Is this true!

Jimb376mfp
Jimb376mfp Posts: 6,236 Member
in Chit-Chat
Can ex-lovers be friends?

Replies

  • Jimb376mfp
    Jimb376mfp Posts: 6,236 Member
    44aksmck1cc8.jpeg

    Discuss.

  • Hornsby
    Hornsby Posts: 10,322 Member
    Of course and of course not. This isn't a one size fits all answer.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,224 Member
    There's no such thing as 'never' when it comes to the range of human emotions and what they are capable of.
  • synchkat
    synchkat Posts: 37,368 Member
    Isn't there a 1980s song that says it's possible?
  • lenoresdream
    lenoresdream Posts: 522 Member
    edited September 2016
    GnothiSeauton23 wrote: »
    I am very close friends with a couple of my exes. They have since moved on and got married. I truly believe we were in love but sometimes relationships don't work for various reasons.

    It's a matter of being an adult about it and accepting. However both people need to accept it otherwise it can turn toxic very fast.

    It also depends on who your ex is and what kind of person they are. You can be an adult all you want but if your ex isn't mature or sane enough then it won't work.
  • melmelw03
    melmelw03 Posts: 5,332 Member
    Just went through this.
    No.
    Absolutely not.
  • Fit4LifeGal79
    Fit4LifeGal79 Posts: 5,577 Member
    Exactly what I'm trying to figure out.
  • AdamAthletic
    AdamAthletic Posts: 2,985 Member
    I'm friends with my ex because (1) I have no reason to seriously dislike her (2) we have two children together.

    Im not the argumentative kind of person anyway, staying on friendly terms is the path of least resistance.
  • pdm3547
    pdm3547 Posts: 1,057 Member
    No. From recent past experience, I don't believe they can.
  • pdm3547
    pdm3547 Posts: 1,057 Member
    cgreen120288 wrote: »
    cant a man and woman be friends!!?

    Of course, but that wasn't the question.
  • Just_J_Now
    Just_J_Now Posts: 9,551 Member
    It all depends on the individuals, the relationship, the break-up etc.
    I don’t think I could be "besties" with my soon to be ex-husband but I can certainly be cordial.
  • km8907
    km8907 Posts: 3,861 Member
    Nope. I don't hate my ex's, but I can't be friends with them.
  • NorthCascades
    NorthCascades Posts: 10,968 Member
    I'm friends (but not terribly close, which is unfortunate) with one ex. It can happen, but it's rare.
  • _Sugar_interrupted
    _Sugar_interrupted Posts: 529 Member
    Yes. My boys dad and I are actually really good friends, always have been.

    Comes over for Christmas morning/thanksgiving dinner/football game bbqs.

    When my second husband had an affair & I needed to leave our family home, he allowed me & all my kids to have his apartment, and he stayed with his gf.

    It's better for us, and for the kids that we are friends.

    And, he's a decent human. No reason to not be his friend.
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  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,508 Member
    edited September 2016
    Maximus wrote: »
    "Is this true!"

    Are you asking a question!



    maybe?

    wait..

    maybe!
  • fanceegirl75
    fanceegirl75 Posts: 620 Member
    Some can. Some can't.
    But telling your new girlfriend that an ex you now consider a "friend" because you two are better off that way. Yet, when you met your new gf you still had her titty pics is your phone makes this very questionable.
  • PowerMan40
    PowerMan40 Posts: 766 Member
    Me and my first ex no way in hell could we be friends, we have never tried
    me and my partner who maybe my ex #2 we may be friends, but still to be determined.
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
    *shakes head* not with me. By the time I get rid of someone, I want to launch them into the freaking sun.
  • chocolate_owl
    chocolate_owl Posts: 1,695 Member
    Yes, ex-lovers can be friends, and it doesn't mean they're still in love. Romantic love peaks and wanes. If it happens to wane during a time you realize you're not compatible and committed, perhaps you can separate amicably, and perhaps you can remain friends. I'm friendly with a couple of my exes. The breakups were hard at the time, but we both realized our relationship didn't have the foundation to be forever.

    That said, if my husband ever said my friendship with any of them made him uncomfortable, I'd cut them out without hesitation. I like them as people and enjoy talking to them, but their friendship isn't anywhere near as important as my firmly committed marriage. If you're ever thinking about choosing an ex over a serious significant other, you probably need to evaluate that love thing again.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    I'm not sure you can be a go out to lunch, call, text, hang out, etc kind of friend. I'm friendly with a couple of my ex-girlfriends but we don't hang out...if we see each other out and about we will stop and say hi and maybe have a short chat or something.

    IDK if it's really possible for opposite sex to truly be platonic friends...at least in the one on one sense (friends because you're friends with their husband or they're one of your wife's friends doesn't really count)...not that I've hooked up with every girl I've ever been platonic friends with, but I've certainly thought about it and there's some level of attraction...
  • 240sx7
    240sx7 Posts: 12 Member
    I would say no.
    In my experience, my now spouse wanted to stay friends with an ex.
    (they were friends before i came into the mix).
    Just the thought that they had something very passionate before I came along a couple years later is enough to get the ex out. I don't want to be thinking of that everytime they get together to hang out with mutual friends! YUCK!

    I said i didn't like it, and you better decide who you want in your life or I'll make that decision for you and be long gone.

    Cut it off right then and there with the ex. From then on, we got married and things are Awesome. :blush:

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  • maeld51
    maeld51 Posts: 3,415 Member
    I was married for 35yrs, lived with him from 17 to 50.
    I worked very hard during the divorce and since to maintain a friendly relationship, mostly for the sake of our grandson.
    We are friends but it does cause me some anxiety and often times it seems it would be easier if we hated each other.
    Going with the flow.
  • peaceout_aly
    peaceout_aly Posts: 2,018 Member
    Jimb376mfp wrote: »
    44aksmck1cc8.jpeg

    Discuss.

    I've only had three boyfriends (and didn't "talk" to anyone in between, not one that likes to be in the dating scene...I'm a romantic)
    First one - still love him. He died at 21 y.o. If he were still alive, there was no way we could have continued on a life just being "friends"
    Second one - realized I never loved him, terrible, manipulating and abusive human being
    Third one - love of my life

    From personal experience, this rings true. And no, ex-lover's can not be friends (not counting hook-ups, I know plenty of people that "hooked up" and are married to other people yet still remain friends with their previous flings)
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,585 Member
    i can be friends with most of the people ive dated

    but my most recent x is not going well with the whole friends thing...*sigh* letting go sucks
  • chocolate_owl
    chocolate_owl Posts: 1,695 Member
    cwolfman13 wrote: »
    I'm not sure you can be a go out to lunch, call, text, hang out, etc kind of friend. I'm friendly with a couple of my ex-girlfriends but we don't hang out...if we see each other out and about we will stop and say hi and maybe have a short chat or something.

    IDK if it's really possible for opposite sex to truly be platonic friends...at least in the one on one sense (friends because you're friends with their husband or they're one of your wife's friends doesn't really count)...not that I've hooked up with every girl I've ever been platonic friends with, but I've certainly thought about it and there's some level of attraction...

    Two of my three closest friends are guys. One of those friendships got a bit squirrely for a while - cuddling and such - but that was because we were feeling pressure from expectations that you're supposed to fall in love with your best friend. It didn't last long - being romantic was really frikkin weird and uncomfortable for both of us. With the other guy, there's never been any spark of that kind at all. He's a great friend, but he's so far removed from what I want in a love interest and partner that there's been no question about the platonic status of our friendship.

    I'd guess sleeping with me has crossed their minds at some point, but there's a difference between briefly wondering about sleeping with someone and thinking about it enough to impact your friendship. I've had to draw boundaries in friendships before - don't touch me like that, don't talk to me like that, don't get pouty about my boyfriend, don't bring up anything sexual. I've found the more a guy tries to make you "one of the guys" by telling penis jokes around you, the more he secretly wants to be in your pants. That doesn't happen with these two guys, so if either of my BFFs have been secretly pining to bang me for the past 8 years, they've done a stellar job of compartmentalizing that and not letting it interfere with the awesomeness we have.
  • sunburntgalaxy
    sunburntgalaxy Posts: 455 Member
    I broke up with my long-time (20 yeas living together) boyfriend 3 months ago and we are trying to stay friends. We kind of drifted apart romantically so that is pretty much the spot we were at anyway, so maybe that is why it is not as hard for us to do - I think it depends on how things end. It is kind of weird he keeps trying to fix me up though - not really used to that yet (also not read for that yet). So I think it is possible.

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