Okay, clearly something's not working. Help?
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KissofJudas
Posts: 11 Member
After years of bouncing around and not getting anywhere, it's time for me to lay this all on the line.
Hi, I'm Rion, and I'm bad at self-discipline.
I've been overweight in some fashion for most of my adolescent life. The on-going story is when I was a pre-teen, I told my mother that I ate candy because it made me happy. While it's shifted from candy as I got older, I'm still an emotional eater. I eat when I'm bored, when I'm sad, when I'm anxious, when I'm happy as a reward. I know this is a problem, and yet every time I think I have a handle on it, I spiral away.
I'm trying to be active. I work as a server in a café so I'm on my feet a lot, getting steps. If it's a busy night, I have no trouble reaching the 10k steps my Fitbit yells at me for. I'm also really into Zombies, Run! so I do that when I can...but it seems I never have time. Again, I'm a server so my schedule is really wonky. I'm also a freelance author/editor/audiobook narrator/YouTube creator, so that chews up a lot of my life there. Free time is my unicorn.
I also suffer from decent levels of anxiety and depression. I'm on medication for both, and while they help it's obviously not perfect. I don't have the funds to see a psychiatrist, and my various paranoias/anxiety itself/etc make it unlikely that I'll be able to convince myself to see one anyway. (But again, money. Poor grad school graduate. Waiter. Yeah.) And the fact that I'm as overweight as I am doesn't help the depression one bit.
Clearly I need help somewhere. I know exactly what I need to do (stop eating crap, and too much of it to boot) but my self-control is awful. My work feeds me for half off, I'm right next to a Wendy's and down the road from a McD's. Despite my lack of money, I'm doing a really good job of convincing myself that $5 here and $10 there isn't that big of a deal. I need to save money, I need to lose weight, and I need to find a way to do these.
Help?
(Currently at ~230lb, 5'7" living in VA so it's way too stupid hot nowadays)
Hi, I'm Rion, and I'm bad at self-discipline.
I've been overweight in some fashion for most of my adolescent life. The on-going story is when I was a pre-teen, I told my mother that I ate candy because it made me happy. While it's shifted from candy as I got older, I'm still an emotional eater. I eat when I'm bored, when I'm sad, when I'm anxious, when I'm happy as a reward. I know this is a problem, and yet every time I think I have a handle on it, I spiral away.
I'm trying to be active. I work as a server in a café so I'm on my feet a lot, getting steps. If it's a busy night, I have no trouble reaching the 10k steps my Fitbit yells at me for. I'm also really into Zombies, Run! so I do that when I can...but it seems I never have time. Again, I'm a server so my schedule is really wonky. I'm also a freelance author/editor/audiobook narrator/YouTube creator, so that chews up a lot of my life there. Free time is my unicorn.
I also suffer from decent levels of anxiety and depression. I'm on medication for both, and while they help it's obviously not perfect. I don't have the funds to see a psychiatrist, and my various paranoias/anxiety itself/etc make it unlikely that I'll be able to convince myself to see one anyway. (But again, money. Poor grad school graduate. Waiter. Yeah.) And the fact that I'm as overweight as I am doesn't help the depression one bit.
Clearly I need help somewhere. I know exactly what I need to do (stop eating crap, and too much of it to boot) but my self-control is awful. My work feeds me for half off, I'm right next to a Wendy's and down the road from a McD's. Despite my lack of money, I'm doing a really good job of convincing myself that $5 here and $10 there isn't that big of a deal. I need to save money, I need to lose weight, and I need to find a way to do these.
Help?
(Currently at ~230lb, 5'7" living in VA so it's way too stupid hot nowadays)
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Replies
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Standard MFP answer: You can eat whatever you want as long as you burn more calories than you eat.
My answer:
It's very hard. But very possible. I lost 100 lbs, lost motivation, gained it all back. Counting calories was never enough, I had to build a community of like minded people (in other words, people serious about losing weight) MFP helped me do that with the forums. My friends and family couldn't help me, they were supportive, but didn't understand what I was going through.
My suggestion is to build yourself a community, engage with people here and/or other places, read articles/blogs about fitness and health, discuss healthy topics, of course count your calories, it will keep your mindset where it needs to be because it sounds like you're already on the right path.
Also, exercise is good, but not needed to lose weight, so don't let that be a hurdle.
Standard MFP answer: Weight lose is not a race. Make small changes that you can keep up over time and you will be where you want to be one day, sooner since you started sooner.
Even, to make it easier, if you only lose .5 lbs a week, that's better then losing no pounds a week or gaining weight. And one day in a couple months you will notice your weight down, as opposed to one day in a couple months notice nothing and think to yourself you should try to lose weight.
Good Luck!5 -
Just start by committing to logging the food you currently eat. Do it for two weeks. Every bite. Once you see how that food looks in your food diary, start making small changes. Swap out the fries for a side salad. Commit to doing that twice a week or whatever. Once you have a decent handle on that, make another small change. And so on, and so on...
Trying to do too much all at once is what causes people to crash and burn. You can do this! Good luck!3 -
CICO is one theory, here is what worked for me: Don't let the title fool you, it's not about fasting, it's about insulin resistance, which, is the reason most people are overweight. This tells you how to correct it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sAqy1lnWXo 0 -
I really don't think it's a matter of self-discipline. If you've been using food to regulate your moods since you were a child, you're going to need to replace that with other things. Nobody will ever do well if they just try to stop their one method of self-soothing; it's the equivalent of saying "I'm going to stop doing this one very successful thing I do to make myself happy and replace it with...just letting myself feel like cr@p."
You are going to need to come up with other things that will help you regulate your moods that aren't food. Have a list of things you can do when you're bored/anxious/depressed that will make you feel better (my list includes going for a walk, taking a bath, doing my nails, etc.)
From a weight-loss perspective, the only thing that is required is for you to eat less than you burn. It doesn't matter what you're eating, so you don't necessarily need to change anything about your eating habits. In fact, I'd recommend starting small and just learning how to log first. Once you're in the swing of logging your food, start to look for little places where you can cut back on your calories. It's not necessarily about making massive, earth-shattering changes; it's about making small changes that you can maintain in the long term.0 -
This reminds me of me. Honestly, I just got sick of it..Sick of how I felt, how I looked, and I took control. You're not unlike most trying to lose weight - It's a mental battle.
I started with giving myself 5 daily goals and I simply checked them off day-by-day. I did this for 2 months before I got into exercising and really trying to understand my diet.1 -
I also recommend buckling down and creating a meal plan for 1 week. Buy perishable foods so if you go off your plan then you're not wasting your money (oats, nuts, rice cakes, low-sodium soups, etc). Do some simple meal prep - Chicken breasts, frozen shrimp, beef patties, turkey meat/pepperoni) Bring your snacks and lunch to work and leave your wallet at home. You can't go out and buy fast food if you don't have your wallet...
Take it day by day, week by week. I can assure you....You CAN do it!0 -
I think channeling your energy into research about what foods you want to eat and planning out meals may relieve some anxiety and get you excited about starting your journey!1
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I've been decent in the past at logging my food--it's just when I fall off the wagon, I know it and I stop logging. Which stops any accountability I once had, and only come back in times like this.
I know all the tricks, I've tried most of them, and each and every one fail. I don't know what I'm doing wrong; I don't know where the system is falling apart. (Also, the list of "things I can do instead" is incredibly short, as most of my mood-regulating things are computer-based, which doesn't lend away from food-eating.)
I don't know. I just feel like I've done the logging, I've done the new tricks, I've done everything y'all have mentioned. And yet here I sit. I know it comes down to a personal mental battle--and I'm losing. And I don't know how to work myself toward winning, in little steps or otherwise.1 -
I suggest starting logging but eating what you do now. Less of it.
Both McDonald's and Wendy's post their nutrition online. Input what you eat into the diary, make better choices. Better choices than you have been. But remember that those better choices don't need to be perfect choices yet.
Try learning to cook or cook more often at home. It will also help save you money.
Start there and change one thing a day or week to work up to healthier habits. Might be less stressful that way!
Stress plays a big factor for me in my desire to log. When I'm stressed, I often resort to the "screw it" method. I have no suggestions on how to reduce stress though. Maybe a few ideas, but I've been unable to implement them myself.
Sleep more
Colouring book?
More play
Baths
Getting stuff that's hanging over your head done instead of procrastinating...
Learning it's ok to be ok with yourself as you learn healthier habits..0 -
Exercise may not be needed for weight loss but it's an excellent mood enhancer. If you're struggling with anxiety and depression that's important. I recently finished my bachelor's degree while working full time and taking care of a family and house. I knew that if I tried to find time to exercise I rarely ever would find that unicorn and I also knew it should be a priority. My solution was to schedule an hour for it every day. Some days it was before work and some days after. I'm also a ZR addict and my every-other-day dose of Sam Yao and company definitely makes me happy. The days in between runs I went to the gym with a friend and did strength training.
When free time is a problem, a calendar is your best friend. The best thing you can do is to look at your work and school schedules every week and pencil in time for exercise at least 5 days per week.
Get into the habit of making a plan for your meals. When you go shopping buy items expressly for your lunches for the week. You could also choose to make extra dinner and pack the leftovers for lunch the next day. Or make up a big batch of something you like and put it into single serving containers for lunches or another dinner later that week. Mason jar salads are a good option, too. If you need one, purchase an insulated lunch bag so you can store your lunch with your other things. You know you'll save a lot of money if you start doing this so try to make it as easy on yourself as possible to do it.0 -
I really don't think it's a matter of self-discipline. If you've been using food to regulate your moods since you were a child, you're going to need to replace that with other things. Nobody will ever do well if they just try to stop their one method of self-soothing; it's the equivalent of saying "I'm going to stop doing this one very successful thing I do to make myself happy and replace it with...just letting myself feel like cr@p."
You are going to need to come up with other things that will help you regulate your moods that aren't food. Have a list of things you can do when you're bored/anxious/depressed that will make you feel better (my list includes going for a walk, taking a bath, doing my nails, etc.)
From a weight-loss perspective, the only thing that is required is for you to eat less than you burn. It doesn't matter what you're eating, so you don't necessarily need to change anything about your eating habits. In fact, I'd recommend starting small and just learning how to log first. Once you're in the swing of logging your food, start to look for little places where you can cut back on your calories. It's not necessarily about making massive, earth-shattering changes; it's about making small changes that you can maintain in the long term.
THIS! 100%
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Hi, I really do feel for you. I'm 29, currently 259lbs (and that's after losing 8lbs so far!) and bipolar. I've been overweight my whole life and I'm 100% a comfort/emotional eater. My partner and I want to try for a baby next year so I knew, it's time to bite the bullet, deal with my emotional baggage and lose the weight.
I do little things to reward myself now. If I manage to walk out of a shop and not buy sweets, I put money towards something I really want, so, I didn't buy that £2 giant bar of chocolate so I put that towards something else. I'd saved up enough with my craving money to buy this beautiful book I've been wanting for so long and that was a bigger happiness rush than any food ever. I also have a money box so every lb I lose, I put £1 in, so next year once I'm down to my goal weight, I'll buy myself something super lovely.
I have to remind myself daily, why I'm doing what I'm doing. I want to be healthy. I want to stop feeling embarrassed when I go clothes shopping. I want to be able to go up some stairs and not be breathless! Keep a mood alongside your food diary, track EVERYTHING, the milk in your tea, a sip of OJ. Everything. And be nice to yourself too. Plus, find healthy alternatives that you actually like. My family are always banging on about wholemeal bread, lentils etc but I hate them so I just replaced the calories they would have been with something else healthy. So, instead of having a sandwich, I take the lettuce, chicken and have some low fat cheese instead, or a boiled egg.
I also do muscle training 3 x a week and walk on my treadmill for 30 minutes, exercise is a huge mood booster when you have mental health issues and I know, the more I do, the more I'll be able to do. Being a server, you're on your feet all day, but what about doing something you like? I love swimming but I'm not confident enough to go swimming in public yet!
Talking is a big one too, use this community. Read success stories, make some friends. It helps. You can do it, you just have to have a little faith in yourself. It's tough but it will be worth it.0 -
A few comments just from what I've seen:
"Make your lunches in advance" <-- This, and its related friend "learn to cook" are problematic because of my job. I can make all the meals in the world, but I still don't have time at work to eat them. And on the shifts where I can sit down for 20-30 minutes to eat, there's not really anywhere for me to keep anything to eat in our coolers and whatnot. It's a small café with very limited space for stuff. I've been trying to bring Atkins meal bars and whatnot with me, because I like those and they're easily transported, but when you know you can get half a curry chicken salad sandwich and some kettle chips for 3.50, suddenly that chocolate peanut butter pretzel bar is looking really boring.
And before anyone says it, I know finding something to rotate it with would help. The trouble is, most of those bars focus on chocolate--which I don't like that much--or other flavors I don't care for. I can start poking around for something small and potentially not-needing-to-be-refrigerated that I can bring with me, but I dunno.
"Finding time to exercise; make time for it" <-- Trust me. I would love to get out and do something. I like walking, particularly with Zombies, Run!, and there are a bunch of awesome places to go walking. But 1) it's Richmond in the summer, so it's 90 degrees out by 10:30 AM, and 2) I genuinely don't have time. I want to. I want to make the time. But between the three or four jobs all my stuff ends up turning into, I'm barely scraping by with what I have. I'm running myself ragged this month with at least 2 major deadlines, and it's making the depression/anxiety flare up hardcore.
"You need other methods of self-soothing, etc" <-- GOD DON'T I KNOW IT. This has been a struggle for me for the better part of a decade now. Exercise does help--when I can actually do it, and if the weather cooperates. I don't fit into my bathtub well (there's a real eye-opener for the fat kid, realizing you can't actually cover yourself with water in the tub) so baths just serve to frustrate me more. I'm very masculine-leaning genderfluid, so while I have a bunch of stuff to do my nails, it's not something I like or am very good at. (Also, being a server, I'd end up chipping them so fast.)
I don't know. I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses or dismissing everything y'all are saying out of hand. That's not my intention; y'all have been awesome.
It's just very frustrating to know exactly what I want to do, what I need to do, and somehow be unable to do it. In order to find time to do all these other things, I have to give up other things I need and love to do. And maybe there's a way to get that done more ahead of time; I'm not sure. I just get to the end of the day and I have to get changed and stare at my body and hate that in the decade and a half I've been fighting this battle, I just keep losing. 0 -
I deal with depression and anxiety also. Sticking to the plan is really really hard some days. This go around with weight loss has been my most successful because I am learning to celebrate my failures. Five days ago I had a rough day. I went 400-500 calories over my daily goal. My mind tried to get me to feel guilty the next day but I relished everything I did right. I still logged everything. I purposely picked my snacks and ate them on a plate in a different room instead of mindlessly crunching away in front of the pantry. Focus on the good parts but let yourself have a good cry in the shower (or wherever) too.2
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KissofJudas wrote: »A few comments just from what I've seen:
"Make your lunches in advance" <-- This, and its related friend "learn to cook" are problematic because of my job. I can make all the meals in the world, but I still don't have time at work to eat them. And on the shifts where I can sit down for 20-30 minutes to eat, there's not really anywhere for me to keep anything to eat in our coolers and whatnot. It's a small café with very limited space for stuff. I've been trying to bring Atkins meal bars and whatnot with me, because I like those and they're easily transported, but when you know you can get half a curry chicken salad sandwich and some kettle chips for 3.50, suddenly that chocolate peanut butter pretzel bar is looking really boring.
And before anyone says it, I know finding something to rotate it with would help. The trouble is, most of those bars focus on chocolate--which I don't like that much--or other flavors I don't care for. I can start poking around for something small and potentially not-needing-to-be-refrigerated that I can bring with me, but I dunno.
"Finding time to exercise; make time for it" <-- Trust me. I would love to get out and do something. I like walking, particularly with Zombies, Run!, and there are a bunch of awesome places to go walking. But 1) it's Richmond in the summer, so it's 90 degrees out by 10:30 AM, and 2) I genuinely don't have time. I want to. I want to make the time. But between the three or four jobs all my stuff ends up turning into, I'm barely scraping by with what I have. I'm running myself ragged this month with at least 2 major deadlines, and it's making the depression/anxiety flare up hardcore.
"You need other methods of self-soothing, etc" <-- GOD DON'T I KNOW IT. This has been a struggle for me for the better part of a decade now. Exercise does help--when I can actually do it, and if the weather cooperates. I don't fit into my bathtub well (there's a real eye-opener for the fat kid, realizing you can't actually cover yourself with water in the tub) so baths just serve to frustrate me more. I'm very masculine-leaning genderfluid, so while I have a bunch of stuff to do my nails, it's not something I like or am very good at. (Also, being a server, I'd end up chipping them so fast.)
I don't know. I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses or dismissing everything y'all are saying out of hand. That's not my intention; y'all have been awesome. It's just very frustrating to know exactly what I want to do, what I need to do, and somehow be unable to do it. In order to find time to do all these other things, I have to give up other things I need and love to do. And maybe there's a way to get that done more ahead of time; I'm not sure. I just get to the end of the day and I have to get changed and stare at my body and hate that in the decade and a half I've been fighting this battle, I just keep losing.
First, a little tough love with the best of intentions - yes, those are all you making excuses. Everyone is busy. Everyone has to overcome challenges to change their lives. Everyone has to play around with their priorities and judge the choices they have made to get them to where they are. Either you want it bad enough or you don't. Nobody can really tell you how to do what you need to do, unfortunately.
As someone else mentioned, exercise is a powerful mood regulator. You can also look into deep breathing exercises and visualization. Can be done for free in not a lot of time. Get a coloring book and some pencils. Leave yourself motivating post-it notes and reminders.
As others have mentioned, eat the same food, just less. There's nothing wrong with a chicken salad sandwich. Commit to one small thing, like logging. Then look at your logs, see where you are wasting calories, and make small changes, one at a time, to fix them. Fit in a 5 minute walk whenever you can, they add up.
Finally, don't give up over one bad day, that might be your biggest problem. No one is perfect, everyone has bad days where they blow away their calorie goal. The ones who succeed, just get back on plan tomorrow. One day doesn't make you healthy, or ruin all your progress. It's what you do most days over a long period of time that determines your results. MFP is full of people with 2 jobs and 3 kids who would rather eat a box of cookies and get more sleep, but they do what they need to do. And you can too! Just take one small step at a time and don't give up :drinker:6 -
You have to be ready and it sounds like you might not be there right now.
I've lost about 100 pounds.
I rarely cook. Many of my meals are a Lean Cuisine and a bag of frozen veggies to go with it. If I'm going to be out, I take a protein bar with me so that I have something that fits my calorie plans if I get hungry and can't find food that I like that fits my goals.
I spend most of my day in front of a computer and I don't exercise. Exercise is great but not required for weight loss.
If you want to lose the weight, you need to control your calorie budget like you control your money budget. That $3.50 might have been cheap money-wise but was expensive calorie-wise. I log everything before it goes into my mouth so that I can decide if I really want to "spend" that many calories to eat it before I've eaten it. I still eat the occasional fast food meal but I plan it into my calories. Losing weight involves compromises.
When you are ready, take baby steps. As stated above, log everything that you currently eat and see where you can make small adjustments like reducing your portion size or substituting a food that you like with a less calorie-dense food that you also like. Don't worry about being perfect. Don't quit after a misstep.3 -
I just want to chime in to commiserate over the weather here in VA. I live in VB and recently went home to Idaho and relished in the dry heat for a month. Got back here and I feel like I might melt. I've been avoiding the outdoors like the plague.
As for your other issues, I can only tell you about what I've done. For me it was like one day a switch flipped in my head and it all came together. It was actually really odd and I have a feeling that if I had tried to do this a few years ago I wouldn't have succeeded. When I started this I had just moved 2500 miles away from everyone I knew except my husband, and I think focusing on losing weight helped keep me distracted from the crushing homesickness I was experiencing. I also was heavier my whole life, eating my feelings, but also just because I love food and I didn't care. I started making small changes at first, and pretty soon all those small things added up and I've gotten great results. 54 lbs down in just over a year and still going.
Small things like:
-When I go to fast food places I try to make smarter choices, like at Wendy's the other day I got the grilled chicken sandwich (<500 calories) and my husband and I split a small fry. I actually wanted the baconator...there are sacrifices.
-I don't usually drink my calories unless its alcohol, and then it's usually planned and accounted for. Diet soda or water, splenda in black coffee.
-I still eat junk food (everyday) but I weigh out portions and put the rest away.
-I trained myself to be able to watch TV or use the computer and not want to mindlessly munch on chips. This was hard, but it can be done.
-I ask myself if I am actually hungry or if I'm just bored. Usually I'm just bored so I find something to occupy my hands and mind. Videogames are great for this.
-When I get the munchies late at night, reminding myself that I can eat tomorrow actually helps. This is part of the boredom thing. I go to bed instead.
-Realizing that not everyday will be a good day. Some days my stomach is a bottomless pit, so I eat to maintenance. This is ok every once in awhile. I'm not big on deprivation. My calorie goal has never been below 1 lb/week and I don't demonize food.
-I choose everyday to continue to prioritize my overall health and to make good choices. If I want something decadent I try to make it fit and compensate elsewhere. I walk around inside my house a lot. Outside is death, per above. Three cheers for central air.
Maybe you just need to keep trying your best and hopefully soon you will be ready for permanent changes. Eat the sandwich at work and compensate for it in your other meals. you don't need diet food to make this work. And I know it sucks, but seeing someone and maybe adjusting your meds could help. I recognize how hard it is when you are so busy, I feel for you, really. I know that when you have all the knowledge and tools to do something and you still can't seem to do it, you can feel like you've failed. You haven't failed, you are still trying! Good luck!3 -
Stop finding reasons you can't, start finding reasons you can, you are smart, you will figure out how to make it work.
I jump into things and sometimes (most of the time) it doesn't work like I planned. But I'm doing it and will change what I'm doing until it works if what I'm doing is my goal.4 -
This.^^ And remember it's taken you years to build those bad habits; it will take you years to unlearn them. Self-discipline is a muscle, so start with small changes and build on them over time. Example: eat that chicken curry sandwich but instead of chips get a side salad or an apple. You will not get it right all the time, but small successes will soon add up to big ones. The more you succeed, the more you'll want to.
It's a marathon, not a sprint.
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I want to chime in because I must agree with some of the comments out there. It seems that you are not ready to commit to losing weight. Believe me I've been there and I could make all sorts of excuses not to exercise. Fact of matter is: there is 24hrs in a day. What you make with that time is up to you. Yes it's HOT! It's very hot where I live at the moment (we are having one of the worst dry spells). I am right now getting up at 5am to walk and then I take short 10 min walks if I can. I've been also walking at 10pm because it's cooler at night. It's what I'm committed to doing. I have the final 5lbs to lose and those last few pounds are worse than the first ones (it seems).
Determination! Commitment! That's what will help you lose weight which will also help you with your emotional eating(that was me 6 months ago).
This is a wonderful website. Use it to your advantage you will be glad you did. I believe that once you start losing weight you will not only feel better but it will help you with your depression.
Pack your lunch or buy some lean cuisines. They are usually on sale and it will help you with portion control. Just watch the sodium content!
Best of luck0
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