Help me not hate being in the gym!
DanerTee
Posts: 263 Member
To be clear- I don't dislike working out. I always feel amazing after a good workout and I love having an active lifestyle.
I'm struggling with being the fat chick in the weights section.
I am so intimidated by it, that I can only make myself set foot there with my trainer. Now, my trainer is a good friend and awesome in every way and makes me feel like I belong in the weights section, but at 240 lbs, I am almost ALWAYS the fattest one there.
I get looks from the bulky dudes and the fit ladies and I wish I could know what they are thinking. Are they thinking "What the hell is she doing here?!" or something nicer?
I KNOW I shouldn't care. I know I should just walk in there like I own the place.....but UGH. I can't seem to do it.
My trainer gives me programs that I am to do on my own and I am just dreading it every. single. time.
All the mirrors which make it impossible to avoid the sight of myself lifting weights doesn't help much with the old self esteem either. It ain't pretty.
I just can't seem to muster up any confidence at the gym. Any pointers from you fine people?
I'm struggling with being the fat chick in the weights section.
I am so intimidated by it, that I can only make myself set foot there with my trainer. Now, my trainer is a good friend and awesome in every way and makes me feel like I belong in the weights section, but at 240 lbs, I am almost ALWAYS the fattest one there.
I get looks from the bulky dudes and the fit ladies and I wish I could know what they are thinking. Are they thinking "What the hell is she doing here?!" or something nicer?
I KNOW I shouldn't care. I know I should just walk in there like I own the place.....but UGH. I can't seem to do it.
My trainer gives me programs that I am to do on my own and I am just dreading it every. single. time.
All the mirrors which make it impossible to avoid the sight of myself lifting weights doesn't help much with the old self esteem either. It ain't pretty.
I just can't seem to muster up any confidence at the gym. Any pointers from you fine people?
0
Replies
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Just try to keep in perspective everyone has a "starting point" and this is yours. Look at the mirrors not as a negative, but as a positive. When you see yourself not only can you correct your form on the spot..but you can give yourself a smile knowing that you're working towards a better you!
Focus on why you're there, and do your best to avoid wondering what others are thinking. You are there to better yourself, as are they.
Also, great job for taking this step and moving forward in your journey no matter how scary it may seem right now! Go in there knowing each workout you do...is a step forward towards your goal(s).4 -
I get looks from the bulky dudes and the fit ladies and I wish I could know what they are thinking. Are they thinking "What the hell is she doing here?!" or something nicer?
Most likely they are they are thinking - respect for taking steps to improve yourself.
Go to the gym to get fit/strong not because you are already fit/strong!14 -
New workout clothes have helped me get in there. But just going and going and going is really the best answer. It's going to feel normal in no time.2
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I've definitely had my time of being the fattest chick in the weights section, and I definitely had those days of feeling like, "I just can't do this today." It's can sometimes feel like a meat market or a prison yard in the weights section.
I started this journey of getting in shape with a personal trainer, and that definitely boosted my confidence to go in the weights section by myself because I knew what I was doing even if I didn't look the part. I can say now that I'm in better shape, when I see women in the weights section who are overweight/obese, I'm thinking, "Get it, girl!" 1 -
I frequent the weights section of my gym. These are my reasons for staring/looking at people:
- *kitten*! Those guys look like they are heading for the squat rack - Damn! I was planning on using that.
- WTF are they doing? Curling in the squat rack?
- Pfft - using 2 benches for rack pulls - the manager isn't going to like that!
- You gonna unrack those plates, buddy? nope, thought not.
- Good form!
- Terrible form! Should I say something? probably not - none of my business.
- That guy has been coming here for 2 years now and he's still lifting the same weights with the same crappy style and he still looks the same!
- Hahaha - bicep curls with more shoulders than a David Byrne suit!! King of the Swingers.
- Could I pull off that long socks and Chuck Taylors look? What am I thinking, I'm a 48 year old bloke!! NO!!
What I am not thinking:- He/She/They don't deserve to be in here.
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I get looks from the bulky dudes and the fit ladies and I wish I could know what they are thinking. Are they thinking "What the hell is she doing here?!" or something nicer?
Who knows? They could be thinking nice stuff like "respect to her!" or mean stuff like "eww, could you not" there's no way we can possible know. Some people are nice, some people are dicks, I for one, am glad i can't read anyone's mind.
In my opinion, you've got to let this stuff go. You are projecting your own insecurities and unhappiness onto other random people in the gym. We can't possible know if others are judging you, and even if they are, so what?
I would look at it this way. "I am a person. I am going to workout at the gym. I pay my membership just like everyone else. My trainer is counting on me to complete this workout. I am counting on me to complete this workout. I am taking the necessary steps every day to change my situation. Even though I am currently unhappy with my body/looks/have low self esteem, doesn't mean i'm not worthy. My future happiness matters more to me than anyone else's opinions AND my current self esteem." etc. etc. etc.
It's hard when you're a major self-hater. You've got to decide you're worth it and that you'll do whatever it takes until you finally believe it.3 -
I hate gyms! For the cost of a few months membership you can buy yourself a half decent home set up2
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As a long time gym member of many franchises, I can almost emphatically tell you that the majority of people in the weight room don't care. If they're looking in the mirror, it's at themselves and if they're working out, they are either into their music or just banging out reps to get it done.
Fear can keep you from achieving who you want to be and many times those fears are unfounded and are just an deterrence mentally. I can promise you if anyone said out loud to you that you didn't belong there, many members would get on that person's back telling them to back off or STFU.
Get in there. You'll look back later in life and see it's one of the proudest moments in your journey.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I hate gyms! For the cost of a few months membership you can buy yourself a half decent home set up
not everyone has a house or a location to set up a gym though.
As someone who lives in a capital city where all the buildings are hundreds of years old and renovated into "flats", my downstairs neighbor wouldn't like me very much if i set up a home gym. Oh, and as i have limited space, i don't think my furniture/tv would like me throwing weights around either. LOL
I get the sentiment, but it simply isn't practical for everyone. We're not all in suburbia with a spacious garage we can safely set a gym up in or a house with tons of space where we won't damage the property.2 -
I HATE the GYM. So I don't go. I do many other physical activities run, walk and DVD's. You Tube has a slew of free work out video's.1
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I was scared at first but I just kept going and going until I got familiar with the regular people and the set up. Now I go and we smile at each other, say hello, and sometimes even banter a bit.
They notice that you're putting the work in and they respect that. They aren't there to judge you by what you look like, what you're wearing (unless it's to compliment your cool tshirt), and they certainly don't care how much (or little) you are lifting.
It's like with anything...the more you do it, the more comfortable you become with it.4 -
rainbowbow wrote: »I hate gyms! For the cost of a few months membership you can buy yourself a half decent home set up
not everyone has a house or a location to set up a gym though.
As someone who lives in a capital city where all the buildings are hundreds of years old and renovated into "flats", my downstairs neighbor wouldn't like me very much if i set up a home gym.
+ my Gym membership is paid by my company. A home set up wouldn't be.
FWIW my gym is £20 per month so if I were paying myself and saved it to buy home equipment I could get (maybe) an empty second hand Olympic bar?
When I did have a home set up I bought it all second hand - Powercage, bench, bar and plates. It was £600 so equivalent to 30 months gym membership. I liked having that kit around but the space it took up was an issue and when I got the free gym membership, it was time to sell it and use the gym. I've met some pretty awesome people at my current gym and learnt much, much more than i would have done working out at home.0 -
Why I love my crossfit gym...no mirrors lol1
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Thanks all, for the encouragement! I really have to just own where I am, and know that the hard work and discomfort I feel will be temporary. I don't know why I care so much about what other people think of me, but it's been a monkey on my back for a long time.3
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I admire people in the gym who are there to workout its the make up wearing perfume stink smelling yak ity yak people I can't stand. Don't get me wrong dudes can be just as bad BSing about nothing sitting on a machine doing nothing they just don't stink..lol..
Do it for you screw what other people think- Just do it2 -
many of us started out "fat" at the gym (see me below), I was 224 lbs when I started. I also hated it and felt so out of place, but then I realized that everyone is focused on their own workouts, and while might look at you, aren't judging you. Bite the bullet, put in your headphones, and get the workout done. Ignore everyone else, find your own space and do it. In a year or two you'll thank yourself for it and kick yourself for not starting sooner.
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Michael190lbs wrote: »I admire people in the gym who are there to workout its the make up wearing perfume stink smelling yak ity yak people I can't stand. Don't get me wrong dudes can be just as bad BSing about nothing sitting on a machine doing nothing they just don't stink..lol..
Do it for you screw what other people think- Just do it
I've experienced the opposite. I dont care if women wear makeup... but the amount of dudes who don't wear deodorant... my god...3 -
I wrote this on another thread, but the advice one of my friends gave me when I was just starting out was, "You just have to be willing to suck for awhile." I was so out of shape. I was so de-conditioned. I had no muscle. Working out was not fun. I wasn't happy with my body. Sometimes I needed to do the modification. But with consistency, I kept getting there. And you DO belong in the weight room.
Also, don't be so sure all of these bulky dudes and fit ladies have been uber fit their entire lives. Yes there are some gym rats, but so many people discover fitness at various points in their lives. People who only know me now think I'm always been super into health and fitness. They don't know I was over 60lbs heavier, had never picked up weights in my life, and didn't even really know what a plank was. And quite honestly, most days I still feel like an amateur when I go in there.
You don't need to walk in like you own the place, but you definitely need to hold your head up that you belong there and you are working hard to improve your strength and life.
I don't really know anyone who would ever look down on someone who got up and dressed and made it into the gym and is lifting. Someone would have to be a total jerk who is not worth your time and their opinion is not worthy.
Oooh, don't be afraid of the mirrors. You are there, you're lifting, you're fierce, you're strong, you are doing more today than you could do yesterday. It's about so much more than just weight and appearance.
That is so awesome your trainer is awesome. Just let them show you the proper form so you can feel comfortable with doing the actual moves on your own, but don't let anything else stop you. And if there's something you feel uncomfortable, ask someone! Trust me, tons of fit people love to show off how expert they are.
Keep at it and there will be a time in the future that someone looks at you thinking you've got it all together and surely must have been doing this forever. Don't compare yourself to people who have been doing this for a year or two or more. You'll get there too.7 -
I remember a very large lady the was one of the regulars at my gym. She worked out so intense that it exceeded any workout that I did. Then she would then go across the street and go up and down the Library front steps 50 or a hundred times. I remember thinking "I pity the fool that thinks this large person is out of shape because she will so out do anyone I know". She also had a wonderful upbeat personality and everybody loved and admired her. My point is be positive and outgoing, you are working hard toward a goal and be proud of it. You may find a shallow person on the way but relax, you are better than them. Go in there like you own the place and stay motivated.6
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@divcara So inspiring and true!1
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StealthHealth wrote: »I frequent the weights section of my gym. These are my reasons for staring/looking at people:
- *kitten*! Those guys look like they are heading for the squat rack - Damn! I was planning on using that.
- WTF are they doing? Curling in the squat rack?
- Pfft - using 2 benches for rack pulls - the manager isn't going to like that!
- You gonna unrack those plates, buddy? nope, thought not.
- Good form!
- Terrible form! Should I say something? probably not - none of my business.
- That guy has been coming here for 2 years now and he's still lifting the same weights with the same crappy style and he still looks the same!
- Hahaha - bicep curls with more shoulders than a David Byrne suit!! King of the Swingers.
- Could I pull off that long socks and Chuck Taylors look? What am I thinking, I'm a 48 year old bloke!! NO!!
What I am not thinking:- He/She/They don't deserve to be in here.
^^This is great!!!
I started being a fat girl...just like I started running as a fat girl. Now...because I didn't give in to the pressure...I am a fit girl!!! I say you go and rock those weights.3 -
Once upon a time, every single person in the weight room was in the weight room for the first time...every single person has felt some level of discomfort...most people were probably out of shape, etc.
I certainly didn't go into the weight room fit...but I sure as *kitten* have come out of it fit...well, I'm still in it, but you catch the drift...5 -
THANK you so much everyone! I'm feeling inspired and ready for the challenge!6
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I was the fat girl for a long time, now I am just the overweight girl. I started with a personal trainer and it helped a lot, but I went in and did the free weights all on my own several times a week too. It wasn't always easy, but I kept going and now I am the girl in the weight room all the time. There was no reason to be scared, I am now friends with a lot of the people that used to scare me.3
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I get looks from the bulky dudes and the fit ladies and I wish I could know what they are thinking. Are they thinking "What the hell is she doing here?!" or something nicer?
Most likely they are they are thinking - respect for taking steps to improve yourself.
Go to the gym to get fit/strong not because you are already fit/strong!
Yep, the vast majority are respecting you. Screw the rest. Best of luck.0 -
StealthHealth wrote: »I frequent the weights section of my gym. These are my reasons for staring/looking at people:
- *kitten*! Those guys look like they are heading for the squat rack - Damn! I was planning on using that.
- WTF are they doing? Curling in the squat rack?
- Pfft - using 2 benches for rack pulls - the manager isn't going to like that!
- You gonna unrack those plates, buddy? nope, thought not.
- Good form!
- Terrible form! Should I say something? probably not - none of my business.
- That guy has been coming here for 2 years now and he's still lifting the same weights with the same crappy style and he still looks the same!
- Hahaha - bicep curls with more shoulders than a David Byrne suit!! King of the Swingers.
- Could I pull off that long socks and Chuck Taylors look? What am I thinking, I'm a 48 year old bloke!! NO!!
What I am not thinking:- He/She/They don't deserve to be in here.
Wait, what's wrong with long socks and chucks?1 -
Truth + puppy:
5 -
Weird that I came across this today!
I went to check out the local gym last night - I wanted to get some information on a membership.
My first thought was "what am I doing here? - I don't belong!"
My second was "what's with all the mirrors!?" LOL
Lots of encouraging words and good advice!
You've already taken that first step (you walked in the door!) and I think that's the hardest!
Keep at it - you got this!
Peace,
Leanne
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This is freaking awesome btw!!StealthHealth wrote: »I frequent the weights section of my gym. These are my reasons for staring/looking at people:- *kitten*! Those guys look like they are heading for the squat rack - Damn! I was planning on using that.
- WTF are they doing? Curling in the squat rack?
- Pfft - using 2 benches for rack pulls - the manager isn't going to like that!
- You gonna unrack those plates, buddy? nope, thought not.
- Good form!
- Terrible form! Should I say something? probably not - none of my business.
- That guy has been coming here for 2 years now and he's still lifting the same weights with the same crappy style and he still looks the same!
- Hahaha - bicep curls with more shoulders than a David Byrne suit!! King of the Swingers.
- Could I pull off that long socks and Chuck Taylors look? What am I thinking, I'm a 48 year old bloke!! NO!!
What I am not thinking:- He/She/They don't deserve to be in here.
1 -
Another thing... get interactive. Let them get to know you, your goals, why you're there, that you're serious and that you are kicking trash and taking names. Most discomfort is eliminated by "breaking the ice".
For the most part, "Fit Folk" appreciate being asked for advice. Ask what move they're doing, ask how your form is, maybe even ask for a spot. It humanizes you and can get you some potentially inspirational gym buddies as well. The more you get out of your head, the less you'll have time to internalize every look and unheard comment.
You are AWESOME.3
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