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    What's wrong with my new fitness program?

    Posts: 177 Member
    edited September 2024 in Chit-Chat
    So, I have been doing this new fitness program called "The 80's Montage Workout". I put on a power ballad, and I have done two jumping jacks, three sit-ups, two push-ups, ten seconds of running in place (where I comically tripped over nothing). I have been doing this workout for a WHOLE SONG and I am no thinner than when I began. From all the movies I have seen, about halfway through the song you are supposed to be at least 15 pounds lighter and very muscular. What am I doing wrong????!!!

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    Replies

    • Posts: 79 Member
      Do you have the correct hair?
    • Posts: 66
      :laugh: Hire a body double!
    • Posts: 1,199 Member
      Are you wearing the appropriate dirty white sport jacket with sleeves rolled up and a neon t-shirt underneath?
    • Posts: 116 Member
      You need head bands, wrist bands... short shorts and knee high socks.
    • Posts: 827 Member
      Do you have the correct hair?

      And the correct Jazzercise-inspired workout clothes? Leg warmers and a headband are a MUST!
    • Posts: 177 Member
      Do you have the correct hair?
      You know, slightly longish, held back with a red, white and blue sweat band, and it, miraculously, stays perfect throughout the entire workout, as if I hadn't sweated at all.
    • Posts: 177 Member
      You need head bands, wrist bands... short shorts and knee high socks.
      Oh, I have the knee-highs alright... bright white with blue bands at the top (to match the headband)
    • Posts: 6,033 Member
      You have black frame sunglasses on, right? Sweatbands on your wrists? hmmm.. did you take a few seconds to squirt water on your head mid-workout?
    • Posts: 177 Member
      You have black frame sunglasses on, right? Sweatbands on your wrists? hmmm.. did you take a few seconds to squirt water on your head mid-workout?
      That must be it, I forgot the mid-montage water bottle squirt and the instant-dry to show that time has passed!
    • Posts: 3,865 Member
      You have to also be watching Breakfast Club or Valley Girl or Pretty in Pink!
    • Posts: 176 Member
      I know the answer. Are you changing outfits between jumping jacks? Or changing your location between exercises? It is important that you are in different places and wearing different clothes for each exercise...... otherwise it isn't a montage and weight loss cannot occur and world ending paradoxes will ensue.
    • Posts: 1,328 Member
      Depends on the power ballad -- if you chose Journey, the mellow-ness just EXTINGUISHES the calorie burn. Choose Led Zeppelen, and WHAMMO. Slow, steady burn. It's a scientific fact. :}
    • Posts: 827 Member
      Depends on the power ballad -- if you chose Journey, the mellow-ness just EXTINGUISHES the calorie burn. Choose Led Zeppelen, and WHAMMO. Slow, steady burn. It's a scientific fact. :}

      White Snake or Def Leppard will help the burn as well.
    • Posts: 6,033 Member
      I know the answer. Are you changing outfits between jumping jacks? Or changing your location between exercises? It is important that you are in different places and wearing different clothes for each exercise...... otherwise it isn't a montage and weight loss cannot occur and world ending paradoxes will ensue.


      Oh. .. dear .. god ... you forgot to change outfits between workouts didn't you?!?!?!! DIDN'T YOU?!?!!
    • Posts: 14,529 Member
      It only works if you have righteous anger directed at the school bully who took your girlfriend away.

      By the end of your workout you'll be fit, humiliate the bully, steal his car and win the girl back!! :drinker:
    • Posts: 79 Member
      Maybe you need a Tawny Kitaen to roll around on the hood of your car as you work out.
    • Posts: 154
      Do you have the correct hair?

      It has to be BIG...sprayed, and frosted at the tips...otherwise, you gain weight.
    • Posts: 446 Member
      I KNOW I KNOW- do you have a friend there to alternately dunk your head in hot and cold water? Very important. Also, remember to run through some grimy neighborhoods. Railroad tracks, under bridges, that kind of thing. Maybe you'll get it right tomorrow :wink:
    • Posts: 866 Member
      You have to also be watching Breakfast Club or Valley Girl or Pretty in Pink!

      Nice "Valley Girl" reference... one of the more underrated '80s teen movies. Another is "Tuff Turf" starring James Spader.
    • Posts: 7 Member
      You are probably missing the mullet!!!:laugh:
    • Posts: 764 Member
      show previous quotes

      Nice "Valley Girl" reference... one of the more underrated '80s teen movies. Another is "Tuff Turf" starring James Spader.

      :laugh: I made my wife wach Tuff Turf with me and she hated it. The blonde was hot. Now she is a mess and on one of the Real Housewives shows. :laugh:
    • Posts: 231
      You need to have big hoop ear-rings on... this will help get rid of that weight.
    • Posts: 608 Member
      I believe if you do a silent, triumphant laugh and high five someone at the end, you should lose at least 2-3 more pounds.
    • Posts: 168
      Did you remember to wear your Vans?
    • Posts: 177 Member
      Thanks to everyone who played along with me here. :) As a reward, here is a training montage from the greatest 80's spoof movie, Wet Hot American Summer.
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0_WJDige0s
    This discussion has been closed.

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