My husband had a major heart attack!

rodeothedog
rodeothedog Posts: 45 Member
edited November 13 in Motivation and Support
He is alive and well......not really well but alive. A quick 411. Was over weight, family history, poor eater, high blood pressure and big time smoker...hence window maker heart attack. He survived and quit smoking.

Now what I need.

Is there anybody out there that has a husband, boyfriend, partner who doesn't want to get healthy while you do?

Is there anybody out there that is with someone who has a chronic disease or is sick?

Is there anyone out there that is married to someone much older than you? ( hubby is 9 years older)

I feel the last 9 months have been about his health. His heart attack has caused so many other medical issues such as depression, tired, decreased closeness etc I feel consumed with worry over his health that mine takes a back burner. I am exhausted and scared all the time. I am proud he doesn't smoke but dieting is super hard. Also I feel extremely guilty that I think he is getting , "old" and I still feel young and active. ( I feel like a horrible person just typing that)

I just need support from people that are trying to better themselves while going through some life issues.



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Replies

  • Karen_can_do_this
    Karen_can_do_this Posts: 1,150 Member
    Sending hugs hunni
  • ronjsteele1
    ronjsteele1 Posts: 1,064 Member
    My husband is 10yrs older then me. He is naturally slender but has put on 20#'s this past 10yrs or so and could stand to lose it. I cook healthy and serve him and he buys crap and eats it. I don't eat what he buys and he doesn't offer it to me. Although I am noticing the age difference (he needs hearing aids), in terms of my weight loss, I don't let his health affect me. We work on his blood pressure, etc. separate from anything I have going on.
  • BellaMnk
    BellaMnk Posts: 9 Member
    I wish your husband a full recovery (\(n.n)/)
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
    Please remember that the best thing you can do for yourself and for your marriage is to do what is best for you. :smile:
    Especially makes sure that you get enough sleep and downtime. Lots of hugs.
  • Nachise
    Nachise Posts: 395 Member
    Please take care of yourself.

    I grew up as the daughter of a heart patient, my older brother is a heart patient, one of my best friends had atrial fibrillation that could only be controlled by a pacemaker, and my son-in-law had a heart attack. My father's condition convinced me that I could take preventative measures to prevent the same in me. My friend has rolled over and considers herself an invalid. My brother has stopped smoking and drinking, but doesn't diet or exercise. My son-in-law is taking somewhat better care of himself, and is getting his BP and Type II diabetes under control.

    All I can do is watch what I eat and exercise. Nothing I can do, or could do, will change them.
  • annettemoe
    annettemoe Posts: 11 Member
    My husband also had a major heart attack about 8 months ago. It is so tough to see our loved ones changing before our eyes. There are a number of things that you brought up...the depression is very real with men and heart attacks and often one of the side effects that is most difficult to deal with. Getting help for that (support group, calling him out on it, getting him to exercise) may be be the first step you need to take. Another step is buying the heart healthy substitutes. Earth Balance butter substitute is fantastic, Mrs. Dash for salt, using lots of herbs...all are ways to keep the flavor in the food. Join a blog on heart healthy meals and learn to prepare dishes differently, turkey bacon instead of the real stuff...all these little steps help make a doable lifestyle change! Lastly, tell him you need him to keep you motivated...find ways to move, together...join a gym and hold each other accountable for at least two days a week, Pokemon Go is great for getting people walking, do the 30 day AB challenge together...Keep challenging him to stay motivated for both of you. His choices are for both of you, as are yours. Keep talking to him! Good luck and know you are not alone!
  • KrystinaMTL
    KrystinaMTL Posts: 1,338 Member
    I cannot help you in your request as I am not one in any of the above mentioned situations. BUT, I am here to thank you for chosing yourself in asking for help. I know I am not alone in my struggles and neither are you I am sure. You will find the support your need because you choose to react. Good for you ! :smiley:
  • 780ck
    780ck Posts: 40 Member
    Sounds like a tough time. I'm trying without my hubby on board. Feel free to add me for support
  • Susan_Rae_1
    Susan_Rae_1 Posts: 154 Member
    GetFitKTB wrote: »
    Ten months ago I suffered a "widow maker' heart attack. Doctor told me if I was even ten minutes later to the hospital I probably would have died. Like your husband, I was a bad eater, very much overweight, had high blood pressure and smoked a lot - 2 packs a day. After the heart attack, I quit smoking, started exercising (first through cardiac rehab, now on my own), and learned to eat right - that's why I joined My Fitness Pal, to help me keep track of calories. I've lost 35 pounds so far, and replaced a lot of that fat with muscle. At 53 years old, I feel better than I did when I was 25 years old! And I did all on my own, with little emotional support or "nagging" as I am single, and my family lives out of state. Friends weren't much help because it's hard for them to understand, and oftentimes they pull away because it's a scary subject to them.

    I mention this because in the case of your husband and you, there's only so much you can do. You can't carry the burden by yourself. You say he's quit smoking, and that's great, but as I have learned, there is so much more to getting better.

    After the heart attack, depression is natural. I was depressed. Some insurance programs offer free services to victims of heart attacks, including counselling for depression, because they're starting to come around and realize that keeping people healthy is better than waiting until they get sick. I took advantage of such a program. And the American Heart Association offers a boatload of info for caregivers heart.org/HEARTORG/Caregiver/Resources/ResourcesIntroduction/Caregiver-Resources-Introduction_UCM_301850_Article.jsp#.V9XEWJgrKM8, and I'm not sure, but either they or even a local chapter may be able to help you find counseling for you and your husband. It's worth a try.

    The tiredness you mention is probably related to depression.

    But although there's only so much you can do, you can tell your husband that I know where he's coming from, and I understand the fear, and how paralyzing it can be, but the heart is resilient, and like any other muscle, you use it or lose it, so that means get active! Now I'm sure he's heard that before, but from one survivor to another, I can testify not only how important it is, but that it's not as dreadful (exercising) as it seems! I went from someone who never exercised to someone who goes to the gym 5 days a week, and spends an hour doing cardio and an hour of strength training, and I actually enjoy it. Of course everyone's different, but at first I thought it's going to be hell getting my behind to the gym just 30 minutes a month....and look at me now!

    And you don't have to go to the gym. Whatever activity it is you enjoy that gets your heart pumping is what counts. Just walking counts a lot, and that's something you and your husband can do together, and it's free.

    Does your insurance cover cardiac rehab? Most do, but I've learned that many cardiac doctors, for some strange reason, fail to bring it up to their patients. Mine didn't mention it - I had to ask him about it, and after I did, he wrote a prescription for it, and my insurance paid 90% of the charges for a 3 month session - it's a great way to get one into the habit of exercising.

    Well, I hope I've offered some advice that you'll find useful, and the best of luck to you and your husband!


    That is truly inspirational! How overwhelming it must be to be so gravely ill and truly the only one who can save you at that point is you. Good luck to OP, her husband and GetFitKTB in your continued quest for the best possible health. GetFib you just inspired me to not give in and eat pizza for dinner.
  • malioumba
    malioumba Posts: 132 Member
    edited September 2016
    "Is there anybody out there that has a husband, boyfriend, partner who doesn't want to get healthy while you do?"

    Aww, I have a dad who refuses to get better. He is denial with how much food he consumes. Diabetic, overweight, has heart problems and I know he's not going to make it for very long, and he hasn't even gotten to retire yet.

    "I am exhausted and scared all the time"

    I know exactly what you mean.
    Every day in the back of my mind, I think "this will be the day I lose him". for about the last 7 years.
    Makes me so stressed and depressed internally to the point where I've cried nights because I absolutely need him, but he refuses/denies that he needs to change.

    I wish I could tell you how to help him, but all I could ever manage to do was throw out his (junk) foods when he's not around, or remove food of his plate (he gets annoyed obviously). Is there anything that your husband is willing to do? Some people have mentioned cardic rehab, or maybe the two of you could do something very light - taking him out for a walk, would he be opposed to those sort of things? If you cook most of his meals, you can try to make them healthier, and of course commend him on quitting smoking :smile:

    And you're not horrible for thinking you're feeling young while he's aging :) Just keep loving him dearly.

  • rileysowner
    rileysowner Posts: 8,331 Member
    rodeothedog wrote: »
    He is alive and well......not really well but alive. A quick 411. Was over weight, family history, poor eater, high blood pressure and big time smoker...hence window maker heart attack. He survived and quit smoking.

    Now what I need.

    Is there anybody out there that has a husband, boyfriend, partner who doesn't want to get healthy while you do?

    Is there anybody out there that is with someone who has a chronic disease or is sick?

    Is there anyone out there that is married to someone much older than you? ( hubby is 9 years older)

    I feel the last 9 months have been about his health. His heart attack has caused so many other medical issues such as depression, tired, decreased closeness etc I feel consumed with worry over his health that mine takes a back burner. I am exhausted and scared all the time. I am proud he doesn't smoke but dieting is super hard. Also I feel extremely guilty that I think he is getting , "old" and I still feel young and active. ( I feel like a horrible person just typing that)

    I just need support from people that are trying to better themselves while going through some life issues.



    I don't have any of those, although I had a stroke and have friends who have had heart attacks. Recovery takes a long long time. Even if the heart is in pretty good condition following the heart attack, the shear amount of energy a major health event like that takes out of a person is amazing. My stroke was quite small, yet I was exhausted for months after. It seemed the whole year after was all about recovery, and looking back six years now, I realize that while the most obvious things were recovered from in the first year to two years, there are lots of things that took longer. At the same time, I want to say that almost everyone I know who has had a heart attack has recovered to the point where they are far more active than they were before the heart attack. There are a few exceptions to that, but they had other issues that complicated things, or in one case, they didn't do what was needed to get healthy and stronger. It is a long row to hoe. It takes time, and recovery is not linear. There will be days where it seems that his recovery has taken a big step backwards, other times it will seem to progress really quickly. It is like riding a roller coaster physically and emotionally. Thankfully, he has survived, and now has a chance to try to get healthy. Undoing years of habits is going to be difficult, but it can be done. I would suggest that if he find a person who has gone through something similar who has recovered well, he might find that their support and encouragement might be helpful.

    As for it seeming he is getting "old" and you feeling young and active, I encourage you to realize how much a heart attack takes out of a person. I have not had one, but major things like that take energy far beyond what you might expect. Think of the sickest you have been, and likely you are getting close. That sort of drain on the body, especially when it involves one's heart, takes a very long time to come back from, but usually it can be.
  • ladydragon1951
    ladydragon1951 Posts: 8 Member
    I have a husband who is 10 years older than I am but I was the one that almost died with cancer. Spent 25 days in the hospital this past December got 16 blood transfusions and chemo during that time. It took me almost 6 months just to be able to walk or get up from a chair on my own. Never again for chemo going all natural now and it is working. Thank you Jesus!
    You are his rock like my husband was/is for me. Remember you can't help him if you get sick so take care of YOU first. Good luck I hope everything works out for you both.
  • brileylmt
    brileylmt Posts: 199 Member
    I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers. I delt with the depression, low self esteem and overweight with my ex for 20 years. I took its toll on his life. When we met he weighed 180 and is 5' 10". At the time of our divorce is was 380#. I saw him about 2 months ago and I would guess him to be atleast 500#. He has a hard time walking, I can hear him panting from just walking across a room. When we were together and he would try to loose weight, I would be supportive, eat the same things he did, never ate unhealthy things I front of him. He never would stick with it. As I said this was 20 years of his yo yo dieting. It is hard to loose weight and keep it off without working on the habits/choices/emotions causing it. His anger and frustration. Keep up with your health and creating your habits. He will have to make the decision to follow you. My second hubby rarely ate veggies before we met. I cook the nightly and just serve them. He now loves brussel sprouts, asparagus, and several other veggies. I cooked things the way I wanted them, a healthy way, and if he didn't want to eat them, then he would fix his own food. He says he has found a new love of veggies.
  • cnbbnc
    cnbbnc Posts: 1,267 Member
    Different situations but still stressful nonetheless. I'm a single parent, so between juggling work, raising my son, and handling my fathers affairs (he has Alzheimer's...I'm his guardian), it's been easy to let myself go. I finally decided I had to get my health in gear, so I started here a year ago and have lost 45lbs.

    I do have a boyfriend. He works crazy hours and has really let himself go health wise. He eats out all the time, sits behind a desk and gets no physical activity at all. He's gained a lot of weight and is starting to have some health issues. But...I think I'm kind of leading by example because he's starting to try to do better. That might be the case for you too...you never know. Do what you have to for you, and either hubby will decide to follow along or he won't. Hopefully he'll surprise you. :smile:
  • seekingdaintiness
    seekingdaintiness Posts: 137 Member
    rodeothedog wrote: »
    He is alive and well......not really well but alive. A quick 411. Was over weight, family history, poor eater, high blood pressure and big time smoker...hence window maker heart attack. He survived and quit smoking.

    Now what I need.

    Is there anybody out there that has a husband, boyfriend, partner who doesn't want to get healthy while you do?

    Is there anybody out there that is with someone who has a chronic disease or is sick?

    Is there anyone out there that is married to someone much older than you? ( hubby is 9 years older)

    I feel the last 9 months have been about his health. His heart attack has caused so many other medical issues such as depression, tired, decreased closeness etc I feel consumed with worry over his health that mine takes a back burner. I am exhausted and scared all the time. I am proud he doesn't smoke but dieting is super hard. Also I feel extremely guilty that I think he is getting , "old" and I still feel young and active. ( I feel like a horrible person just typing that)

    I just need support from people that are trying to better themselves while going through some life issues.



    He quit smoking, which is the absolute best thing he can do for his health. There is actually not any good evidence that weight loss reduces the chance of heart attacks or longevity as per the most recent research. Maybe you should be more supportive of his very good efforts to improve his health by quitting smoking instead of coming here and backstabbing him.
  • PlantBasedRnr
    PlantBasedRnr Posts: 129 Member
    edited September 2016
    I will make this short and sweet and not go into some detailed description of how to FIX him because it isn't going to work ( sorry but this is the cold hard truth ). I was in the same boat - I had a health scare and that is what caused me to change, not because someone told me to, not because I didn't care because I did... People I loved were on me CONSTANTLY telling me how I had to change and that is the WORST thing you can do. Your husband won't change until HE is ready so STOP pushing!!! Back off, accept him, love him, as a matter of fact sit him down and have an honest and open discussion with him and let him know that you are scared, that you love him and that you are terrified by the path that he has chosen but let him know it is HIS path and HIS decision and that you fully accept him for who he is... and leave it at that, walk away. BUT... bring healthy food into the house, bake smaller portions, eat a " clean " diet - don't enable him by buying chips and dips and junk, make HIM do it... and at the same time LOVE HIM FOR WHO HE IS. Trust me, I have been there and the one thing that would have caused me to make the change sooner is if everyone had stopped telling me what I was doing to myself and just loved me for me. I HATE that he has had a heart attack, I feel for him and you as well, I really do but the only thing that is going to change him is something inside him one day - hopefully it will be this. I pray for you and your husband and hope that you can take this in the positive light that I mean it because I certainly know that it sounds hateful and uncaring.

    One other thing... start taking walks at night... short ones... to the end of the street and back... ask him to join you, if he doesn't fine, if he does GREAT... sooner or later he will start... then you can walk a little further... then further... then further... This is what happened to me and now I am running half marathons and eating plants... if you told me a year and a half ago that I would be where I am today I would have told you that you were out of your DA*N mind... it isn't easy but it is worth it.

    Much Love.

  • gobonas99
    gobonas99 Posts: 1,049 Member
    edited September 2016
    rodeothedog wrote: »
    Is there anybody out there that has a husband, boyfriend, partner who doesn't want to get healthy while you do?
    I do triathlon, and my hubby absolutely hates the time I spend training (I'm not doing anything excessive, I'm talking 30-60 minutes a day...maybe a 90 minute ride or brick on saturday or sunday), and is very unsupportive of races I do. Meanwhile, he eats crap (to the point that I will frequently buy crap that he likes at the grocery store, so that he can make his own dinner, because he normally turns his nose up at anything even remotely healthy), and doesn't do anything active at all.
    Is there anybody out there that is with someone who has a chronic disease or is sick?
    Hubby is a disabled vet with chronic severe back pain from a combat injury. It is a downward spiral, if he does too much activity, his back hurts more, which means he does less activity, which means his back hurts worse with progressively less activity. He himself has admitted that if he can get through the first week or so of pain, his back actually feels better doing more activity, because it is strengthening his core, which better supports his back. But getting him to actually stick with something active is next to impossible.
    Is there anyone out there that is married to someone much older than you? ( hubby is 9 years older)
    Hubby is 7 years older than me



  • bufflo
    bufflo Posts: 17 Member
    There is a great book by Dr. Caldwell Esselstyn named "Prevent & Reverse Heart Disease" about steps that can be taken to reverse heart disease through diet. I've attended Dr. Esselstyn's lecture and you and your husband can watch his presentation on Youtube. Just search for Caldwell Esselstyn. It would be time well spent.
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