My husband had a major heart attack!

rodeothedog · September 2016

He is alive and well......not really well but alive. A quick 411. Was over weight, family history, poor eater, high blood pressure and big time smoker...hence window maker heart attack. He survived and quit smoking.

Now what I need.

Is there anybody out there that has a husband, boyfriend, partner who doesn't want to get healthy while you do?

Is there anybody out there that is with someone who has a chronic disease or is sick?

Is there anyone out there that is married to someone much older than you? ( hubby is 9 years older)

I feel the last 9 months have been about his health. His heart attack has caused so many other medical issues such as depression, tired, decreased closeness etc I feel consumed with worry over his health that mine takes a back burner. I am exhausted and scared all the time. I am proud he doesn't smoke but dieting is super hard. Also I feel extremely guilty that I think he is getting , "old" and I still feel young and active. ( I feel like a horrible person just typing that)

I just need support from people that are trying to better themselves while going through some life issues.

Karen_can_do_this · September 2016

Sending hugs hunni

tomorrowistoday0000 · September 2016

If you visit online resources like the the American Heart Association, one of their education piece is specifically on the caregiver. It's super important that you take care of yourself too because you are the rock now. I encourage you to attend a support group, they're not just for the survivor. If you don't have a local one, the AHA has one on their website. Don't be so hard on yourself, you've done an amazing job. Now you need to start thinking about yourself as well. Best of luck!

jshay295 · September 2016

I too encourage you too join a support group. I know most men don't like joining them, but perhaps your husband would benefit for joining a support group for heart attack survivors-it might give him solidarity as well as motivation to continue to getting healthy.

I'd praise him for his quitting smoking, acknowledging how hard of a habit it is to break. I firmly believe that positive reinforcement achieves more than negative will. Praise twice,scold once I think I've heard said before.

As for his eating, is he up and shopping, or do you do it? If you do the shopping...just gradually cut back on the less than healthy options, and swap them for alternatives. If you go shopping together, acknowledge when he puts healthy things in the cart.

Did his specialist recommend a heart friendly diet/give you a list of instructions?

Also, you ARE younger than him. Just a fact-dobt let yourself feel guilty about something you can't change.

I hope things work out for you and your hubby.
All the best

Chilli7777 · September 2016

You can only lead by example and will never get him to go on a journey he isn't ready for. Take care of YOU and start by cooking heart healthy meals for you and your hubby and dont buy any rubbish food. If he wants it he will have to buy it himself (and you can't really stop a grown man). Hopefully he will feel motivated by watching you, and then want to join you. Good luck!

sandrachis · September 2016

Don't nag just go on with your own plan. Remember the airplane analogy, put your own face mask on first. You don't want to end up the same way years from now.

ronjsteele1 · September 2016

My husband is 10yrs older then me. He is naturally slender but has put on 20#'s this past 10yrs or so and could stand to lose it. I cook healthy and serve him and he buys crap and eats it. I don't eat what he buys and he doesn't offer it to me. Although I am noticing the age difference (he needs hearing aids), in terms of my weight loss, I don't let his health affect me. We work on his blood pressure, etc. separate from anything I have going on.

BellaMnk · September 2016

I wish your husband a full recovery (\(n.n)/)

RodaRose · September 2016

Please remember that the best thing you can do for yourself and for your marriage is to do what is best for you.

Especially makes sure that you get enough sleep and downtime. Lots of hugs.

JeromeBarry1 · September 2016

He has to love himself before he can love you. I don't know if you're religious or not, but the Christian bible states plainly, "For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it"
After 2000 years, we've certainly got a lot of people who hate their own flesh enough to destroy it with food and poison. Can he be human enough to love himself? It's not too late for him to become healthier, but he has to want to.

mangrothian · September 2016

My husband is 13 years older than I. In the last four years starting with a knee injury, he's had 4 surgeries, and almost died a few months ago with what his specialists called 'the most advanced pulmonary embolism in a live person that they've ever seen'. For him, the original original injury caused a DVT in the leg (which eventually led to the PE), high cholesterol, high BP, weight gain, depression, arthritis, and CRPS (chronic regional pain syndrome) from nerve damage in his knee.

It's hard. Really hard. But if you work together and talk it get's better; and I don't necessarily mean with dieting. For the first 2 years, my health was on the backburner. I didn't take care of my weight and ignored my osteo-arthritis symptoms and it took all my energy in the day to work and take care of him.

When I started to take more care of my health and my weight and succeeded, my husband started following me down that path as well. Learn your good habits, and slowly let them rub off on him. Remember, it's useless to try and push a cart sideways; he wont change his habits until he's ready.

I hope your hubby is recovering well, and remember, there are many associations to help support you and your husband on his road to recovery. Don't be afraid to reach out to them for advice.

synchkat · September 2016

I agree with finding a support group.

My husband recently had a physical and found out his blood pressure isn't being controlled well with his meds and his glucose is up. All easily fixed with diet since he's majorly overweight but has no interest in getting healthy.

So I'm one who tries to be healthy and exercise while my husband has no interest and tells me I'm too vain for commenting on my progress.

My husband is only 4 years older, my ex husband was 8 years older and I saw him the other day and thought how am I getting younger and you are getting older but that's beside the point.

It's hard though when you want to be active and do active things but they're weight is preventing it. I will set off on a walk with hubs and he asks me to slow down, we'll do a hike or something and he'll be panting and I'm wondering when we will be getting started.

Today I'll sneak in exercise with a trip to the zoo so we can walk and try to hatch our Pokemon egg, well my son's egg hahah

anyway just wanted you to know you're not alone. But it has to be his decision to get fit. My husband is kind of coming around to that thinking...baby steps right

Nachise · September 2016

Please take care of yourself.

I grew up as the daughter of a heart patient, my older brother is a heart patient, one of my best friends had atrial fibrillation that could only be controlled by a pacemaker, and my son-in-law had a heart attack. My father's condition convinced me that I could take preventative measures to prevent the same in me. My friend has rolled over and considers herself an invalid. My brother has stopped smoking and drinking, but doesn't diet or exercise. My son-in-law is taking somewhat better care of himself, and is getting his BP and Type II diabetes under control.

All I can do is watch what I eat and exercise. Nothing I can do, or could do, will change them.

annettemoe · September 2016

My husband also had a major heart attack about 8 months ago. It is so tough to see our loved ones changing before our eyes. There are a number of things that you brought up...the depression is very real with men and heart attacks and often one of the side effects that is most difficult to deal with. Getting help for that (support group, calling him out on it, getting him to exercise) may be be the first step you need to take. Another step is buying the heart healthy substitutes. Earth Balance butter substitute is fantastic, Mrs. Dash for salt, using lots of herbs...all are ways to keep the flavor in the food. Join a blog on heart healthy meals and learn to prepare dishes differently, turkey bacon instead of the real stuff...all these little steps help make a doable lifestyle change! Lastly, tell him you need him to keep you motivated...find ways to move, together...join a gym and hold each other accountable for at least two days a week, Pokemon Go is great for getting people walking, do the 30 day AB challenge together...Keep challenging him to stay motivated for both of you. His choices are for both of you, as are yours. Keep talking to him! Good luck and know you are not alone!

socalkay · September 2016

I've been home for two weeks after two months in the hospital. Most of that time I was on a trach and ventilator. I have end stage COPD (was a smoker) and what would have been a bad cold for others turned into pneumonia and then respiratory arrest for me. Fortunately, I was already in the hospital when I arrested.

I've been dealing with end stage COPD for almost 5 years. I'm on supplemental oxygen 24/7. I originally went through much testing to get on the lung transplant list but, in the end, decided it just wouldn't be the life for me and took myself off the list. However, I was originally turned down for the list because my BMI was 30.2 and their cut-off point is 30. It ended up being the best thing that could have happened to me because that was the day I found myfitnesspal.com and started changing my eating habits.

I also bought a semi-recumbant bike and started riding. At first I could only do 5 minutes at a time. I was at 20 to 45 minutes, 5 days a week before this latest set-back. I eventually also played chair volleyball for 2 hours twice a week.

Here's what I can tell you - he has to want to make changes in his lifestyle. You can't do that for him. Bravo to him for quitting smoking - I know how very hard it it to do and a great first step.

You need to take responsibility for your own well-being, just as he is the steward of his own health. If he needs 24 hour supervision and is on medicare, look into home healthcare services so you can take time for yourself (otherwise, reach out to friends and relatives). Get the rest and recreation you need to maintain a positive state of mind. Consider a support group or counseling.

Maybe it's too blunt but it's something I've had to face in a very frank way over the last few years. We all die. Nobody gets out alive so enjoy each day you have and live it to the fullest. Sadly, it took a terminal illness to make me really appreciate life. I'm having a great time now and I hope you and others who suffer from depression can find a way to embrace life and find your bliss sooner in life than I did.

Best wishes to you and your husband.

KrystinaMTL · September 2016

I cannot help you in your request as I am not one in any of the above mentioned situations. BUT, I am here to thank you for chosing yourself in asking for help. I know I am not alone in my struggles and neither are you I am sure. You will find the support your need because you choose to react. Good for you !

MichelleP31 · September 2016

Hi rodeofthedog,

My mother had a heart attack in February. My mother smoked for many, many, many years (she started at 5. 5!!!!!). She had stopped about 10 years ago (but remained addicted to nicorette up until about 3 or 4 years ago). She's obese, diabetic, COPD, on oxygen, has heart disease (has had 20+ stents).

After her heart attack, a hospital counselor gave us literature on the healing process mentally. They stressed that most heart attack victims go through a mourning process and also depression. I'm thankful that they told me what to watch for and suggested that I call her doctor myself if I saw the signs and felt she needed some medication to help with depression. He might need some temporary help with medication to get past this mental hump. Consider calling the doctor!

As for her physical healing, I highly, highly, highly recommend cardiac rehab if you can convince him to. My mother has benefited TREMENDOUSLY from this. After she "graduated" from rehab, she has continued to go to rehab (paying out of pocket). Her breathing has improved. Her heart has improved. Her strength as improved. She has not lost weight - but her health is still improving!!!! Her health markers are improved - like her A1C (a blood test for diabetes), her breathing is better, her heart is getting stronger. She's getting more muscle.

In my mom's case, she felt hopeless. She felt like there was no improving her health. I just can't stress enough how important it was for her to hear FREQUENTLY that there IS hope! She CAN still improve her health. There is HOPE!

I hope your husband is feeling better soon and I hope you don't lose hope either.

780ck · September 2016

Sounds like a tough time. I'm trying without my hubby on board. Feel free to add me for support

GetFitKTB · September 2016

Ten months ago I suffered a "widow maker' heart attack. Doctor told me if I was even ten minutes later to the hospital I probably would have died. Like your husband, I was a bad eater, very much overweight, had high blood pressure and smoked a lot - 2 packs a day. After the heart attack, I quit smoking, started exercising (first through cardiac rehab, now on my own), and learned to eat right - that's why I joined My Fitness Pal, to help me keep track of calories. I've lost 35 pounds so far, and replaced a lot of that fat with muscle. At 53 years old, I feel better than I did when I was 25 years old! And I did all on my own, with little emotional support or "nagging" as I am single, and my family lives out of state. Friends weren't much help because it's hard for them to understand, and oftentimes they pull away because it's a scary subject to them.

I mention this because in the case of your husband and you, there's only so much you can do. You can't carry the burden by yourself. You say he's quit smoking, and that's great, but as I have learned, there is so much more to getting better.

After the heart attack, depression is natural. I was depressed. Some insurance programs offer free services to victims of heart attacks, including counselling for depression, because they're starting to come around and realize that keeping people healthy is better than waiting until they get sick. I took advantage of such a program. And the American Heart Association offers a boatload of info for caregivers heart.org/HEARTORG/Caregiver/Resources/ResourcesIntroduction/Caregiver-Resources-Introduction_UCM_301850_Article.jsp#.V9XEWJgrKM8, and I'm not sure, but either they or even a local chapter may be able to help you find counseling for you and your husband. It's worth a try.

The tiredness you mention is probably related to depression.

But although there's only so much you can do, you can tell your husband that I know where he's coming from, and I understand the fear, and how paralyzing it can be, but the heart is resilient, and like any other muscle, you use it or lose it, so that means get active! Now I'm sure he's heard that before, but from one survivor to another, I can testify not only how important it is, but that it's not as dreadful (exercising) as it seems! I went from someone who never exercised to someone who goes to the gym 5 days a week, and spends an hour doing cardio and an hour of strength training, and I actually enjoy it. Of course everyone's different, but at first I thought it's going to be hell getting my behind to the gym just 30 minutes a month....and look at me now!

And you don't have to go to the gym. Whatever activity it is you enjoy that gets your heart pumping is what counts. Just walking counts a lot, and that's something you and your husband can do together, and it's free.

Does your insurance cover cardiac rehab? Most do, but I've learned that many cardiac doctors, for some strange reason, fail to bring it up to their patients. Mine didn't mention it - I had to ask him about it, and after I did, he wrote a prescription for it, and my insurance paid 90% of the charges for a 3 month session - it's a great way to get one into the habit of exercising.

Well, I hope I've offered some advice that you'll find useful, and the best of luck to you and your husband!

Sharon_C · September 2016

I have been (and to some extent still am) a caregiver to my husband. Not because of a heart attack. His was a traumatic brain injury. I can't relate to the getting healthy aspect, but I can relate to being a caregiver. It's exhausting, frightening and lonely. Very lonely. People say they want to help. Some do and some don't. Take advantage of those who do. But in the end it rests on your shoulders and the burden is sometimes overwhelming. A year after my husband's accident I finally had time to breathe a little and saw how much his injury affected my health (I was FAT!

). That's when I joined MyFitnessPal. In some ways it was a life saver to me because it allowed me to focus on ME. Not my husband, not my kids, not the doctors and therapists and nurses but ME.

Like others have said, you can't force your husband to change. You can lead by example and you can take care of yourself.

Please don't forget to take care of your mental health as well.

Hugs to you and know that there is someone out there who knows the fear and anxiety that you are living.

Susan_Rae_1 · September 2016

GetFitKTB wrote: »

Ten months ago I suffered a "widow maker' heart attack. Doctor told me if I was even ten minutes later to the hospital I probably would have died. Like your husband, I was a bad eater, very much overweight, had high blood pressure and smoked a lot - 2 packs a day. After the heart attack, I quit smoking, started exercising (first through cardiac rehab, now on my own), and learned to eat right - that's why I joined My Fitness Pal, to help me keep track of calories. I've lost 35 pounds so far, and replaced a lot of that fat with muscle. At 53 years old, I feel better than I did when I was 25 years old! And I did all on my own, with little emotional support or "nagging" as I am single, and my family lives out of state. Friends weren't much help because it's hard for them to understand, and oftentimes they pull away because it's a scary subject to them.

I mention this because in the case of your husband and you, there's only so much you can do. You can't carry the burden by yourself. You say he's quit smoking, and that's great, but as I have learned, there is so much more to getting better.

After the heart attack, depression is natural. I was depressed. Some insurance programs offer free services to victims of heart attacks, including counselling for depression, because they're starting to come around and realize that keeping people healthy is better than waiting until they get sick. I took advantage of such a program. And the American Heart Association offers a boatload of info for caregivers heart.org/HEARTORG/Caregiver/Resources/ResourcesIntroduction/Caregiver-Resources-Introduction_UCM_301850_Article.jsp#.V9XEWJgrKM8, and I'm not sure, but either they or even a local chapter may be able to help you find counseling for you and your husband. It's worth a try.

The tiredness you mention is probably related to depression.

But although there's only so much you can do, you can tell your husband that I know where he's coming from, and I understand the fear, and how paralyzing it can be, but the heart is resilient, and like any other muscle, you use it or lose it, so that means get active! Now I'm sure he's heard that before, but from one survivor to another, I can testify not only how important it is, but that it's not as dreadful (exercising) as it seems! I went from someone who never exercised to someone who goes to the gym 5 days a week, and spends an hour doing cardio and an hour of strength training, and I actually enjoy it. Of course everyone's different, but at first I thought it's going to be hell getting my behind to the gym just 30 minutes a month....and look at me now!

And you don't have to go to the gym. Whatever activity it is you enjoy that gets your heart pumping is what counts. Just walking counts a lot, and that's something you and your husband can do together, and it's free.

Does your insurance cover cardiac rehab? Most do, but I've learned that many cardiac doctors, for some strange reason, fail to bring it up to their patients. Mine didn't mention it - I had to ask him about it, and after I did, he wrote a prescription for it, and my insurance paid 90% of the charges for a 3 month session - it's a great way to get one into the habit of exercising.

Well, I hope I've offered some advice that you'll find useful, and the best of luck to you and your husband!

That is truly inspirational! How overwhelming it must be to be so gravely ill and truly the only one who can save you at that point is you. Good luck to OP, her husband and GetFitKTB in your continued quest for the best possible health. GetFib you just inspired me to not give in and eat pizza for dinner.

My husband had a major heart attack!

Replies

Categories