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The Mental Health Hotline

If you're an obsessive, compulsive press 1 repeatedly.
If you're co-dependant ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities press 3,4,5, & 6.
If you're paranoid, we know what you are & what you want, so stay on the line & we'll trace your call.
If you're delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you're schizophrenic, listen very carefully & a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you're depressive it doesnt matter which number you press no-one will answer your call.
If you're dyslexic press 69696969.
If you have a nervous disorder please fidget with the hash key til you hear a beep, then after the beep wait for the beep.
If you have a short term memory loss please try your call again later
If you have low self esteem hang up because all our operators are too busy to talk to you.

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