A Dieter's Hell

n8leagr8 · July 2011

Imagine this: You've set the goals, you've told all of your friends, and your lifestyle change is now in full swing during its first week. However, you find sabotage lurking around every corner...a visit back home means being besieged with plates and dishes filled with cookies and cakes...every well-meaning family member offers you a taste of this WONDERFULLY AMAZING CREATION that has God-knows-what in it...your life will be more fulfilled if you simply try this dish, just try it, one bite can't hurt, can it? Oh, and if you don't eat this, personal insult and injury will be the result.

This is part of my current hell.

My grandmother died this week. Her funeral is today. It is definitely not an event I am looking forward to. Last night was her visitation service. My entire family gathered to pay respects to a wonderful woman who was diagnosed with terminal cancer just 1 1/2 months ago. It snuck up on us, it was aggressive, but my grandmother died with relatively little pain. She was ready. However, I was NOT ready...not even close...for the emotional toil her death would take on my family, and on myself.

In the past, I have dealt with grief in various ways. Cry it out. Keep it inside. Consult in a friend or family member. Consulting with a psychologist. Consult with a beer (or 5). Consulting with drugs. Oh yes, and my favorite...consulting with food. That pan of brownies always knows just what I need. Obviously, some of my ways of dealing with grief in the past haven't been all that healthy, but in truth, my emotional eating has probably wreaked the most havoc. Why do we feel that food will solve our problems? That box of Oatmeal Creme Pies doesn't love me, it doesn't care about me, and I will still have my emotions to sort through long after the 20 minutes it takes me to eat the whole box (okay, 10, but who's counting). It has become evident to me throughout this weekend that I am not alone in this. I have been raised in a family and culture of "comfort food"; where just the right recipe will make everything alright. It will not.

My family has been overwhelmed with food this past week. As is the custom in my upbringing, giving cards, flowers and food to the family of the deceased is your way of paying your respects. I must say, I am touched and honored by the outpouring of generosity and love my family has received in the wake of my grandmother's passing. However, the outpouring of chocolate chip cookies, lemon bars, carrot cakes and brownies has got to stop. I appreciate the gesture, and my family does as well, more than you will know. But there is no way that we can possibly eat all of this food. And, on a more personal note, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY KILLING MY RESOLVE. Well, your treats are, and my family's insistence that I help them eat this food. I am fully aware of how ungrateful this sounds, and I really don't mean to be this way. It's just my frustration at how food-centric we have become as a culture, and how I'm starting to see that my journey will at times put me at odds with those that I love most. That is the last thing that I want to do, but if succeeding at making myself a better, healthier person means I have to piss you off by saying no (for the 5th damn time) to your offer of a bite of this delicious whatever, then so be it. Try not to take offense.

I did cave last night at my parents, eating several cookies and cakes (because I can't have just one). Just estimating, I probably consumed around 1,000 calories inside of five minutes. It's a shame too, because that one-bite-won't-hurt mentality cost me a good portion of the effort I have made this week in eating healthy and exercising. I resolve not to let it happen again. This weekend, at least. I'm sure I will stumble again, but I hope I still have the resolve to keep on truckin'.

Thank you to all of those who have supported myself and my family throughout this difficult time. A special thanks to someone who consulted me through my own dark moments. Sobbing should be listed on the Cardiovascular exercises, cuz I'm pretty sure I burned a lot of calories.

Rest In Peace - Betsy Bruce (October 3, 1922 - July 5, 2011)

Kelly_Wilson1990 · July 2011

It is very hard when dealing with family. I let my family members know that I am on a special diet and to please not be offended if I cannot eat something. You know what...they are not offended. Most will ask me what I can eat and are very accommodating. If I is a special occasion or I do not feel like I can tell the people about my diet, I just eat what I can and avoid what I am not supposed to eat.

OSUalum · July 2011

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this sad time.
Keep the faith. Both God and your grandmother want really good things for you in this life. Take care of yourself and your body. Be healthy and strong.
Life can be very hard sometimes....but you will get through it. And sabotaging your health will never make any circumstance better.
Love yourself as much as you love others....and you'll stay on the right track.
HUGS

LeeLynnP · July 2011

I am truly sorry for your loss. I am sure that no words that I can offer will help you in this moment. But I will tell you (speaking from experience) that if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other and continue to move forward, no matter how many times you fall..... as long as you pick yourself up and keep moving forward, you will get there. I have these people in my everyday life too.

Qarol · July 2011

You don't sound ungrateful, at all. But it's hard to turn off the food. When I was in high school, my appendix ruptured. My mom's church (the one I went to as well; my dad did not go) probably felt a bit helpless and just kept bringing food by. It was a very nice gesture as my mom probably didn't have a whole lot of time to feed the rest of the family while she spent so much time with me in the hospital. But the constant door bell ringing with yet another church member bringing a dish of something irritated my dad. He asked, "how do you turn it off?" My mom said, you don't. You say thank you and take it. But no one was trying to diet at that time. So I feel your pain. You just have to stay strong. I bet they won't be as offended as you think if you say thank you to the dish but don't eat any of it.

alyssa12299 · July 2011

:flowerforyou:I'm sorry for your loss. But instead of dealing with your emotions through food, try talking to another loved one about how you feel. Family will always be there for you no matter how tough life gets. If you do have to turn to food to comfort you, try snacking on fruits or veggies, something that is healthy but can still comfort you in this tough time. I truly am sorry for your loss and I hope this helps you.

sexforjaffacakes · July 2011

"Why do we feel that food will solve our problems? That box of Oatmeal Creme Pies doesn't love me, it doesn't care about me, and I will still have my emotions to sort through long after the 20 minutes it takes me to eat the whole box"

I really like that, I think I'll remember that next time I'm tempted. I guess once you realise food won't actually make you feel better, (in fact will make you feel worse with guilt and weight gain etc) you can start to figure out what will help you deal with emotions.

sorry for your loss as well

x

LorinaLynn · July 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss. *HUGS*

But... do NOT beat yourself up over "1000 calories in 10 minutes." First off... you probably didn't. Secondly, you're probably eating at least 500 calories below maintenance every day, so even a 1000 extra calorie binge isn't going to make you gain any weight or undo anything you've done. At most, it was the same as eating 2 days at maintenance.

Take the time to mourn and heal. Support your family and let them support you. You have enough emotional turmoil around you right now that you don't need any extra guilt... and that includes guilt from eating goodies or guilt from NOT eating the goodies offered you. Do what's best for you.

asilmegan34 · July 2011

First off, sorry for your loss. Losing someone important to our lives, its hard to imagine a world without them.
Second off, you fell off the wagon last night. You were vulnerable and you caved. But don't beat yourself up over it, do you understand how hard that must have been for you, to be dealing with grief and loss, surrounded by comfort food? It's called that for a reason! Here's what I recommend... Tell a friend that you need their help, that you are worried about weight gain in light of this change in your life. Try working out first thing in the morning and see if that helps you by giving you a bunch of endorphins and it might help keep your eating in check.

Also, talk to your family about it in a way that doesn't sound self centered or whatever. My sister and I are trying very hard to eat healthy so we told family over 4th of July weekend that we needed to try and keep food as healthy as can be, for our sake. Essentially, like they were there to support us by making healthier food choices. And they did!!! My mom made some amazing salsa for veggie dipping, we eat chicken kabobs, and there wasn't chips in sight. Because when you think about it, no matter your size, no one needs to have a weekend to just eat a bunch of crappy food non stop. They knew that, and they helped us out. Get support for them and good luck on your goals!

Persipan · July 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss - and I wouldn't worry too much about food at a time like this; just do what's right for you and your family.

That said, faced with this situation, rather than try (probably fruitlessly) to explain to people that I'm trying to eat healthily, I would possibly tell a little white lie and say I didn't feel up to eating all that much because I was so upset. That way, nobody would be offended, but I wouldn't have to express my grief through the medium of pie.

Missevanston · July 2011

awww...Honey. First let me say that I am sorry for your loss and am glad to know that your grandmother did not suffer too much.

You have such a great attitude! And you can see what is happening...like standing outside of yourself and watching...I can see you!

My ideas are these:
*remember what you said "the cookies and cakes are not going to make you feel better" You will feel worse, don't succumb more than you already did.

* You did eat what you ate, so hope you enjoyed it!...let go of it...Don't beat yourself up over it....move forward starting now.

*Graciously thank all the well wishers for their love and contributions of food. Wrap it up and take it to the local shelter or food pantry that serves meals...or your local parish or church....they will be so grateful...and you will feel so good about your donation. If that doesn't work for some reason, resign that YOU don't want it in your house and make sure to send it home with your mother, sister, uncle, cousin...whatever, you get the drift...just RESOLVE that you are better than the food.

Best of luck!

A Dieter's Hell

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