are your partners being supportive ?

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maxinethestrange
maxinethestrange Posts: 146
in Motivation and Support
I know many of you on here have had trouble with friends and them going out but have your partners been the same ?
I love my boyfriend nearly a year together and he has always been lovely even if hes a little clueless about everything I do.
But he is now like but I love you the way you are , this only became a bit annoying last night when I was like yeh look at me im shrinking and he was like but I miss your bum , what if your boobs go , and does not seem to share the same entusiamum(sp) as me about healthy eatting so he is like just have one tim tam you'll be fine its okay we can buy fizzy jucie. He is also trying to lose weight all he really needs to do is stop eatting all the freaking bread and fizzy jucie and it will fall off him (so not fare)
Anyway does anyone else have this problem ? how do you deal with it ?
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Replies

  • NightOwl1
    NightOwl1 Posts: 881 Member
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    I'm lucky that my girlfriend is completely supportive of what I do. She's really into fitness, so it's something we bond over.

    You need to let your boyfriend understand that this is important to you, and that you need him to be supportive of you. Don't try to change his own eating habits. If he still wants to eat triple cheeseburgers, let him. But let him know that he needs to make more of an effort to aid your weight loss.
  • lucysmommy
    lucysmommy Posts: 460
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    yip i know how you feel, he says he wants to get healthy ( my partner is 11st and in no way overweight at all) and i say well lets go for it and about 10 minuted later he asks me if i would like a takeaway for dinner?!?!?
  • maxinethestrange
    maxinethestrange Posts: 146
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    i wouldnt try and change his eatting habbits just wish he would realize that i would love to scoff down a bar of chocolate but i cant! so he should stop trying to make me eat it
  • rocki21
    rocki21 Posts: 108 Member
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    My boyfriend of five years is actually doing this with me because i was so excited about this and he wanted to work out with me and what not. My boyfriend also loves me the way i am and my butt and boobs but he doesn't mind as long as I'm happy. To maybe fix your problem sit down with your boyfriend and have a serious discussion about how this is important to you and that you want to be more healthy and if he doesn't understand that it is important to you I'm not really sure he is willing to really commit if you know what i mean. I hope this helps
  • JodieLBradbury
    JodieLBradbury Posts: 38 Member
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    My partner is very suportive, she's on here too actually :D It's great having someone who's doing it along with you, we encourage each other to go out for a walk or do some other kind of exercise.
  • maxinethestrange
    maxinethestrange Posts: 146
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    commitment does not seem to be his problem already living together at the otherside of the world :L might just have to explian to him. he has not been horrible just get he likes my bum :L
  • change_happens
    change_happens Posts: 491
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    WHen my spouse found out I was exercising he decided to lose weight. So, in his mind it was a competitive thing, so he dropped down to 1200 calories and he was melting away. Then when he saw me exercising, he decided to exercise. He never compliments me (maybe a few times, so never would be a lie), and when he does he always gives me this quick, "wow!" and then immediately turns the focus on him where it stays for long lengths of time with me staring at him while he talks about his stomach, legs, thighs, blah-blah-blah!

    I didn't even know that I was competing... sheesh!
  • M_lifts
    M_lifts Posts: 2,224 Member
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    When I first started mfp my hubby was ok with it- I didnt try and change what he atd, I just reduced my portions and got active. He started noticing that the pounds were coming off and followed suit. I cook for us both and he has a slightly bigger portion than mine. He has stopped buying biscuits and other junk and now volunteers to buy fruit and veg which is amazing. Also complements me constantly on how hot I look which would indicate that he was afraid to tell me that id let myself go a bit! Lol. Anyhow, my point is, dont force him to change. But you can change, and before you know it he will accept it and change too. The thing with men is that you have to let them think it was their idea! Lol.
  • hush7hush
    hush7hush Posts: 2,273 Member
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    I am not currently in a relationship (thank God), but if I were to become exclusive with one of the men I'm seeing, I wouldn't do so unless they were supportive.

    One I'm seeing now, he's great, loves that we're both into eating healthy and working out. He's one of my biggest supporters. (:
  • haeden
    haeden Posts: 183 Member
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    just say he will love it even more once you love ur body :)
  • mags2504
    mags2504 Posts: 275
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    My husband is ex army and was as fit as a butchers dog at the time. He always said that when he got medical discharge from the army he would keep up his fitness. Well that never happened. He's been out 3 years now. When I joined the gym at xmas he still wasn't interested, but when I started loosing weight and he could see what a great time i was having he decided to join in april. Can't keep him away now. Certainly not complaining. He's seen the difference more since i bought my HRM, now he wants one. The only bad thing is that he keeps saying "Try and get down to about 9st (126lbs)" I have never been that since I was 19 and I thought I was far too thin. My goal is 10st. I'm 5ft 6 so I have told him as long as i can still eat my food that i enjoy my body will settle in a good place. Don't want to be skinny, just want to be fit, happy and healthy.
  • ickybella
    ickybella Posts: 1,438 Member
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    This is a tough one. I had a lot of weight to lose when I met my husband and he was supportive, for the most part, but our marriage was better when I was bigger than when I was in the process of losing weight. Now, in maintenance, he says he likes me this way because I am not obsessive about weighing every single thing I eat (though I do still weigh most things) but he loved me no matter what size I was. I guess I was severely neurotic when I was trying to lose, and that would put you off. At least he kept his mouth shut about it until I was done losing weight. Even now, though, when I talk about trying to lose a few more pounds (just to get rid of my belly) he gives me a pleading sort of look that basically says "Please don't go back to that."
  • Caperfae
    Caperfae Posts: 433
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    My hubby is the worst for support.
    I was able to lose weight last year because he was gone away to work for 6-months. When he came back home my willpower went out the window because he keeps horrible foods in the house and there's always Pepsi in the fridge. He doesn't care what he eats (and she should because he's pudgy and has a bad snoring problem).
    It makes the weight loss battle that much more difficult when there are people living in the house who don't cheer you on for sure!
  • cband
    cband Posts: 45 Member
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    My boyfriend supports me exercising...but he always tries to make me eat more. He doesn't understand the concept of only eating until you're not hungry x.x
  • clarech
    clarech Posts: 157 Member
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    No!!
  • debbiequack
    debbiequack Posts: 275 Member
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    I think it's threatening to see your partner change. There are worries: "maybe when they get thin, they will leave me", etc...

    That's not always the case, but I think it's worth talking about and getting it out in the open.

    Best,

    Debbie

    PS: My gf is great and she's on here, too.
  • MissAnjy
    MissAnjy Posts: 2,480 Member
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    My husband is not supportive at all (although he thinks he's MR.supportive)
    He'll throw words at me like "obsessive" constantly.
    He doesn't want to hear anything about my fitness, my weight loss, etc. He thinks i'm "ridiculous" which he also says often.
    He has now begun guilting me when I go to exercise and refuses to let me buy anything fitness related, including running shoes (which I bought yesterday and heard about later).
    One day after his many comments and many guilt trips, I said to him "well don't you want a fit and hot wife?" and his response was "I don't care if you're fat" ........ thanks
  • tonilizzy88
    tonilizzy88 Posts: 968 Member
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    i joined the gym on my 23rd birthday. i told my partner that i was unhappy with my weight and had even resorted to stupid things to loose it. he didnt seem to happy about it at first as in his eyes it was a waste of money but ive been doing it since june1st and have been 4-5 times a week ever since. he tell me that im a lot happyer and dont snap at him any more (i didnt think i did before)
    we eat together but i have smaller portions than him and i offer to cook most of the time so i can weigh my food etc ( he tells me im strange when i do this) i tell him 'you want me to be happy doint you'?
  • beccyleigh
    beccyleigh Posts: 847 Member
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    when we met 11 years ago I was already very fat but still had quite a good shape but after quite a few years & having a child I was massive, he never once has said I need to lose nor criticized the way I look, once I started losing after my son was born his only concern was that losing it too quickly would make me look haggard, I managed to lose 98lbs & felt great & he was complimentary, I then gained 18lbs back & started on here & have managed to drop 9lbs. Again there was no criticism of my weight gain & the other day I asked him if I looked better after losing 9lb & he agreed I looked better & had gotten my waist back. I'm pretty sure as long as I don't look like a beach ball he is happy.

    That said, I am not doing it for him, I want to look good for myself, I want to not waste the next however many years I have left being unfit & overweight. But it helps if you have someone who isn't encouraging you to eat bad food (we don't do takeaways anymore & he cooks for him & my son most days whilst I eat my own food)

    I doubt we would have survived 11 years if he had been an *kitten* about me being fat or had tried to sabotage me once I decided to do something about it. He supports me going to the gym, I go late evenings 2-3 times a week after our son is in bed & weekends for 1-2 hours (although I take the boy with me on these days) & tbh he wouldn't know how much is cost or what I spend on fitness in general. I don't consider it his business & he wouldn't presume that it was either.
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
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    Yeah, my husband is, but his "ideal woman" is fit and muscular. I could see a problem if he really like curvy women.

    Next time boyfriend is in a good talkative mood sit him down (7 years of marriage has taught me to wait for the right moods) and talk about it. Tell him you love him and that isn't going to change as you get healthier. Tell him the sex will get better (it will!). But that you really need his support. You aren't doing this in order to lose your boobs (really, not many woman have that goal) but to get healthier, to feel better about yourself. It's a lifetime thing, not a temporary thing and his support would mean a lot to you. Let him know he doesn't have to eat like you, just ask him to not make negative comments and/or offer you bad foods. What you need from him isn't really that much.

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