard to be with someone that does not support your goals. Especially when you have to work so hard to achieve them.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,943 Member
    edited August 2016
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    Congratulations on your weight loss! Glad to see you are not losing as quickly as you were at first.

    I'm pretty sure it's the change that's frightening him, as well as other stuff within himself, all of which is about him and his stuff.

    My partner and I went through a similar thing. We talked about it, I never tried to change his point of view, and we're still together and that was two years ago (we've been together 11 years).

    Communication is key. :)
  • minniestar55
    minniestar55 Posts: 346 Member
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    Your weight loss & determination are great!

    I agree with some of the above; don't bring it up, but just stay positive & smile if you can. He will only criticise or complain if it gets a result...the result HE wants. Staying positive, not engaging in argument about it, will help you stay the course so you can get the result with YOUR weight that YOU want. So meet negativity with positivity! Do communicate, do keep your sense of humor & fun. And remember his remarks are really about him, not you.
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    edited August 2016
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    People will mock, criticize and judge all things they do not understand. This includes your significant other, family and friends and even just acquaintances.

    Sometimes they do this because they too need to be doing the same thing you are, but have either failed, never tried it or even clued in on the thought that doing this is something they need to be doing too (maybe not loosing weight or exercising, perhaps its just goal setting).. it is jealousy, or even an attempt to set you up to fail, sometimes it can be unconsciously or even on purpose, just know who is delivering the message to you and why.. you can move past the negativity they are submitting to you once you understand this about the person.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    bele2009 wrote: »
    Hello all,

    I have quietly loss 27lbs over the last 7 weeks and still have a lot go go (~70 lbs total). My target goal is 190-200 range.

    A few weeks ago, I was proud of myself and made the "mistake" of introducing my life partner to MFP and my weight loss process. Since then, every time I loose weight he gets mad about it, saying I am getting too skinny and this whole thing is just crazy and will be looking sick if I loose that much weight. We have been together for over 20-years, I always been "chubby" but had put on some weight over the years of course.

    I love him but I am doing this for ME this time and have no intention to stop. Maybe he is jaleous of my success or getting scared I am doing this to be more attractive for a replacement boyfriend ;-)) Seriously don't know! Any suggestions how to deal with this kind of reaction?

    Thanks!

    When I spoke to my dh about my weight loss he was concerned that I lose weight in a healthy way and that my goal weight was a healthy weight. I have been overweight for most of our 17 year relationship. He wasn't afraid I would leave him or jealous (as he lost weight before I did) just concerned about my health and reasons. He loves me and wants me to be happy and healthy at whatever size I am. After our discussion and seeing I'm not doing anything crazy he hasn't brought it up again.
    I'd sit your partner down and talk. Talk fully about why you want to lose weight. Explain why you chose your goal weight and that it is a healthier weight for you. If you've spoken to a doctor bring that in to the discussion. Have you explained that you will be losing slower in future and this change is going to take quite awhile? Other than that I'd just keep on. It is your body, your health. Over time your partner will get used to the idea.
  • StaciMarie1974
    StaciMarie1974 Posts: 4,138 Member
    edited August 2016
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    Avoid saying/doing things that may seem like you are trying to make him change his ways. Even if you think he needs to be more active, eat for nutrition, lose pounds - those are personal decisions. Exception of course if he has medical conditions that warrant it, and in that case simply let him know you're concerned about him and want him to be around for 20+ more years.

    As for you, let him know any health concerns you have. Such as improving your odds against diabetes, heart disease. Let him know why this is important for you. But keep it clear that its for you, and be clear that your weight loss is not a threat to your relationship.

    Last - don't expect him to be your cheerleader. Of course he should be happy for you, that you're getting healthier, but he may simply not understand. So turn to like minded individuals (here for example) to share your success milestones.
    bele2009 wrote: »
    Hello all,

    I have quietly loss 27lbs over the last 7 weeks and still have a lot go go (~70 lbs total). My target goal is 190-200 range.

    A few weeks ago, I was proud of myself and made the "mistake" of introducing my life partner to MFP and my weight loss process. Since then, every time I loose weight he gets mad about it, saying I am getting too skinny and this whole thing is just crazy and will be looking sick if I loose that much weight. We have been together for over 20-years, I always been "chubby" but had put on some weight over the years of course.

    I love him but I am doing this for ME this time and have no intention to stop. Maybe he is jaleous of my success or getting scared I am doing this to be more attractive for a replacement boyfriend ;-)) Seriously don't know! Any suggestions how to deal with this kind of reaction?

    Thanks!

  • lauraemily84
    lauraemily84 Posts: 140 Member
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    bele2009 wrote: »
    Hello all,

    I have quietly loss 27lbs over the last 7 weeks and still have a lot go go (~70 lbs total). My target goal is 190-200 range.

    A few weeks ago, I was proud of myself and made the "mistake" of introducing my life partner to MFP and my weight loss process. Since then, every time I loose weight he gets mad about it, saying I am getting too skinny and this whole thing is just crazy and will be looking sick if I loose that much weight. We have been together for over 20-years, I always been "chubby" but had put on some weight over the years of course.

    I love him but I am doing this for ME this time and have no intention to stop. Maybe he is jaleous of my success or getting scared I am doing this to be more attractive for a replacement boyfriend ;-)) Seriously don't know! Any suggestions how to deal with this kind of reaction?

    Thanks!

    Well done on your weight loss so far, I agree with other posts - change is hard sometimes!

    He maybe feeling insecure thinking your be looking for a new partner so as long as ur reassuring him it should work itself out. I know how hard it is though - my partners a nightmare he is naturally slim but his got a belly on him now his getting older and some moobs lol but his not interested in diet or excersise - that's fine I know I can't make him want to change/ better himself BUT I do object to nasty little digs I get like " I preferred u before u lost weight" " your gonna look like Jodie marsh if u carry on" " your too thin" " your loosing your boobs" etc no need for it!!! X
  • iplayoutside19
    iplayoutside19 Posts: 2,304 Member
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    I agree with the others. Way I see it, unless you're spending an inordinate amount of time working out, or you work out so hard that you cannot hold up your end of the household duties; just do your thing unless your partner expresses interest in it. Other than that, not much you can do.

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