Depressed and need some support

kimberlyfarmer92 · September 2016

I have been doing spin classes for about 8 months now and body pump classes for 2 months. For the most part I feel better and like doing it but I do not see much change. And it doesn't help that I have a sister in law that every chance she gets she tries to tear me down by say that I am wasting my time and money on these classes. That I will never lose the weight. It really hurt when she says these things to me. Over the years I have been there for her and I keep her kids alot for her. I never tell her no when she asked me to do something. I just don't understand why she feels the need to tear me down. Sad thing is I am beginning to think she is right. Other than feeling good about doing something besides sit around I have not seen any results. What else can I do?

nutty_me · September 2016

Hi Kimberley
You are doing amazing for being so committed to your classes. It's great that you are enjoying it and that is why you should carry on doing what makes you happy. You are on this journey for yourself and if you are feeling better then that is great

Can I just ask Is your sister in law "perfect" in every way?

I have also sent you a friend request. Keep up the hard work and try not to let her hurtful comments bring you down as you are doing so well

kimberlyfarmer92 · September 2016

Thanks I have no plans to stop. No she isn't perfect by no means. To explain a little, I am the type person who tries to please everyone and I care to much about what others think of me. She and I are pretty close or so I thought. I love her like a sister. I don't have kids so I do everything she ask. I never even miss a ball practice for her boys. So when she started saying mean things about my exercising I really let it get to me. She truly broke my heart. After everything I have done for her for her to try and hurt me that way is very hurtful. I know I have got to learn to care less about what others think and focus more on what makes me happy. Thanks for your positive words. I accepted your friend request.

distinctlybeautiful · September 2016

I don't know exactly what results you're looking for, but if you're trying to change your body shape, food will be the key. Exercise is amazing and helps, but it generally isn't enough on its own. I like to look at exercise as a way to get fitter and stronger and as something that makes me feel really good, and I see food as the real impetus for change. Are you measuring and logging your food?

SueInAz · September 2016

Here's a big hug for you.

One thing you need to keep in mind is that when people say the types of mean things you're hearing it's about THEM, not you. She's obviously not happy that you're doing something she may know she needs to do but isn't willing. Perhaps she's worried that you'll look "better" than she does. She may not even realize how hurtful it is. It might be a good idea the next time she says something mean to calmly say something like "You know it really hurts me when you say things like that." At the very least, if she really cares about you she'll stop saying those things out loud.

sohifirefly · September 2016

I'm sending you a friend request too. Weight loss starts in the kitchen so look at your "diet" to see what this issue might be there. You're doing a fantastic job with your classes so keep going! It sucks that she isn't supportive but don't let that get you down. You do you and be awesome!

johnnylloyd0618 · September 2016

Going out on a limb here, I have a feeling SHE notices the change and not within herself...Just my opinion! My coach used to bust my chops and tell me, you "didn't gain that much weight in 6 months, you aren't gonna lose it in 6 months" He was right. Its been a long road and sometimes the scale is not your best friend but your clothes are! Even though the scale doesn't go down, my clothes fit better. Keep in mind, muscle weighs more than fat, so as you lose fat, you are toning and gaining lean muscle. Judge yourself by how you feel! Keep plugging, its worth it!

kimberlyfarmer92 · September 2016

Thanks. I accepted your request. When she said the things she said I told her that she hurt my feelings and that even if she doesn't approve or doesn't want to do that herself then she could at least say I am glad you like it and no put me down for doing something for me. Crazy thing is I would never have started these classes if it wasn't for her. She asked me to go with her and then 2 weeks in she decided she didn't like it that she would rather walk outside (which she still doesn't do). So I told her just because she didn't see results and didn't like it it didn't mean she could cut me down. She should be happy I am at least trying and doing something for myself.

kimberlyfarmer92 · September 2016

I haven't been the best with my food but I am trying. I know that's one reason I am not losing. We eat out way to much. My goal is to lose 150 pounds and hopefully in the process get pregnant. I have been trying to get pregnant for 15 years. So while losing weight and feeling good is my goal, my main goal is to get my pcos under control so I can get pregnant

Daddyspepper · September 2016

Keep at it! Your motivation and determination are inspiring. From my perspective it sounds like your sister in law is jealous, and who wouldn't be? Sounds like you are doing the one thing that she has not been able to commit to herself. Keep up the good work and friend me if you want!

PennWalker · September 2016

Tell your sister in law to stop making comments about your exercising. Tell her the comments make you feel bad. Tell her it is your decision to take the classes and she needs to respect that. (edited to say it looks like you tried to do this already)

There are a lot of people like her in the world, unfortunately, who get "high" from putting other people down. When she starts, just say "Stop it" and walk away. Good luck, you can do this!

Reader818 · September 2016

If she's continuing to say these things after you told her how you feel, then maybe it's time to bring your spouse into it. She's your family, but she was his family first. That means acting as a referee is part of his job.

kimberlyfarmer92 · September 2016

Thanks everyone, all of your advice has help me feel better. I really needed to vent and have some one to listen.

SueSueDio · September 2016

kimberlyfarmer92 wrote: »

I haven't been the best with my food but I am trying. I know that's one reason I am not losing. We eat out way to much. My goal is to lose 150 pounds and hopefully in the process get pregnant. I have been trying to get pregnant for 15 years. So while losing weight and feeling good is my goal, my main goal is to get my pcos under control so I can get pregnant

Getting your food intake under control is likely to be the biggest help to you in managing your weight, if you can get a handle on that. Check out the groups on the forums here, I believe there's one for ladies with PCOS and they may have some helpful advice for you.

JeromeBarry1 · September 2016

Your SIL is not talking about you. She's talking about herself, her self doubts, her self-loathing. You're just the poor sap who has to hear her do it. On the bright side, you can lose the excess weight and get very healthy with a happy attitude to boot while she wallows in her emotional cesspool.

peterbuller8 · September 2016

She is just mad that you could keep going when she could not keep up the good work when i started out a lot of my mates were the same "you will never keep it up " or "your too old and fat for the gym" im 46.
Now 42lb lighter they all say "wow how did you do that" you are doing it for you not her so try not to get up set and think of how she will look when you reach your target .

yogaski83 · September 2016

I agree with the above posts regarding diet. A food scale really opened my eyes to the amount of calories I'd been consuming! Prior to weighing my food, I would track 1 tablespoon of peanut butter when in reality my one tablespoon was two. And your sister in law needs to keep her unsolicited workout advice to herself. Keep doing what your doing, and just make steps to better manage your diet.

brb_2013 · September 2016

Do you feel better? I've just been walking for work and it's only been a week but I feel much stronger. Perhaps you should check your nutrition and make sure you are getting enough protein, and reign in your calorie countingoal.

But as far as this person tearing you down, I've learned the coolest response "(her name), why do you feel the need to hurt my feelings by saying these things?" And see what she says. People are often caught off guard when their rudeness is pointed out. Maybe she needs to hear that she's hurting you. You can enjoy an expensive class just to enjoy it, call it your me time and probably stop talking about weight loss with her. There are many people in my life I can't talk to about all this because they believe unscientific methods and I need to be in my own world about it. Can't handle other people's opinions, my own are negative enough!

sally_bowers · September 2016

Omg! I can't even believe your sister in law can't be supportive of your choices. I'd say don't even sweat her! I'm amazed that you can took actually have been doing this class for 8 months!! Impressive!! It's not about loosing the weight, it's about gaining self worth, self gratitude, a better self esteem, and the ability to kick butt! You are doing it!! I have never even done a spin class and let alone any class for 8 months!? That's devotion!! You should be extremely proud of yourself! Who cares about the weight, your enjoying it! That's all that matters, everything else will fall into place but have fun and don't make it about loosing weight make it about enjoying the experience and making new friends. The more your sister in law barks at you the more you take more spinning classes and can't watch her kids

kimberlyfarmer92 · September 2016

Thanks everyone. I will check out the groups. I am still trying to figure everything out on this app. I had a few bad days when I was down and depressed. I let her get to me. But no more will this happen. I am going to try my hardest to ignore it and my husband kinda spoke to her. She's mad at him at the moment lol. But at least he stood up for me.

lorrpb · September 2016

kimberlyfarmer92 wrote: »

Thanks. I accepted your request. When she said the things she said I told her that she hurt my feelings and that even if she doesn't approve or doesn't want to do that herself then she could at least say I am glad you like it and no put me down for doing something for me. Crazy thing is I would never have started these classes if it wasn't for her. She asked me to go with her and then 2 weeks in she decided she didn't like it that she would rather walk outside (which she still doesn't do). So I told her just because she didn't see results and didn't like it it didn't mean she could cut me down. She should be happy I am at least trying and doing something for myself.

The bolded statement explains everything. She feels guilty or whatever for quitting, so she cannot accept that it might be a good thing for you. It's too bad that people have to be that way, but they can be. Fitness works wonders for your health, strength, & endurance. The calorie burn is minimal compared to what is needed to lose weight. As they say, weight loss happens in the kitchen, fitness happens in the gym. Get on board with food logging and calorie counting to create a deficit if you want to lose weight. There is TONS of good info on this site about exactly how to do that.

Depressed and need some support

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