A change that begins at the root.

I moved to the States and easily gained 10 lbs within a month. I have been wallowing in a miserable pile of self-pity for a while now and I am tired of feeling insecure. I now have a pinch-able chin, a roll of fat at the nape of my neck, my shoulder blades and clavicles are barely visible, and my face is rounder than it has been in years.

I find myself panting after climbing just one flight of stairs, and even have trouble with smoothly getting out of the car. My skin has become terrible, and the fast food that I once avoided has become a staple in my diet. My self-esteem has plummeted and I can no longer look people in the eye - all confidence is gone. I don't wear blouses that I once loved because my stomach is usually bloated and I am constantly embarrassed.

Despite not doing much during the day apart from working at a desk at home, my appetite has increased and I crave just about every item of food that is in the kitchen. I no longer stop eating when I am satisfied - what is "satisfied" even anymore? - the gouging continues until my feet disappear when I stand up straight and I shamefully find myself patting my belly in delight. Everything tastes so good here, I want to try it all and then regret every single bite while downing yet another bite.

It's difficult, and I am ashamed of my current appearance... I guess today is when the change begins. No more tomorrows. My runs will remain consistent and my discipline will remain solid. No more excuses, I want to be at my optimum state and be healthy. I want to feel sexy and happy. I want to wear dresses and enjoy the summer.

Now I wish everyone would stop offering me food just as I decide to go on a diet.