Back again after a messy break up

BuglesBoy
BuglesBoy Posts: 16 Member
in Introduce Yourself
About a year ago I joined MFP and met some amazing people! I was only active on my account for about 2 months and lost 30 pounds.. Unfortunately I strayed away for awhile getting back into old eating habits and no regular exercise.... After being single for awhile I had met someone a few months later... At the time I hadn't gained much of the weight back that I had lost but the man I had begun to fall in love with had a secret fetish... He was very thin and in shape when I met him but he called himself "a gainer" .. He enjoyed stuffing himself full (or having a partner feed him) of junk food, fast food, pizza, (you get the idea) ....

It was some type of sexual fetish that played a role in his sexuality... He was attracted to men who had big bellies, guts, beer guts.... Now I'm someone who has always struggled with my weight and I love food and love to eat... But I never enjoyed gaining the weight and would be upset if I did... Never did I feel food to be apart of my sexual desires either... Food did not turn me on sexually like it did him ...

I think the fact that he made me feel so comfortable in my skin and made me feel so confident being at a bigger size just made me fall for him more.... Long story short we both gained 45 pounds during our relationship and now it is over... I was very foolish to allow myself to change who I was just to satisfy his needs and desires... Love is blind...

I'm back to square one again but my question to all of you being so open about this is why can't I get over him? I feel very confused and hurt... There is much more to this story but I'll save every detail... I'm just wondering if any one else has heard of this fetish...

I'm not posting this for negativity or hate so if you feel the need to put some ignorant comments please save it... Thank you.

Replies

  • Im_just_saiyan
    Im_just_saiyan Posts: 7 Member
    Don't be too hard on yourself! Like you said love is blind I'm sure we have all been there in some way I know I have! I'm new to this I had this app once or twice and never really used it but I can still say welcome back and it's great that you are going right back to what makes YOU happy and feel good❤️
  • Im_just_saiyan
    Im_just_saiyan Posts: 7 Member
    Oh I just saw the last part I'm sorry I was multitasking when reading .. I have heard of that fetish in passing a co worker was talking about it once and I had to ask what it was. Getting over someone you still love is hard and I know it hurts .. Please don't hate me for saying this but time really does heal . I always hated when people said it to me but it's true. I just couldn't get over my sons dad I thought about him all the time and it hurt to know we were over. I hope you have a great support system and if not I'm here along with many others. Hang in there love.
  • N1keS0cc8rRunne7
    N1keS0cc8rRunne7 Posts: 43 Member
    i think there are a good amount of thinner men who like bigger guys (the bear type)...they are called chubby chasers. i had my fair share hitting on me when i weighed in the mid 200's (my heaviest)....and it really made my skin crawl because i felt so gross, dirty and miserable being so fat.

    you can definitely lose the weight with a little effort and consistency (especially if you gained it over a short period of time).

    I personally was so desperate to get out of the 200's (struggled for years) and feel comfortable meeting someone that i convinced my doc to write me an Adderall prescription--which worked so well in high doses. once i hit 199lbs, i felt so great and euphoric and knew that if i ever saw 200lbs again on the scale, i'd most likely drive off a cliff lol....so i was motivated to move forward and keep losing more weight (without the drug)! THIN=AWESOME
  • JustRobby1
    JustRobby1 Posts: 674 Member
    People that willfully engage in self destructive behavior such as what you described go beyond mere compulsion or fetish, psychologically speaking, and instead rises to the level of a mood, neurotic, or personality disorder.

    Mental health is a touchy subject as it relates to homosexual men, mostly based upon it's not so distant past of treating the sexual preference itself as a disorder in older DSM's. The unfortunate tradeoff is many in the psychology field either misdiagnose or refuse to offer adequate treatment to gay men for fear of being sued for malpractice or worse. OCD type disorders like your ex has can however be treated with both pharmaceuticals and therapy.
  • FromFattie2Fittie
    FromFattie2Fittie Posts: 139 Member
    Getting over it will be hard, but you'll do it with enough time :) And I had a friend who was obsessed with bigger guys, and would put men down for being "scrawny and disgusting" even though they were fit and athletic. It is okay to have preferences but she preyed on men who already had extra weight, and would allow/beg them to gain more just to feel accepted..never change for anyone other than YOU. Other than that, welcome back to MFP and I know you'll reach your goals. As for the heart ache, it will ease up with time. Trust me :)
  • daisygirl2017
    daisygirl2017 Posts: 107 Member
    When did you break up? My husband left me ends of July and I'm still trying to get over him. Add me is your want. Fetish aside your still had a relationship and he made your feel wanted so it's hard when you don't have that anymore.
  • allieparkia
    allieparkia Posts: 304 Member
    Feel free to add me, always good to have new friends!

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