Getting fed up with the "You've lost to much weight comments"
dave_in_ni
Posts: 533 Member
Does anyone else get this? Its all getting a bit sickening now. The problem is the folks saying it don't realise they are overweight.
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Replies
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I hate compliments too. People always telling me how good I look, what a great job I did with a project, or how beautiful my wife and kids are. People are always so damned friendly and positive. It's enough to make me go emo. What a bunch of no good busy bodies. Society, man. Society.31
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Its got given as a compliment though, its a "Your looking to skinny now" comment.6
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There are two reasons for this. Either you are starting to look sickly because you're not putting on muscle and/or losing muscle while eating at a high deficit like you've been informed before, or the individual's conception of weight is skewed. I get called anorexic by the older generation despite being no where near it. I shrug it off.3
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vespiquenn wrote: »There are two reasons for this. Either you are starting to look sickly because you're not putting on muscle and/or losing muscle while eating at a high deficit like you've been informed before, or the individual's conception of weight is skewed. I get called anorexic by the older generation despite being no where near it. I shrug it off.
Yes exactly it is the older generation that give these comments.1 -
Haven't experienced that. Lost about 28 lbs now. No one has said a word to me about it no matter what their weight or relationship to me. No compliments, no complaints. I never talk about my weight or weight loss though.2
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People say this about my sister and it bugs me.
She and I started on our weight loss quests at the same time. I was morbidly obese and she just had a little chub. People I work with, who knew her when she used to work there say she's too skinny now. Is she very slim? Yes. But she's not skinny. Just super lean, and she busts her *kitten* to be that way. Six pack, bis, tris, quads, the works.
Then they tell me to never get that skinny.
Skewed perceptions. That's all.9 -
dave_in_ni wrote: »Does anyone else get this? Its all getting a bit sickening now. The problem is the folks saying it don't realise they are overweight.
Dave what are your stats? How quickly have you been losing, and how much have you lost?
I personally have never seen what you look like, so I don't know whether you look too skinny or not. I also don't know whether these other people commenting are really overweight or if it's your perception. How can someone not realize they are overweight?
If you are losing weight too quickly, people in your life might say you're losing too much weight out of concern. This can be especially true if you have a skinny-fat look (which, I don't know whether you do or not, I am just speculating at this point).
I've had people say I was getting too thin, and yet others who said I needed to lose more. I figure they have a rights to their opinions, just as I have the right to reject what they say.
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you could lose some more weight per your other threads, if that's what you want to hear.0
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Are you too skinny? Like SLLRunner, I'd like to know a bit about your stats before chiming in.0
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many people just don't know what a lean healthy person looks like. there were periods in history where being somewhat chubby was the ideal of health, and I think some people still think you're not eating enough, or not enjoying life enough if you are slim. And it probably bothers them on some subconscious level that you're achieving what they are in denial about.6
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My boyfriend gets the same comments from his family. "You've lost so much weight, you look ill, why are you still losing weight?"
The funny thing is he's still at the top end of the overweight section of the bmi chart, they just have a very skewed perception of what a healthy weight looks like.3 -
I've had the opposite. I've been asked how I've lost so much weight and don't look sickly and gaunt like other people they know who have lost a lot of weight. In fact, one person said my skin looks amazing (and I had not a stitch of make-up on that particular day). Difference is I've lost relatively slowly and have strength trained throughout. I look fit and healthy because I am fit and healthy.
You cut with a huge deficit so I wouldn't be surprised if you look a bit drawn in the face which can lead to people extrapolating it to being too skinny as they perceive your weight to be lower than it is. Perils of losing too fast.5 -
dave_in_ni wrote: »Does anyone else get this? Its all getting a bit sickening now. The problem is the folks saying it don't realise they are overweight.
Dave what are your stats? How quickly have you been losing, and how much have you lost?
I personally have never seen what you look like, so I don't know whether you look too skinny or not. I also don't know whether these other people commenting are really overweight or if it's your perception. How can someone not realize they are overweight?
If you are losing weight too quickly, people in your life might say you're losing too much weight out of concern. This can be especially true if you have a skinny-fat look (which, I don't know whether you do or not, I am just speculating at this point).
I've had people say I was getting too thin, and yet others who said I needed to lose more. I figure they have a rights to their opinions, just as I have the right to reject what they say.dave_in_ni wrote: »Does anyone else get this? Its all getting a bit sickening now. The problem is the folks saying it don't realise they are overweight.
Dave what are your stats? How quickly have you been losing, and how much have you lost?
I personally have never seen what you look like, so I don't know whether you look too skinny or not. I also don't know whether these other people commenting are really overweight or if it's your perception. How can someone not realize they are overweight?
If you are losing weight too quickly, people in your life might say you're losing too much weight out of concern. This can be especially true if you have a skinny-fat look (which, I don't know whether you do or not, I am just speculating at this point).
I've had people say I was getting too thin, and yet others who said I needed to lose more. I figure they have a rights to their opinions, just as I have the right to reject what they say.
Oh yes lost it to quick, 60 lbs in 6 months, I am skinny fat.
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VintageFeline wrote: »I've had the opposite. I've been asked how I've lost so much weight and don't look sickly and gaunt like other people they know who have lost a lot of weight. In fact, one person said my skin looks amazing (and I had not a stitch of make-up on that particular day). Difference is I've lost relatively slowly and have strength trained throughout. I look fit and healthy because I am fit and healthy.
You cut with a huge deficit so I wouldn't be surprised if you look a bit drawn in the face which can lead to people extrapolating it to being too skinny as they perceive your weight to be lower than it is. Perils of losing too fast.
I had this yesterday. In the U.K. We work with stone rather than lbs. An older guy says " Dave don't loss any more weight please, how much do U weigh now" i told him 12 stone, No way are you 12 stone, more like 11 which is around 150lbs, He is 13 he told me and to me looks thinner than me.0 -
Maybe those people commenting are concerned for you?Oh yes lost it to quick, 60 lbs in 6 months, I am skinny fat.
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The art of getting along with people includes graciously accepting what they say while letting it flow in one ear and out the other.
People rarely mean to be malicious, and are often genuinely concerned because rapid weight loss has a long cultural association with illness. You can choose to be annoyed, or choose to accept things in the best possible light.6 -
Just ignore them. You are usually pretty good at ignoring so stick with that.9
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Seeing as how you under-eat nearly every single day, there's a good chance you *might* actually be getting too skinny.3
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dave_in_ni wrote: »Its got given as a compliment though, its a "Your looking to skinny now" comment.
Yes, just got this from my mom today. When I told her I needed to lose another 15 lbs in addition to starting to build muscle, she thought I was crazy. When she asked what I weigh now, I told her 147 (I'm 5'6" med frame) she didn't know what to say. Also, I'm not getting enough protein so I bought powder to make smoothies since I'm going to be adding weight training next week. When she saw it, she said it was ridiculous.0 -
People like to have something to talk about. If anything changes around them, big or small, they will talk about it, and that means you, too.
I am a 5'4" woman. A few years ago, I lost about 40 pounds and got down to 145. A neighbor asked another neighbor if I was ill or had cancer (145 is the edge of normal and overweight for my height). The second neighbor promptly told me. Good grief, people, get a life.
If my mother or somebody close to me talked to me about being too skinny and I knew I wasn't, I think I would get an inch from her face and tell her in a friendly manner that I was fine, that she was bugging me, and she needed to find another hobby.1 -
The only people allowed to tell me that I'm losing too much weight are the ones that were brave enough to tell me when I was too fat. That count is a grand total of two people...my midwife and my doctor.14
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Oh my goodness, based on thrse posts I'm not likely to compliment people who lost weight anymore. I had no idea that others don't like it! Interpreted harmlessly it means, "You look awesome." I never mean it to infer that the person didn't look good before they lost weight. My friends who lost 40 or 50 pounds looked pretty even before they lost weight. The clothing options increase but mostly attractiveness is exuded from confidence, presence, and grooming IMO.3
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Oh my goodness, based on thrse posts I'm not likely to compliment people who lost weight anymore. I had no idea that others don't like it! Interpreted harmlessly it means, "You look awesome." I never mean it to infer that the person didn't look good before they lost weight. My friends who lost 40 or 50 pounds looked pretty even before they lost weight. The clothing options increase but mostly attractiveness is exuded from confidence, presence, and grooming IMO.
There's a world of difference, though, between "Did you lose weight? You look great!" and "You're so skinny now, stop dieting!"
Some people don't really like any comments at all on their weight, regardless of how flattering they might be, but a lot of these threads I see are people complaining about the second kind of comment.
I think some of it is, as others mentioned, a combination of skewed perceptions these days of what a healthy weight looks like plus concern that weight loss can be an indicator of illness. And also, if someone does lose a lot of weight in a short space of time then it tends to be more noticeable if people around them haven't had time to adjust to their new appearance. Especially if they haven't invested in new clothes yet, they can look lost in their larger clothes and appear much thinner than they actually are!
But yeah... OP, if your doctor tells you you've lost too much then take notice of him/her. Other people you can ignore or not as you wish.
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I lost weight from my chubby face, but not from my chubby gut, so I "look" thinner than I am. When people tell me I have lost too much weight, I simply point to that overhanging gut and suggest that when they see me in a Speedo, they will think I have not lost enough!5
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Oh my goodness, based on thrse posts I'm not likely to compliment people who lost weight anymore. I had no idea that others don't like it! Interpreted harmlessly it means, "You look awesome." I never mean it to infer that the person didn't look good before they lost weight. My friends who lost 40 or 50 pounds looked pretty even before they lost weight. The clothing options increase but mostly attractiveness is exuded from confidence, presence, and grooming IMO.
I had someone tell me recently not to lose any more weight because "you looked better with your weight on". I don't think that meant I look awesome. If she wanted to compliment me she could have told me I looked good, not that I looked better before. For the record, I am in the middle of a healthy weight range, not too thin. Most of the comments I have received have been positive but I have had a few of the "you're too thin" comments and they are hurtful.1 -
Oh, thanks for explaining.1
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Oh my goodness, based on thrse posts I'm not likely to compliment people who lost weight anymore. I had no idea that others don't like it! Interpreted harmlessly it means, "You look awesome." I never mean it to infer that the person didn't look good before they lost weight. My friends who lost 40 or 50 pounds looked pretty even before they lost weight. The clothing options increase but mostly attractiveness is exuded from confidence, presence, and grooming IMO.
Protip: Don't ever tell a guy "You've gotten so skinny!". "Skinny" may be considered a compliment by most women, but it's considered an insult by a lot of guys. You might as well have just said "You're looking pretty wimpy these days", because that's about how it will probably be interpreted.6 -
I think there's also a potential for people to be used to us looking a particular way, and it just somehow vaguely "looks wrong" when we change quickly. Also, I agree with whoever said we can look a bit drawn at first, especially if we lost weight quickly. I had someone (a fit person whose opinion I respect) say "you looked really skinny to me at first, but now you look really strong & lean" . . . I think the difference was mainly things like loose skin shrinking back a bit, as I haven't added muscle in the few months between.
For the "too skinny" worriers, I found "I feel great and my doctor considers this a healthy weight for me" (both of which were actually true) to be a shut-'em-down but polite answer, and beyond that I just let it go in one ear & out the other. Shrug it off . . . unless they're right.4 -
It is a bit rude to tell anyone what to do actually unless someone asks. People must feel annoyed sometimes when loved ones make comments about weight. Losing weight is a personal decision, and goals should be where the dieter decides and not by outside observers.1
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Oh my goodness, based on thrse posts I'm not likely to compliment people who lost weight anymore. I had no idea that others don't like it! Interpreted harmlessly it means, "You look awesome." I never mean it to infer that the person didn't look good before they lost weight. My friends who lost 40 or 50 pounds looked pretty even before they lost weight. The clothing options increase but mostly attractiveness is exuded from confidence, presence, and grooming IMO.
Protip: Don't ever tell a guy "You've gotten so skinny!". "Skinny" may be considered a compliment by most women, but it's considered an insult by a lot of guys. You might as well have just said "You're looking pretty wimpy these days", because that's about how it will probably be interpreted.
Oh I totally agree on that term "skinny". I tend to think that is an unflattering term for men or women. A lot of people don't feel that way and throw the term skinny around even for a normal BMI descriptor. But to me "skinny" means someone is underweight with bones sticking out.
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