Husband wants me to lose weight
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Point is - Hes always loved you for who you are.. with some chub.
and he will be by your side no matter what but this suggestion of losing weight entices him because in turn you will be the same person and abit more attractive. (not that he doesnt find you attractive already)
but you are being negative and looking for problems that don't exist.1 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »
Supportive is giving someone what they need, not what you arbitrarily decide they need.
Supporting is giving someone what they need, not necessarily what they want or how they want it.
Also, you are the one who wants to lose weight. Your husband did not come up with the idea nor did he force it on you. He merely put a number to it and if you feel that the number is wrong, have a discussion with him about it.
As for the reward, I'd have given anything for my wife to have offered to buy me a new wardrobe. I had to replace mine 3 times. It's VERY costly. Don't see an act of kindness as anything other than that, however misguided it may be.
Talking about spousal rewards; I heard about a great bargain between husband and wife. He tended to be a little heavy on the accelerator, and was bringing home photo radar speeding tickets. In the interests of domestic bliss, they agreed that if he came home with another speeding ticket, she got to shop for new shoes. She doesn't dread another ticket showing up any more. Her new response is, "New shoes!"5 -
courtniekrebs wrote: »I have. Last year he gave me an ultimatum.. lose weight by our anniversary or I'm leaving. It crushed me. It did motivate me to start bettering myself. I went from 180 to now 153. He wasn't nice about it the whole time i was busting my butt and after a while I realized it was mental and emotional abuse. I left last month and now bettering myself is less stressful and those around me lift me up and show me I'm amazing.
Wow, I'm sorry to hear this. I am happy that you are in a better place....wow...<<<<<hugs>>>>>0 -
My thoughts are, he can probably use a Google search and use a BMI calculator. I am also assuming he knows your weight and height. Perhaps that contributed to the 50 lbs. perhaps he is concerned for your health and not just sex appeal. I have a relative who was helping his spouse for health reasons. Not because he didn't love her the way she is. But because her body is in a mess. Perhaps your spouse is feeling the same way. He could be just concerned. Why don't you talk to him. If you are on here, you must want to lose a said amount of weight. So tell him I want to lose 5/10/25 etc pounds. Will you support me without being pushy or negative. Inform him that bad days may happen and not to bug you for it. Perhaps include him in daily walks or bike rides.
Just my 2 cents1 -
PennWalker wrote: »"Lose 50lb and I'll pat you on the head like a good girl and buy you some clothes" is hardly supportive. At best it's downright bloody patronizing.
If he was being truly supportive, he'd have asked how much she felt she needed to lose, what she thinks are reasonable goals for getting there and what sort of support she needs.
Exactly right.
OR
Husband: I'm going bald. I think I might get some hair transplants
Wife (enthusiastically): Great! Get some hair and I'll get you a new car!
What would be the problem with this? If I was considering hair transplants and not only is my wife amenable to it, she'll buy me a car, I'd make a consultation appointment THAT DAY. Approval, support, and a reward? SCORE!!!
Best. Wife. Ever.
The point here is that the OP's husband was emotionally insensitive.
A lot of us are touchy about our weight and appearance.
Instead of being enthusiastic about her losing weight and coming up with the 50 pound number, the better answer would have been "I love you no matter what you weigh. I'm with you no matter what you decide to do. If you want to lose weight, I'll support you in any way you want."
Instead, his enthusiasm and coming up with the 50 pound figure said, "Yes1 You're fat fat fat! I can't wait until you lose weight and will buy you gifts if you do it!" A jerk.
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PennWalker wrote: »PennWalker wrote: »"Lose 50lb and I'll pat you on the head like a good girl and buy you some clothes" is hardly supportive. At best it's downright bloody patronizing.
If he was being truly supportive, he'd have asked how much she felt she needed to lose, what she thinks are reasonable goals for getting there and what sort of support she needs.
Exactly right.
OR
Husband: I'm going bald. I think I might get some hair transplants
Wife (enthusiastically): Great! Get some hair and I'll get you a new car!
What would be the problem with this? If I was considering hair transplants and not only is my wife amenable to it, she'll buy me a car, I'd make a consultation appointment THAT DAY. Approval, support, and a reward? SCORE!!!
Best. Wife. Ever.
The point here is that the OP's husband was emotionally insensitive.
A lot of us are touchy about our weight and appearance.
Instead of being enthusiastic about her losing weight and coming up with the 50 pound number, the better answer would have been "I love you no matter what you weigh. I'm with you no matter what you decide to do. If you want to lose weight, I'll support you in any way you want."
Instead, his enthusiasm and coming up with the 50 pound figure said, "Yes1 You're fat fat fat! I can't wait until you lose weight and will buy you gifts if you do it!" A jerk.
Not a jerk.
She's already aknowledged that she needs to lose weight and he IS supporting her - why should he lie and sugar coat just to please someone whos made a mess of themselves in the first place?
Maybe (keyword maybe) thats what's led to her weight gain in the first place. Lies and fake flattery, not necessarily by him but by people in general. Maybe she has a medical condition, I dont know but context is key.
We should stop trying to mould people all the time. "this response isnt good enough, this is how he should respond" Really, now I have to walk on eggshells around my partner too?
What if she was really excited about her new journey and he said "Meh, Im not bothered either way" - is that positive/encouraging?
I think people should stop being so damn sensitive/pedantic and negative all the time and appreciate that your partner is there for you.. even with their so called flaws i.e lack of tactics.
Damn, sounds like I gave a lecture. I can assure you that wasnt my intention.
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selina884;37588651: I think people should stop being so damn sensitive/pedantic and negative all the time and appreciate that your partner is there for you.. even with their so called flaws i.e lack of tactics.
I gave my opinion and you have a different take. The bottom line is we don't personally know the wife and husband -- at least, I don't know them. I'm taking a guess as to the underlying intent of the husband, but I am making internet comments about a man I have never met. His response hurt her feelings. I feel he was insensitive and you think he was supportive. Neither of us really know. In the end, I hope the two of them work it out between them.3 -
I never lashed out or got upset with him about it. I posted to get some perspective and challenge my thought process. The situation is resolved on our end. Was he just trying to supportive and accidentally got his foot in it? Yeah for sure. He has never been more then a couple pounds "overweight" in his life. And even then still a healthy weight. It's not something he has experience with. Does he love me? Of course. Does he secretly wish I as thinner? Who knows. Both can be true at the same time. Whether or not I'm "being sensitive" doesn't change the fact that it's a *kitten* feeling to know that your partner possibly isn't as happy as they could be for a physical reason. But, I would never lose weight for another person. I'm trying to be better in many ways, for me.7
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I had this issue with an ex boyfriend. While it hurt, we broke up and I lost 20 lbs after hearing his voice echo inside my head. We later got back together and while I was upset at his comment, I was so pleased with my results and so was he! I actually felt sexier and happier with myself. I still wish he would've loved me for me, but without his words, I would've never realized how unhealthy I had become. Although it may seem hurtful, we are all visual creatures. My motivation now to tone up is because I have a *NEW* hot boyfriend that has a banging body! I want him to look at me and see what I see in him. It's more than muscles. It's his drive, his determination. He loves me for me and has NEVER told me to lose weight. But he tries so hard to be attractive for me, and I feel I owe that to him.2
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I can't believe people are calling him a jerk. Damn.
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Hauntinglyfit wrote: »I can't believe people are calling him a jerk. Damn.
Being a husband is absolutely terrifying...
...nowhere more so than on MFP.7 -
You're married to him, you should know... I think he is coming from a place of support.
You are struggling with the idea of losing weight still and are sensitive to what he has to say in the matter. Men don't know when they are hurting your feelings sometimes, but I am sure he is just trying to be supportive.0 -
PennWalker wrote: »selina884;37588651: I think people should stop being so damn sensitive/pedantic and negative all the time and appreciate that your partner is there for you.. even with their so called flaws i.e lack of tactics.
I gave my opinion and you have a different take. The bottom line is we don't personally know the wife and husband -- at least, I don't know them. I'm taking a guess as to the underlying intent of the husband, but I am making internet comments about a man I have never met. His response hurt her feelings. I feel he was insensitive and you think he was supportive. Neither of us really know. In the end, I hope the two of them work it out between them.
agreed, thankyou for not being offended by my take.0 -
Although your husband might be wanting you to lose weight for yourself and his benefit, It's all down to determination and whether you're happy and comfortable within yourself. Losing weight is a lot of hard work.
I started my new job in 2014 weight 153lbs...by December last year I weight 197lbs..I didn't feel unhappy about my weight until I started seeing photo's of myself and since Jan this year I now weigh 169.5lbs. The way you look at his perspective is up to you. Losing weight is about doing it for yourself..not for your husband.
Personally I think you look fine, but who said a new wardrobe isn't good every once in a while? Use this app everyday, It's what I do, some days I'm a little over and some I'm under but if you're willing to give it a try what have you got to lose? In the end you'll be gaining lot's of new clothes.
If you're happy the way you are give your husband the middle finger0
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