Parenting and the "clean your plate"/dessert mentality

Maybe try giving smaller portions and then telling them they can ask for more after finishing what they already had. I would also say to make them drink some water or wait a couple minutes to see if they still want seconds.

One thing that bugs me is seeing parents giving kids a very similar portion size as their own and then getting mad for the children not finishing it.

Put the food on the table and let them take what they want. Instead of filling thier plate for them. The only thig I would do is make them try a small bit of the stuff they don't like, only a bite if that's all they want. as for the dessert, I would stop that at every meal, only have it on special occasions. You don't want them thinking eating = sweets. IMO

Probably best to get rid of dessert altogether its meant to be a treat not a regular occurance, they may start associating clearing plate as being good, then dessert with reward.

Which starts the food assocation with emotion thing.

Smaller portions
get rid of dessert (use a low sugar jelly/jello instead of chocolate?)
frozen flavoured waters (ice lollies)

People can naturally tell when they are full but with being told 'finish your plate' starts people being unable to tell, the whole guilt thing of leaving food, then you will naturally give smaller portions

in the past few years its taken me a bit to get out of the finishing your plate brigaide.

With the dinner/dessert part, we'll do what my mom did.

If there is a new food on the table you are required to eat at least one bite.
Once you're old enough to serve yourself, you must finish what you took if you want a snack between meals... dessert was a snack, not a meal. (I still do this one to myself... if I have to fill in calories at the end of the day but I didn't finish my dinner, I don't get my low cal ice cream; I have to choose something else.)

Kind of interesting... we do treat food as rewards don't we: dessert for finishing your dinner; icecream/ macdonalds if they behave when you take them shopping... kind of like dog training.

guess someone made a great point above, small portion and they can have extra if they would like... totally agree with finding it difficult when parents feed children the same size portions as them, it's wrong.

My parents had a SURE-FIRE way to treat this.

Small servings - we were free to back for 2nds, 3rds etc. But, when we were done - we were DONE for the night. No snacks, no late night fridge runs.

Going to bed hungry won't kill them; but it does teach them a lesson. Eat Dinner, eat until you are sated. The idea of letting them skip dinner, then snack on candy, ice cream, fruit, popcorn, cereal does nothing but teach them to skip the nutrition that has been prepared; wait and you can eat your fill of junk food.

So, deny them the junk food. It's just that simple. Eat dinner - watch TV, then go to bed. No snacks.

Here's an idea:

Give them a small amount of dessert first. Like one or two bites. [Eating dessert first is NOT a crime]. Why dessert first? Because that way, you're not using it as a reward at all. It's just food. One bite of everything first, then eat what you want.

They can have the rest after they've TRIED everything else. I never made my kids clean their plates, but they had to at least try everything. It can take as many as 40 'tries' before they develop a taste for some foods. You just have to persevere.

Creating battlegrounds over food leads to overweight kids, overweight teens and overweight adults. Please Please Please Don't make food the line you draw in the sand. Denying your kids anything and making them aware of it will only make them want it more and kids are inventive. If they're inclined, they'll find a way. I know a mother who NEVER EVER gave her daughter candy or treats. What did she get in return? An overweight teenager with 'honesty' issues. Yeah, right.

Set good examples and provide healthy foods, but don't make this a hill you're willing to die on. Provide raw veggies and dip every night and make fruit your dessert. An apple cut up and microwaved with a little cinnamon. Cottage cheese and pineapple. Bananas dipped in peanut butter. It doesn't have to be cheesecake or ice cream every night. Split a bag of M&M's between 4 of you at the movies. That's all anyone needs and teach them that's a treat for special occasions. But don't deny them completely. It will backfire.

My friend had a little boy who ate jam sandwiches for 4 years. Nothing but jam sandwiches. She kept making sure other things were available until he came around. He's survived to be a star soccer player. My daughter would only eat 4 foods for about the same time period. She's grown into an active, size 2 adult that eats just about anything and doesn't have any hangups about food. She is self-regulating on about a 3 or 4 day natural cycle. She eats really well one day, then tapers off for a few. My son is another story. He inhales food. LIke the proverbial Hoover. If it's in front of him, he'll eat it. He'll seek it out if it's not. So...I try to make sure what's in front of him and what' 'hidden' around the house is reasonably healthy. Veggie platters and plenty of fruit laying around. He's 14 and has taken to exercising on his own this year. Thank God for girls. I thought it would never happen.

Hollycat
:flowerforyou:

My parents had a SURE-FIRE way to treat this.

Small servings - we were free to back for 2nds, 3rds etc. But, when we were done - we were DONE for the night. No snacks, no late night fridge runs.

Going to bed hungry won't kill them; but it does teach them a lesson. Eat Dinner, eat until you are sated. The idea of letting them skip dinner, then snack on candy, ice cream, fruit, popcorn, cereal does nothing but teach them to skip the nutrition that has been prepared; wait and you can eat your fill of junk food.

So, deny them the junk food. It's just that simple. Eat dinner - watch TV, then go to bed. No snacks.

^^This. That's how it was at our house growing up. And yes, we knew we had to finish whatever we put on our plates. But knowing we could have seconds if we wanted it, kept us from wasting food. I think learning not to waste food is just as important a lesson in self control.

How do you stop it and just TRUST your kids to eat until they're full? Just say okay and if they didnt eat it cover it and put it in the fridge when they ask for food give them thier plate. If they dont want it they are not hungry. At first they think sweet! but then they realize they are eating alone and dont like it. Mine have also tried to say "oh its bed time but I havent had dinner" Oh well your dinner is in the fridge. They are kinda shocked at first but they have learned to eat when we eat as a family because it isnt so lonely.

How do you not cringe when you scrape their leftovers into the trash? I don't anymore. I used to think wow what a waste! But I also weighed over 310 lbs I have learned In my life there will be more food. I do not have to over eat just to clean my plate. when you are done you are done.

How do you know they're not eating a food because they are full or just not wanting to expand their palate? They say that if a child sees a food on thier plate 30ish times they will try it on thier own. I have tried this and it works! Its on thier plate weather they want it there or not. "but mom I don't like it!" I say "so just leave it there u dont have to eat it." ignore the behavior if there is any whining if they believe u wont force them they wont complain, after a while they will try it. It works! My 11 year old recently said "mom please dont put that rice on my plate" I said 1 spoon full but you dont have to eat it. He said "ok" He has tried all diiferent kinds of rices here and there. So durning dinner I asked him "why dont you like the rice?" He said because it feels funny in my mouth, it reminds me of little worms. I dont care for the taste either" I said " I wont put rice on your plate any more" I decided he was old enough to decide that and gave me a good reason. So now when we have rice I dont put any on his plate but when it looks new he has tried it on his own and still says he doesnt like it. You control what and when they eat but they should have a say in how much.

Isn't it hypocritical to ask kids to "fill up" on dinner in order to get dessert (overfilling or they "save room for dessert")?
Yeah this isnt a good idea. when they are done they are done.

Just do away with dessert altogether? Or change the association from dinner to activity? I often have my kids help prepare food and more often a dessert. We dont have dessert everyday or even once a week, its random. When they ask I say "nope not tonight" "Why not " "because desserts are a once and awhile treat, if u want something sweet there is friut in the fridge."

I have 3 kids: boy 11, girl 5, and boy 3. I have used this system with them since day one. There isn't a food they wont try or let me put on their plate. I have given them the freedom of choice, a little power. Children need to feel in control of some things in their lives. Why not food? We also talk about what we are eating, whats on the table is healthier, what would be a better choice for a 2nd helping and letting them have what they pick. At first its a free for all but if you talk about what they are eating, Why we eat, how it feeds your body, even why it tastes so good. They will make better choices for the rest of thier lives, I hope anyway. LOL!