Husband wants me to lose weight

My husband is average to slim build. I have struggled with my weight for most of my life. It has lead me down very unhealthy paths of restricting, purging, and self-hate. It's not something I talk about often. I want to be healthier but I want to take care of myself and love myself too. I recently expressed my desire to lose some weight to my husband and he was a little to quick to "support" the idea. He said if I lose 50 pounds he'll take me shopping for some new clothes. My first thought was where did he come up with this number? And my second was that he must have been thinking about this for a while. The thing is I'm the same weight and size as when we got married. I can't help feeling a little hurt and confused. I also worry that if/when I lose weight, if he is more complimentary or affectionate, I will feel resentment. Has anyone else had this issue with their SO?
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Replies

  • Trish1c
    Trish1c Posts: 546 Member
    First what do you want to do? If you don't want to lose weight, tell him to take a flying leap.

    Since you said you want to be healthier, define that for yourself.

    Then recognizing that he was trying to do the right thing, but screwed it up, lovingly & calmly talk to him. Start by telling him you appreciate that he wants to support you but do tell him how much his exact word choice hurt.

    Finally, after you define what "healthier" means for you, set about achieving that goal for yourself not because he asked or promised new clothes but because it's what you want for yourself.
  • It sounds like you should lose the SO. LOL. And the weight when you can and at your own pace.
  • CincyNeid
    CincyNeid Posts: 1,250 Member
    As a husband. I would never express that ideal to my wife. At all. Period. End of discussion.

    I'm sorry that you're in this boat......
  • Elise4270
    Elise4270 Posts: 8,375 Member
    newMDgirl wrote: »

    I also worry that if/when I lose weight, if he is more complimentary or affectionate, I will feel resentment. Has anyone else had this issue with their SO?

    I think you'll find more confidence about yourself. I don't think you'll feel it's for anyone but you. Because that's the only way it can be done.
  • Return2Fit
    Return2Fit Posts: 226 Member
    You're the one who brought up the subject - not your husband.
    And of course he wants you to lose weight.
    Most people married to an obese spouse want them to lose weight for health reasons as well as other factors.
    They usually just don't say what they've been thinking all along, because to give unsolicited advice on weight management seems unkind and borderline mean.
    Be glad he's supportive and then really decide if this is something you truly desire. It sounds like your husband loves you no matter what you do. When I was in your shoes, I chose health, and if this becomes your path as well, you'll find plenty of support on MFP.
    I hope to see you around, because losing weight is simple but hard, but so worth it.
    You can do this!
    Good Luck!
    <3