Trying to focus on something else

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briegirl28
briegirl28 Posts: 121 Member
in Motivation and Support
So, a less qualified person at work that I have been training, and considered a friend, got a position that I applied for. He told me he didn't apply for it and he has far less experience.

I am trying to not be upset, but it is hard. I actually considered him a friend and one of the actual positive aspects of my job. :/

Feeling like my life is falling apart.

Replies

  • jbirdy76
    jbirdy76 Posts: 161 Member
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    Keep your chin up.... that is a tough situation! It always hurts when it feels like someone has been dishonest with us!
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Ask for some feedback on why you weren't successful so you know what to work on.

    And I'd ask your friend why he lied.
  • tcunbeliever
    tcunbeliever Posts: 8,219 Member
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    Do you think your friend is lying? Do you think you could talk to the hiring manager about why you didn't get selected for the job and ask for suggestions regarding things you can change or improve if you want to continue pursuing that position?
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    Maybe he applied after you two had the conversation about him applying. Or maybe the hiring person wanted him enough that he hired him without an application. Who knows, but that should not be your focus. Your focus should be on building your skills so that you can advance, either with this employer or with another. That may mean thinking about what your friend has or knows that you do not, and developing that skill or knowledge.
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
    edited August 2016
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    TavistockToad wrote: »
    Ask for some feedback on why you weren't successful so you know what to work on.

    And I'd ask your friend why he lied.
    This is always a good suggestion. Ask for a meeting with the hiring manager. Be calm and professional and simply ask what you can do to improve so that the next time a promotion opportunity opens up you'll be ready. Then ask what was the differentiator between you and the guy who got it. It could be that you're lacking a certification or degree the other person has, even if he has less experience. You'd be amazed how many people feel that a piece of paper from an educational institution is more important than 5 years of experience doing the job. However, it could be something completely arbitrary. You'll know if the manager hedges and can't give you a straight answer. Doing this you'll not only figure out what the differentiator might be, and whether it's something you can correct, but you'll also impress those above you that you want to improve.

    I'd also ask your "friend" what really happened. Again, calmly and professionally, although it's acceptable to let him know you're hurt. Maybe he didn't really apply at first and got asked to then was embarrassed to tell you he did it. Maybe he's not really a friend but a back-stabby *kitten*. You won't really know until you ask.

    Edited to add:

    Some companies offer an educational reimbursement program. If it's education, look into utilizing it. Education is extremely important to my employer, given that it's a scientific and engineering company. People rarely get hired unless they have at least a bachelor's degree. I got lucky because I had enough experience that they made an exception. I used the company's education benefit and, even though it took me 5 years taking classes part time, I just finished my bachelor's degree at 50 years old and the company paid for every cent of it.
  • BZAH10
    BZAH10 Posts: 5,709 Member
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    Sorry, that is a difficult situation. Give yourself a short time to grieve and be angry, but while at work be positive (fake it if you have to) and do as the others have suggested: find out more facts. Mainly, why you weren't hired and what you can do to have a better chance in the future. The details regarding the other person really don't matter.

    Sorry you feel betrayed, but business is business and while it's nice to have friends at work my personal opinion is keep business and pleasure separate at all times. Head up, OP! Look at all the positives in your life.
  • briegirl28
    briegirl28 Posts: 121 Member
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    Yeah, the company I work for has a long history of favoritism and nepotism. They wanted the people they hired for the position and they told them to apply. They often promote the children of older workers, etc. They will not be honest when asked. I had more experience and I managed the particular area the work focused on.

    The hurt is that this person was trained by me. He doesn't know everything he lets on to knowing. He has less than probably 6 years of total working in his entire life.

    I'm going to try to smile but it is hard. It is just s strong betrayal. I mean, hours of talking about the position (that he received special training for) and he just went along nodding and being dishonest. That is that sad part and I regret believing that he was trust worthy.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    briegirl28 wrote: »
    Yeah, the company I work for has a long history of favoritism and nepotism. They wanted the people they hired for the position and they told them to apply. They often promote the children of older workers, etc. They will not be honest when asked. I had more experience and I managed the particular area the work focused on.

    The hurt is that this person was trained by me. He doesn't know everything he lets on to knowing. He has less than probably 6 years of total working in his entire life.

    I'm going to try to smile but it is hard. It is just s strong betrayal. I mean, hours of talking about the position (that he received special training for) and he just went along nodding and being dishonest. That is that sad part and I regret believing that he was trust worthy.

    My advice would be to start looking for a new job.
  • angelwowings23
    angelwowings23 Posts: 128 Member
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    I deal with a lot of really ridiculous stuff at my job. Things happen here that I swear couldn't possibly take place at any other place of employment where professionalism is actually important. However, at the end of the day, I enjoy my job and the people that I directly support and I make good money. You need to sometimes shuffle through the *kitten* and see the positives in your situation. Do you like your job otherwise? If not, maybe it's just time to seek new employment and start a new path for yourself at a new company where you would be treated fairly.
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
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    TavistockToad wrote: »
    briegirl28 wrote: »
    Yeah, the company I work for has a long history of favoritism and nepotism. They wanted the people they hired for the position and they told them to apply. They often promote the children of older workers, etc. They will not be honest when asked. I had more experience and I managed the particular area the work focused on.

    The hurt is that this person was trained by me. He doesn't know everything he lets on to knowing. He has less than probably 6 years of total working in his entire life.

    I'm going to try to smile but it is hard. It is just s strong betrayal. I mean, hours of talking about the position (that he received special training for) and he just went along nodding and being dishonest. That is that sad part and I regret believing that he was trust worthy.

    My advice would be to start looking for a new job.

    Given that information, so would I. In my experience, companies run that way have lots of problems. Favoritism and nepotism usually result in less than ideal personnel in key positions.
  • briegirl28
    briegirl28 Posts: 121 Member
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    I'm trying, I really am. I love what I do, and yeah, the stubborn part of me dislikes that no matter how well I do something or how I try to apologize for mistakes made in the past, etc., it doesn't matter. They will still promote someone with less knowledge, experience, and maturity. They really could give less than a $&@/ if I lived or died, despite how much work I do and how well I do it.
  • sallygroundhog
    sallygroundhog Posts: 133 Member
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    SueInAz has some very good suggestions.

    Your situation also sounds to me like it could be ageism and sexism. I don't know if you would care to pursue that.

  • briegirl28
    briegirl28 Posts: 121 Member
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    I would if I could. :(
  • briegirl28
    briegirl28 Posts: 121 Member
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    So, things started feeling better last week. I had to just not think about the shadey politics. But, then I got accused of stealing at a place I volunteer at and the person in charge searched my bag. :( that was really humiliating. They didn't find anything, but she still acted like she did despite my telling her the reality he the situation. So, it's embarrassing and it sucks a lot.

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