My husband had a major heart attack!
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My husband is quite a bit older than me too. (15 years to be exact). But I am lucky because he sure seems young and active to me. He works out with me lifting weights, counting macros etc. but I have definitely thought about the fact that he will get "older" much quicker than me. (Still worth it since he's so amazing). My husband smoked for a bit when I met him but quit shortly after meeting him. (I'm not sure I could be in a serious relationship with a smoker). I hope your husband gets on board with you both being healthier together. Sorry! Wish I had advice.0
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I want you to understand there is NOTHING you can do if he does not want to take charge of his own health. Take care of your own, make sure he knows he is loved and you'd like him to stick around another gazillion years. Then let him be. Love him, support him, but let him be. You can NOT make him heal and live a healthy life by worrying him into it. He survived his heart attack, and has many choices to make now on living a healthier life- and continuing to live, period. It must be very overwhelming for you both to adjust to this. Hopefully he is GLAD he survived. Counseling and cardiac rehab will help.
You can not help him if you are not in shape to do so. Take care of YOURSELF. Keep your health intact, and continue your exercise and diet path. Do NOT back-burner yourself. It will NOT make a bit of difference. Maybe if you give him the space to make sense of all that has happened, he will find his way and take care of himself.
I do not say these things lightly. I am a widow of a man who was persistently, stubbornly obese and had every risk factor there is, and did not survive his heart attack. After too many years of sharing bad habits, even a failed attempt of mine to lose and keep weight off, I decided to join a food-logging site not unlike this one, lose weight, and get healthier, his attitude be damned. I did my own thing, and didn't drag him into it, or bug him to change, or anything. I let him be. After about 3 months, he decided he wanted to try, so he joined, and we both dove into the effort. He learned reading labels, was BETTER about portion size, etc. He was making the effort. We had fun logging our foods together, comparing notes, etc. I felt hopeful for the first time that we might grow old together. Then, one day, boom. Chest pain, 911, and I'm a widow. He never made it to the hospital alive. I wont go into all of that....but just want to point out to you that I knew, even then, there was nothing different I could have done. Nothing. We can love our partners with all we have, but we can NOT force them to change-even when that change can be the difference between our being their wife or their widow. I feel deeply for your angst, and wish I could help you both.
Take care of you, honey. Be an example. Step back, and let him be.
If you'd like to chat, I'm here, send a friend request. Best of luck to you.7 -
My husband is 16 years older than I, had a heart attack that was at first described by the doctors as "the widow maker" and then oops, just 95% blockage on the top right artery in his heart. Set a stent and now he feels wonderful. Scary thing is that it didn't change any of the things he was doing. Still smokes 2 packs a day, has GAINED weight, and continues to live the lifestyle he did before. But I have changed. I made some major life changes because of his heart attack. I know someone will have to walk my daughters down the aisle at their weddings, and raise our 11 year old, and most likely do these things alone as he isn't going to make any better choices. So I quit smoking, and started working out just over a year ago. My priorities have completely shifted now. I still nag him about his health, but knowing that I can be the difference in my families life helps me stay motivated. Taking care of our spouses is important, but who will take care of them if we fail to take care of ourselves. Kudos to your husband for taking it as a wake up call. You're lucky that he did. Now it's time to work on bettering yourself as well. Please add me as your friend if you are looking for support.2
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There is a great book by Dr. Caldwell Esselstyn named "Prevent & Reverse Heart Disease" about steps that can be taken to reverse heart disease through diet. I've attended Dr. Esselstyn's lecture and you and your husband can watch his presentation on Youtube. Just search for Caldwell Esselstyn. It would be time well spent.
THIS - what Bufflo wrote. I am reading that right now and I also switched to the John McDougall Plan - Starch based whole food diet. No processed foods. McDougall is a good friend of Esselstyn's.
I also want to say that I am very sorry for you and your husband. I am praying for a speedy recovery for him and healing. I would not know what to do if this happened to my husband. He has a melanoma removed and I was so terrified while waiting for the results.
My husband has been fighting me tooth and nail on my diet change for the past 3 months when I told him that I will not be purchasing meat, dairy or oils. I gave away all my olive oil and cheeses. I do not tell him what to do, I just show him by setting an example. Plus if he wants me to do all the cook which I do, he has to eat what I cook. I also do all the grocery shopping so guess what? He eats what I buy. I don't stop him from going out for pizza, hamburgers etc. which he does once a week but when he is at home, he eats my food and cooking.
All the best to you and your husband.0 -
I'm sorry you're going through this but you cannot "make" anyone want to better themselves, they have to come to that decision on their own. If you focus on yourself and only make healthy food he may come around and eat what you're eating and slowly start adapting better habits. If the junk food is harder for him to get to he'll be less likely to have it. Keep fruit or whatever healthy snacks that are good for him in easy reach. Encourage him, give him a choice (do you wanna go for a walk with me? I'm having spaghetti squash, do you want some?) and then leave well enough alone if he says no.
Take care of yourself first before you try taking care of others, otherwise you're health is next to go and then there will be no one to pick both of you up.0 -
seekingdaintiness wrote: »rodeothedog wrote: »He is alive and well......not really well but alive. A quick 411. Was over weight, family history, poor eater, high blood pressure and big time smoker...hence window maker heart attack. He survived and quit smoking.
Now what I need.
Is there anybody out there that has a husband, boyfriend, partner who doesn't want to get healthy while you do?
Is there anybody out there that is with someone who has a chronic disease or is sick?
Is there anyone out there that is married to someone much older than you? ( hubby is 9 years older)
I feel the last 9 months have been about his health. His heart attack has caused so many other medical issues such as depression, tired, decreased closeness etc I feel consumed with worry over his health that mine takes a back burner. I am exhausted and scared all the time. I am proud he doesn't smoke but dieting is super hard. Also I feel extremely guilty that I think he is getting , "old" and I still feel young and active. ( I feel like a horrible person just typing that)
I just need support from people that are trying to better themselves while going through some life issues.
He quit smoking, which is the absolute best thing he can do for his health. There is actually not any good evidence that weight loss reduces the chance of heart attacks or longevity as per the most recent research. Maybe you should be more supportive of his very good efforts to improve his health by quitting smoking instead of coming here and backstabbing him.
Boy you really know how to make a wound bleed, don't you?4 -
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That is truly inspirational! How overwhelming it must be to be so gravely ill and truly the only one who can save you at that point is you. Good luck to OP, her husband and GetFitKTB in your continued quest for the best possible health. GetFib you just inspired me to not give in and eat pizza for dinner.
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Thank you Susan Rae, I appreciate that! In the end, it's all up to us to go to the gym or skip that pizza for dinner, and for me, it took a heart attack to wake me up, and wake me up it did. Still, I understand everyone is different and need more of a helping hand, and I hope they are able to find it!
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It could happen to my husband... Obese, doesn't care about his healthy, 15 year older... I'm so sorry!0
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So it may sound harsh, but unless he's WILLING to make changes himself you may have to make sure all your paperwork for death benefits is in order. I've been with a couple of clients already (in VA where obesity is high) where a spouse passed away due to health issues from being overweight, smoker, etc. and they were relatively young (under 60). One of my clients actually sat her husband down and had him sign all paperwork (living trust, etc.) make sure insurance up to date after a minor stroke. He did it all, but at that time he also realized what type of position his family would be in if he passed. He eventually lost 80lbs and still today we keep in touch on FB.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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seekingdaintiness wrote: »rodeothedog wrote: »He is alive and well......not really well but alive. A quick 411. Was over weight, family history, poor eater, high blood pressure and big time smoker...hence window maker heart attack. He survived and quit smoking.
Now what I need.
Is there anybody out there that has a husband, boyfriend, partner who doesn't want to get healthy while you do?
Is there anybody out there that is with someone who has a chronic disease or is sick?
Is there anyone out there that is married to someone much older than you? ( hubby is 9 years older)
I feel the last 9 months have been about his health. His heart attack has caused so many other medical issues such as depression, tired, decreased closeness etc I feel consumed with worry over his health that mine takes a back burner. I am exhausted and scared all the time. I am proud he doesn't smoke but dieting is super hard. Also I feel extremely guilty that I think he is getting , "old" and I still feel young and active. ( I feel like a horrible person just typing that)
I just need support from people that are trying to better themselves while going through some life issues.
He quit smoking, which is the absolute best thing he can do for his health. There is actually not any good evidence that weight loss reduces the chance of heart attacks or longevity as per the most recent research. Maybe you should be more supportive of his very good efforts to improve his health by quitting smoking instead of coming here and backstabbing him.
Backstabbing? I see the post of a person who is trying to keep her husband with her as long as possible as well as taking care of herself and is asking for advice and support.
Those weigh loss studies are about people who are in the overweight BMI category, not people that are putting on weight or in obese territory (although OP doesn't mention weight loss, just getting healthy, so we don't know the situation).3 -
There is actually not any good evidence that weight loss reduces the chance of heart attacks or longevity as per the most recent research.
This is why one should never ever, under any circumstance what-so-ever, take medical advice from a person on a message board.3 -
I haven't read this post in awhile and I don't take people's opinions personally, if you think I am back stabbing my husband that is perfectly fine.
I do nothing without research so I know that being within a healthy weight in beneficiAl in many aspects of your life. As a Hospice nurse I see people of all ages regret not taking care of there health.
In my previous post I congratulated my husband in his success and was thankful he was here.
I was only being honest with how I felt and my struggles. My husband knows exactly how feel and he knows himself that losing weight will help him stay with his family longer. A heart attack affects every part of your life so please bear in mind we are all human and can be more understanding.4 -
My husband has multiple chronic condition suffered a major heart attack at age 59 had triple bypass 4 years ago, is 5 years older and he is now 74rodeothedog wrote: »He is alive and well......not really well but alive. A quick 411. Was over weight, family history, poor eater, high blood pressure and big time smoker...hence window maker heart attack. He survived and quit smoking.
Now what I need.
Is there anybody out there that has a husband, boyfriend, partner who doesn't want to get healthy while you do?
Is there anybody out there that is with someone who has a chronic disease or is sick?
Is there anyone out there that is married to someone much older than you? ( hubby is 9 years older)
I feel the last 9 months have been about his health. His heart attack has caused so many other medical issues such as depression, tired, decreased closeness etc I feel consumed with worry over his health that mine takes a back burner. I am exhausted and scared all the time. I am proud he doesn't smoke but dieting is super hard. Also I feel extremely guilty that I think he is getting , "old" and I still feel young and active. ( I feel like a horrible person just typing that)
I just need support from people that are trying to better themselves while going through some life issues.
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The other half, who was 23 years older than I was, had a very bad heart. It was a war to get him to stop smoking. Finally when a doctor who he respected told him that if he was going to smoke, he might as well eat what he wanted because the smoking was undoing everything, he stopped. Thew every cigarette out of the house and said I'm done. He never looked back.
Diet, I couldn't ask him to do it and me keep on eating the way I had. So I joined him. At this point, our last ditch effort was Dean Ornish's Heart Disease Reversal. I credit that diet and the excellent doctors we had at the teaching hospital I chose for the extra 12 years I had it. When we had his cholesterol checked, it read the same as the traditional Chinese diet. His heart was very damaged from years of abuse. The diet also made his blood much thinner. There were complications with using traditional medications; he couldn't use traditional blood thinners because of a vein formation in his brain that would bleed if they were given. However the diet adjustment did the same job with an aspirin thrown in every day. Me? I was cooking one day and the shorts fell off me. I didn't even realize I was losing weight. And eat? Oh did we eat. He said one day "I think I'm sick of eating." I said "My cooking?" Answer: "No, it's just we always seem to be eating."
We found an exercise he loved, swimming and three days a week off we would go. Me to the weight room, him to the pool and aquatics exercise class. He built up supportive friendships in that class and we would do their lunches with them.
The one thing I can tell you is that until he was ready, nothing could change his path. I do think the fact that I said I am in this with you helped. How could I ask him to do what I wouldn't? It also helped the day after he agreed, I cleaned out all the food in the house that he couldn't have and either tossed it or donated it to the pantry. And I learned how to cook differently. I'm a good cook but this was a challenge and I found I had to learn new methods of cooking and understand what ingredients do to sub for them. For example fat carries flavor and the texture is what we crave. I upped the seasoning [not a little, a LOT] and found what I could use for the texture. I also didn't use any of our favorite recipes. Why? Because they wouldn't taste right and we would miss them. I cooked dishes we never tried before. After the first year, if we took a taste of our favorites, they were too salty, too greasy, too heavy... all sort of reactions. None of them pleasurable. But it took that long to adjust.
We fought the good fight. We lost on Jan 1st 2012 at 3 a.m. but he died at home, looking forward to New Years Dinner and being excited about going swimming on the first day the Y was open after the holiday. And I still miss him. And I thank Dean Ornish for every moment we had.5 -
rodeothedog wrote: »I haven't read this post in awhile and I don't take people's opinions personally, if you think I am back stabbing my husband that is perfectly fine.
I do nothing without research so I know that being within a healthy weight in beneficiAl in many aspects of your life. As a Hospice nurse I see people of all ages regret not taking care of there health.
In my previous post I congratulated my husband in his success and was thankful he was here.
I was only being honest with how I felt and my struggles. My husband knows exactly how feel and he knows himself that losing weight will help him stay with his family longer. A heart attack affects every part of your life so please bear in mind we are all human and can be more understanding.
How's it going now, for you and your husband?
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I don't believe that bad food and over eating causes heart attacks. But it is true that people that have bad habits have other comorbities. There are so many factors.
Genetics, weight, age, sex, etc. I am 40 lost 35 pounds and they put me on water pill for elevated BP.
Update: my husband lost 11 pounds in 5 months and has gained it and more back by just sneaking food at night. Positives he is walking and doing so with his own decision making. He eats more salads. It is very hard for him. He went back to a job were he is on call all winter. He is going to counseling. So he is making steps towards being a healthier happier person.2
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