How to stay motivated without spouse help

Any tips for staying strong when your spouse is not in the journey with you?


  • JessicaLynnDouglas
    JessicaLynnDouglas Posts: 197 Member
    Do everything you can during the hours you are not home together.'s a good start.
  • MTgal477
    MTgal477 Posts: 829 Member
    It's hard....I'm in the same situation. I've been on this new journey since January and I've had to just set my mind to do it, because it's something I want so bad. I can't let him stop me just because he's not on board. But it sucks. I find a time to work out when it's convenient for everyone....which seems to be right after dinner after I've cleaned up everything and got the kids ready for bed.....usually my husband is watching tv at this time, so I find that to be my opportunity to go downstairs and do my thing for an hour or so. And when it comes to eating.....That was the hard part.....because I just had to realize that even if he's not eating healthy, I needed to think about what I put in my mouth, so if I had to cook separate meals, I would. It's gotten easier over the last 7 months now that I'm in a groove. And I've managed to lose 42 pounds, so it's possible! Hang in there and you just gotta want it!
  • vespiquenn
    vespiquenn Posts: 1,455 Member
    edited August 2016
    It seems simple, but just do you. Nothing drastic needs to happen. Eat the same things as them but just less of it. Encourage them to do things together like going on walks. If they refuse, establish that this is important to you whether they support the journey or not.

    One key thing though, is not to over-saturate your conversations with talk of weight loss. If someone is not partaking in your journey with you, they probably don't want to hear it either. It's a hard thing to accept, but this is your journey and your's alone. Some folks become really offended that their significant other doesn't comment on their progress, but it basically boils down to this.
  • chrissygbulldog3
    chrissygbulldog3 Posts: 31 Member
    My husband is the sweetest guy in the world. He has always said he loves me whatever size I am. Whatever wacko fad I come up with for myself and my diet of the month -- high protein, no carbs, all carbs, WW, herbs, supplements, drinks, pills, surgeries, gyms, he stands by me. Through the tears and resentments, constant wardrobe changes due to weight fluctuations, excuses, explanations, he has gone along with me. I would almost prefer him to say something, when I know he is thinking, as I stuff something in my face, here we go again. However, over all these years he never has changed his diet habits, will not exercise, and now is diabetic, overweight, and has had heart surgeries. My newest excuse is that I have recently learned how to bake, so that he doesn't buy crappy processed sweet snacks. I make pound cakes, cookies, breads for him, but of course, you know who eats a huge portion of it! "But I did it for you!" Yeah, right. He can't be my motivation or excuse.
  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
    So here is my current situation for reference: I am trying to lose weight, get back into running, and try to generally eat as healthy as I can (but not a food nazi by any means). My husband knows my goals, but does not eat healthy and is not trying to lose weight. I do all of the cooking in our household because hamburger help for dinner every single night just doesn't fly for me.....

    Make sure he understands what you goals are, how you plan to get there, and why it is important to you without implying he has to do the same thing. It is completely possible for him to be supportive of you without actually partaking in the journey himself (you know, like pregnancy and childbirth, just less screaming, hopefully ....) It can also be quite helpful to make a few active friends with similar goals as you on here for additional support.

    It will probably be easiest for you if you stay away from food/food group restriction diets and just figure out how to work the foods you already normally would eat into you calorie count. For me I just do what I would consider a typical balanced meal with a meat, a carb (I have found that backing off on my carbs and filling up on meat and veggies keeps me fuller for less calories, but I definitly am not low/no carb), and lots of veggies.

    A few tricks I have learned over my journey:
    - Meal timing can be a big deal for some people. I am happier when I wait later in the day to eat breakfast, and I love a big dinner. So that has worked well for me in I stay lighter on my calories throughout the day and then when I am home with hubs for dinner we have a nice meal together.
    - healthy cooking doesn't have to be an art, most of what I eat now is what I ate before, I just found little things along the way to help cut a couple calories here and there to make it lighter
    - Veggies Veggies Veggies, you can make a nice calorie dense meal for the family and partake in a portion and fill up the rest of the way with veggies.
    -Ground turkey makes a pretty good substitution for ground beef, and is typically cheaper, so I put that in tacos, spaghetti, lasagna, or anything else I would use ground beef in that isn't just a hamburger. I have found that helps make these meals a little lower calorie for me and still acceptable for hubs. Ground chicken just doesn't have the right flavor to replace beef for us, but maybe you would like it?
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    Hubby has shown lukewarm interest throughout, though his greatest strength is that he does not get in my way. He also likes the healthy choices I bring in to the house.

    That being said, if I get in a slump I sit down and work out my motives and a strategy. I dealt with my latest slump by inviting my daughter in law to run with a group on Wednesdays. That girl has the persistence of a bulldog and even if I wanted to skip she would not let me. She made sure by making two well timed confirmation calls. We've decided to make it a regular thing.

    If I had tried to drag hubby along (a fair weather athlete) I would have been dragging me and a full grown man down the street. I don't have that kind of energy.
  • calynnkelly
    calynnkelly Posts: 5 Member
    Thank you all so much for your heart felt replies. My hubby is sweet and very supportive it is just not his priority like it is mine. Your tips and thoughts are all support helpful. Thank you
  • jebr76
    jebr76 Posts: 29 Member
    While my wife isn't unsupportive, she isn't exactly supportive. Since she does most of the cooking, she'll make the menu for the week and I have veto power over anything that I just can't eat - but if I veto, I have to come up with a replacement meal. I usually cook a half dozen chicken breasts and a Costco sized steak (cut into serving portions) and freeze them, usually for lunches, but will also keep an extra one defrosted in case I need it for dinner. Saves me the worry over whether to eat her cooking or not, and it just leaves her with leftovers for lunch! Just my $0.02
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
    It can be done. When I first started on my path, hubby wasn't ready to do anything. It took about 8 months of me doing stuff for him to finally jump on the wagon too.

    Do whatever you need to do to keep yourself on track. I still have a "snack box" of 100-ish calorie snacks for when I get hungry. I can raid the box without feeling guilty. What's funny is that my daughters have started doing that too - with the pretzels, and the string cheese in the dorm fridge - yogurt, and applesauce. It's funny how they started picking up on it and doing that too.
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
    My husband has never really been on board with my weight loss plans and my fitness, either. I tried low carb for awhile and he'd make comments about my "eating funny" so, even though I have more success when I cut out carbs (I simply don't eat as much or crave sweets) I've gone back to just watching calories.

    I make dinner so I get to decide what we're eating. What I found works for me is to make a meat dish, have a vegetable and salad for sides. Awhile ago, I'd simply not take very much of whatever starchy side dish I made (rice, pasta, potatoes) but I realized I could simply stop making those for most meals and substituted the salad and I got no complaints. Win! I also do most of the shopping so I've purposefully stopped buying a lot of the junk that trips me up. If he wants snacks he buys them himself.

    Definitely avoid talking about your weight loss unless he brings it up and then keep it cool. Use these forums to discuss the things you want to talk about, celebrate successes or commiserate when you've had a bad day. Eventually, he'll notice your success and it may even get him started on his own journey to weight loss, if he needs it.
  • 12Sarah2015
    12Sarah2015 Posts: 1,117 Member
    I have low cal breakfast and lunches. Save the calories for dinner as I'm not the one cooking them