In seek of mutual encouragement!!

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lily083087
lily083087 Posts: 21 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm in the midst of an epiphany. I saw a picture of myself from this morning while I was out at happy hour with my mom. It was appalling.

Today, my boyfriends brother got married. I searched for a dress in my closet that I would feel comfortable and even pretty in. I found one and as I slipped it on I actually felt good in it. I looked in the mirror and thought "not bad" and walked out the door. Later I was scrolling through Facebook and stumbled upon a photo from the wedding. I saw myself and I couldn't believe that was how I looked in reality. How was it that I was seeing myself in the mirror one way and then seeing myself completely differently in a picture? I showed the picture to my mom and said "wow! Is that how I REALLY look??" (Hoping and praying she would say no) She hesitantly shrugged and then said ...yes. She said YES! Shock and stress spread through me like the blood in my veins. I asked her "am I 'the fat girl?'" And she again hesitantly shrugged and then told me the brutal honest truth.

I'm wrapping my head around this concept. I am officially fat. Not just a little curvy. Not just a bit pudgy this week. I'm full on fat. My weight has always fluctuated but I've never felt like a "fat girl". Maybe I've been in denial. Maybe I just didn't see it. Or maybe I've just finally reached that point where it has become reality. Either way, I'm here now and I can't believe it. This may be the most honest I've been with myself in a while.

The worst part of it all is that in May I had lost a good bit of weight and was feeling great. Then vacation happened... All the eating out and excuses. I haven't been able to get on track again since then and now I'm facing the consequences. I've probably gained it all back and then some. I feel completely defeated. I also feel guilty because I've allowed my boyfriend (who happens to be a very handsome male model) date a fat girl! Granted, he has never said a word about it and calls me beautiful every day despite how I feel or look but I'm ashamed that I've let this happen.

Upon this realization today at happy hour, I became sick to my stomach. Perhaps ignorance is bliss? Maybe I'd be happier if I hadn't been in those photos. Or maybe this is the epiphany and the kick in the *kitten* I need to get my *kitten* together.

As much as it hurts, I'm going with the latter. Which brings me here. It's my last year in my 20s and I'm going to make it my peak year. I'm going to be in the best shape of my life. It's going to hurt and it won't be fun, but I'm ready.

If anyone read this entire post, please reach out. I need all the support I can get. I need to change my life.

Xoxo, Lily

Replies

  • lily083087
    lily083087 Posts: 21 Member
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    Haha the *kitten* was auto corrected by MFP. I would never kick a kitten!!
  • dancing_chemical
    dancing_chemical Posts: 18 Member
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    Wow we are really in the same boat. I am here for you!!! MFP has been a great resource for me. At the very least you are talking to people who understand. It may not happen overnight, we may have to start again, but we can do this! <3
  • ChristineDuran1
    ChristineDuran1 Posts: 9 Member
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    Hi Lily,
    My name is Christine and I think we could help each other out. I've never used the community portion of this app but I'm having trouble consistently using mfp so I'm thinking having a stranger buddy would help me feel more liable. I used this app probably two years ago and lost 30lbs. I was the healthiest I had ever been and loved it. Between no longer being a group fitness instructor, finishing up my BA and working on a big move I've gained about 10 pounds. I'd like to shed them as fast and healthy as I can. This app does work. I don't know what I would have done without it. I'm just needing that extra bit of motivation right now haha. Reading your post I could hear myself talking. My bf and I had gone skydiving for our 2yr and that's when I saw my "fat girl" pic. He's quite slender and handsome as well so I get the guilt. After seeing that picture of myself I joined here and never went back to that weight. I'd love to help you get there. I dig your enthusiasm
  • epicstapler
    epicstapler Posts: 10 Member
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    Totally in the same boat as both of you Christine and Lily.
    Worse still i keep falling off the dieting wagon and my weight is all over the shop.
    Sounds like we could definitely help eachother out haha :)
  • ajshepherd3
    ajshepherd3 Posts: 8 Member
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    Hi, I have about 20 kilos to lose and really need a kick up the *kitten* at times to keep motivated. I have lost weight before and then regained it...used job changes and moving as excuses. I have a bit of a journey ahead but like you I need to do this. Time to make a change X
  • PinkPixiexox
    PinkPixiexox Posts: 4,142 Member
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    First of all, that girl you saw in the mirror in that beautiful dress? Beautiful. And listen here, you are not "The Fat Girl". I know how it feels to look in the mirror and think "Ok, this is fine.." and then see a photo of yourself in the same outfit and want to die from shame. You know what that is? Total and utter self-bullying. We are living in a world where we 'must be thin and not a pound more'. We are told that our stomach's must be flat, our arms musn't wobble and god almighty our thighs must not touch. All of that? Total, utter, nonsense.

    You are not a fat girl. You are a woman. And you'll see many pictures of yourself and think "God, that's awful" because we are our own worst enemies. But I just want to reach out and tell you this - I don't know you, but you are beautiful. There is more to your life than being a certain size and weight. Rock that dress and keep your head high.
  • rachaelob93
    rachaelob93 Posts: 1 Member
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    I've been there myself and I'm going to be completely honest or I'll just be kidding myself - if other people are reading how yucky I've been I'll be more motivated I reckon... So this time last year I was a lot bigger than I'd have liked, at 5"4 I'd gone from 7 and a half stone to 10 stone and felt disgusting (I even got stretch marks on my thighs! Yack!) - as luck would have it (not that it feels lucky in the slightest) I suddenly became gluten and lactose intolerant apparently due to a number of stresses in my life. After coming off both gluten and lactose my weight fell to 8 and a half stone within a couple of months and I felt great! I'd never been able to lose weight before and it looked like gluten was the culprit. I've been working with a dietitian over the past year and managed to get back on gluten (just not the pasta for some reason) and am working my way back onto lactose ... unfortunately this has come with weight gain again and I'm now 9 stone and looking to shed half a stone again. But! I've done it before and I know I can do it again, and I know you can too! Just be disciplined and you can make it happen
  • mommaporter11
    mommaporter11 Posts: 56 Member
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    This post ❤️ I'm right there with you! I'm making the rest of 2016 an 2017 MY year focusing on me an loving myself. I hope to be in the best shape of my life here in the near future. Im going to add you because I'm also in need of support an just seeing daily loggers on here motivates me to do the same!!

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