Husband wants me to lose weight

Personally, it kind of sounds like you wanted validation for your current situation rather than actual support for your weight loss. You should be excited to have someone who is supportive and on your side. He clearly loves you REGARDLESS of your size or he would probably be gone already. After all, you're the one that came to HIM about your weight loss, not the other way around. What would you want him to say? "No, don't lose weight, I love you the way you are?" Or did you actually want support, which to me it sounds like he gave you.

I recommend finding a constructive way to deal with your insecurities rather than channel it into resentment toward your spouse.

newMDgirl wrote: »

Thank you all for you insight. For the record I was hoping he would be supportive but more the "I'll help you if that's something you want to do." But I acknowledge that it was more likely an imperfect phrasing rather than an insult. It's not something he has experience with so he doesn't know how to talk about it. It's probably, as some suggested, more my internal negativity coloring the situation.

Yes, I think you're interpreting his comment through a negative lens. But now that you know that, you can move forward.

If 50 lbs is too daunting at first, make a deal that you can get XYZ rewards along the way... like a new pair of jeans at 10 lbs, some new shirts at 20 lbs, etc. to the point where you have your "new clothes" by the time you reach 50 lbs.

Mouse_Potato wrote: »

I think sometimes we fool ourselves in to believing the people around us haven't noticed our weight. I know I did. I thought I was so sneaky wearing solid colors and loose blouses and trying all the tricks the magazines tell you about. Then one day you say "I think I should lose some weight" and nobody looks shocked and it's a bucket of cold water for certain!

Exactly. And I was mad when someone noticed it... making it their problem when it was mine.

Think of it as a positive, you've expressed the wish to lose weight and he's being supportive by offering you new clothes when you hit a target. :-) maybe that 50 is just a number he plucked out of thin air at the time. Try not to read too much into it, enjoy the journey and look forward to that shopping trip :-)

I would say that he was trying to be supportive and give you a small push to start your weight loss journey. I also believe that him mentioning shopping new clothes was to give you motivation. I mean, you said yourself that "I have struggled with my weight for most of my life. It has lead me down very unhealthy paths of restricting, purging, and self-hate." It's only normal (in my opinion) for your husband to want to see you happy and I honestly do not believe he will be more affectionate if you lose weight, I mean he's with you all this time anyway right? You however will be happier and this will definitely reflect on your relationship!

I'd suggest not to let yourself into negative thoughts about your husband. Since you want to lose weight because you feel you have to take care of yourself and love yourself more, focus on that. Appreciate that your husband is supportive, you will really need him next to you along the bumps on the way.

courtniekrebs wrote: »

I have. Last year he gave me an ultimatum.. lose weight by our anniversary or I'm leaving. It crushed me. It did motivate me to start bettering myself. I went from 180 to now 153. He wasn't nice about it the whole time i was busting my butt and after a while I realized it was mental and emotional abuse. I left last month and now bettering myself is less stressful and those around me lift me up and show me I'm amazing.

However, there's a huge difference between an ultimatum and what OP experienced. I'm glad you got out of that though because that's absolutely terrible.

OP, unfortunately we like to think our weight is invisible to the ones under the guise "they should love me no matter what." Although that should be a case, we use it as an excuse. I actually had a boyfriend tell me I was overweight. It was solely factual, and true, yet I still got upset at the time. And honestly? I still didn't do anything until years later when I was dating my now husband. Accept the support, continue to have conversations with your husband, but do this for you.

"Lose 50lb and I'll pat you on the head like a good girl and buy you some clothes" is hardly supportive. At best it's downright bloody patronizing.

If he was being truly supportive, he'd have asked how much she felt she needed to lose, what she thinks are reasonable goals for getting there and what sort of support she needs.