Lack of support from family.

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  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
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    CurlyCockney wrote: »
    Stop telling your parents your plans. You don't need their (or anyone else's) approval at your age.

    This.
  • BrianSharpe
    BrianSharpe Posts: 9,248 Member
    edited August 2016
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    jgnatca wrote: »

    How about opening a Go Fund Me page for your Kilamanjero trip ........

    Seriously? How about saving your own money rather than engaging in high-tech panhandling? Just because it's on-line doesn't add dignity to begging........

    I suspect that the OP would find this suggestion offensive too as she seems to want to be a fully realized, independent adult......
  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,339 Member
    edited August 2016
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    BrianSharpe wrote: »
    SoxyKitten wrote: »

    My parents are so negative towards my fitness goals & the things I want to do in my life. They complain when I do the likes of Tough Mudder or other mud runs, when I did a bungee jump last year they fell out with me as it was a dangerous & stupid thing to do. I go to the gym "too much" ( twice a week on my days off is usual ). I shouldn't be wasting my money on entering things such as races or the abseil I'm doing on Sunday. Last night we had a row because I'm planning to climb Kilimanjaro next year with 2 friends & they say it's a stupid idea. And that as a single mum I'm being irresponsible to even think about it!

    I try not to ask them to babysit where possible when I'm doing fitness related things. I don't ask them for money. They know that I'm much happier living an active, fit life. So please, as outsiders, tell me why are they so against everything I do!! I'd love them to be supportive & proud but I think they'd prefer me to sit on the sofa watching tv all day :(

    Good for you for taking steps to make positive changes in your life, I would love to climb Kilimanjaro (it's actually on my bucket list)

    It sounds like your activities are in no way impacting them, it may sound harsh but it may be time to tell them to STFU and mind their own business and, worst case scenario, break off contact from a toxic relationship.

    Be careful doing this. I did this exact thing, and have lived to regret it. Now I wish I had my real father here to nag me. Not all people who pester are "toxic"...neither are all people who say the wrong things. Sometimes it's all they know. And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying be a rug and let them walk all over you or treat you badly; I'm saying be careful cutting them out completely, be careful taking that stand, as you never know when it'll be too late. Much love! xo
  • ElkeKNJ
    ElkeKNJ Posts: 207 Member
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    I think you are doing great in balancing work, motherhood and Life. Tell them that you appreciate their concern, but as their daughter, you want them to be proud of you. Perhaps you can invite them to come and watch a mud run, and go for a meal after. And I do get them about the climbing of the mountain and the bungee jumping. I so hope my three kids never do that. Too bad for my heart.
  • SoxyKitten
    SoxyKitten Posts: 80 Member
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    Thanks guys. It's great to get everyone's points of view. I appreciate all your inputs. X
  • upoffthemat
    upoffthemat Posts: 679 Member
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    SoxyKitten wrote: »
    makingmark wrote: »
    Have you ever sat down and had this conversation with them?
    I have had some pretty blunt discussions with my parents and over time they have actually changed. I also realize that although my parents have their faults and are going to drive me nuts at times on the whole they really are fantastic, caring people and have shown an ability to adapt that has surprised both me and them. They have changed a lot since I was a kid, but they are still a whole different generation and have some viewpoints I just don't get.
    There was a time I was close to as frustrated with my parents as you seem to sound, it may be worth it find a time to just sit and talk openly about your feelings and concerns.

    I think a conversation like you suggest is definitely on the cards sooner rather than later. I just wish they wouldn't be so nasty when they are poo pooing my dreams!! Kilimanjaro is a once in a lifetime thing & at this rate it'll be ruined by their attitude. I'm afraid after nearly 40yrs on this earth, their opinions still get to me & can hurt me deeply :(

    I totally understand that feeling. I just got to a point where I had had it. I felt like I didn't have anything to lose because the relationship had become so toxic. The good thing is that they realized it too. We had a few long talks, shed some tears, hollered a bit and ended up hugging it out eventually. The root of it all is that we love each other and we were letting other crap stand in the way.
    Your parents need to know that this is making you happy and you are still thinking of your future even though you are spending money now. It is their job to worry about you, let them know you are hearing them.
  • lizzieloo934
    lizzieloo934 Posts: 58 Member
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    It is hard when we have unsupportive parents...or parents who cant support us in the way we need them to.

    Don't bring up your fitness with them, it is clearly a topic you can't discuss together. And remember it takes 2 to fight. If they start a fight over fitness you just assert yourself "I'm not comfortable discussing this, can we please talk about something else?" if they refuse, then leave.
  • SoxyKitten
    SoxyKitten Posts: 80 Member
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    lizzieloo934 wrote: »
    It is hard when we have unsupportive parents...or parents who cant support us in the way we need them to.

    Don't bring up your fitness with them, it is clearly a topic you can't discuss together. And remember it takes 2 to fight. If they start a fight over fitness you just assert yourself "I'm not comfortable discussing this, can we please talk about something else?" if they refuse, then leave.

    That's what I did last night. When my mum said my plan to climb Kilimanjaro was idiotic I just said I was too tired after a long work day to argue, got my daughter organised & we left.
  • middlehaitch
    middlehaitch Posts: 8,483 Member
    edited August 2016
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    Coming a bit from the other side. With a 43 yo son I suspect I am old enough to be your mother.

    As we get older we can tend to be less adventurous and more worrisome.
    We can also find it a bit harder to adjust to new ideas and lifestyle changes.

    They may just need to hear more practical information. How you are financing, insurance, wills, flights, lodging, equipment, Emergency evacuation plans. Child care arrangements, house care arrangements.

    When my son was 23 and I was 43 I would have kissed him on the cheek and told him to have fun.
    Now, 20 years later, I would need reassurance that he had a well thought out plan- and it may take a couple of months for me to get my head around it.

    Remember you have been working through your new lifestyle in your head for a long time, taking it from a small seed of an idea right through to a full blown plan. But each new adventure you tell them is something that they have to internalise and get use to. It takes time.

    Have you asked them along to watch your mud runs?
    They may make excellent spectathletes and get a greater understanding of why you enjoy what you do.

    It is hard to recognise that you do worry and have more fears as you age, but it does happen to most of us.
    (Replying to this post made me recognise that I do, and I'm quite adventurous)

    Cheers, h.

    I really hope you can all make peace with your plans.
  • jessef593
    jessef593 Posts: 2,272 Member
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    I simply go everyday for me and me alone. I have several supervisors at my work who are constantly giving me a hard time about working out all of the time. Saying it's all pointless. All the while I look at the crap they eat and the fact that they huff trying to walk up stairs. Just go for yourself, that's who you're doing it for. Who cares what others have to say or think.
  • lizzieloo934
    lizzieloo934 Posts: 58 Member
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    SoxyKitten wrote: »
    lizzieloo934 wrote: »
    It is hard when we have unsupportive parents...or parents who cant support us in the way we need them to.

    Don't bring up your fitness with them, it is clearly a topic you can't discuss together. And remember it takes 2 to fight. If they start a fight over fitness you just assert yourself "I'm not comfortable discussing this, can we please talk about something else?" if they refuse, then leave.

    That's what I did last night. When my mum said my plan to climb Kilimanjaro was idiotic I just said I was too tired after a long work day to argue, got my daughter organised & we left.

    Good for you! Many people just allow others to treat them poorly, I am glad you had the confidence to leave. You are a good role model for your daughter as well.
  • SoxyKitten
    SoxyKitten Posts: 80 Member
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    lizzieloo934 wrote: »
    SoxyKitten wrote: »
    lizzieloo934 wrote: »
    It is hard when we have unsupportive parents...or parents who cant support us in the way we need them to.

    Don't bring up your fitness with them, it is clearly a topic you can't discuss together. And remember it takes 2 to fight. If they start a fight over fitness you just assert yourself "I'm not comfortable discussing this, can we please talk about something else?" if they refuse, then leave.

    That's what I did last night. When my mum said my plan to climb Kilimanjaro was idiotic I just said I was too tired after a long work day to argue, got my daughter organised & we left.

    Good for you! Many people just allow others to treat them poorly, I am glad you had the confidence to leave. You are a good role model for your daughter as well.

    Thank you! I spoke to my PT today who is also a very good friend & he agreed with all of you. He said that I should be understanding of their worries, explain why it's important to me to be fit & active & how important my goals are, & go ahead & achieve them with the support of my friends if my folks are still reluctant. Feeling much better about things now! Thanks guys xx
  • KDar1988
    KDar1988 Posts: 650 Member
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    I deal with this too. My sister says that I'm obsessed with the gym because I workout 5-6 days a week. Not obsessed...getting healthy! I would continue doing what you need to do for you, that's all the matters! I think it's great that you're setting a good example for your child and not engaging them in an argument over it.

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