Feeling fat and self conscious when going out / clubbing

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ellamroberts873
ellamroberts873 Posts: 19 Member
in Motivation and Support
So all summer i stopped myself going out mainly because everytime i went out i would feel fat and plain ugly compared to everyone else and i always end up alone in the club. But over summer i lost a stone because of this and i thought i would be fine now but i went out last night and it was just so much worse, I felt fatter and worse than ever and once again I was left alone with everyone talking to my friends. I just don't know if its all in my head because this never used to happen, even when I was bigger, people would still come up to me and i would never be the loner sat by herself, does anyone else feel like this?

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  • NaomiPottingerKoops
    NaomiPottingerKoops Posts: 3 Member
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    Hi Ellamroberts.

    I feel the exact same!

    well done on your weight loss to date, you have done amazing!

    I totally let myself slip after rubbish break up. I stopped going to the gym and ate whatever I wanted. The result is that I am now 3 stone over weight :(

    Summer has been difficult. I don't like going out anymore for the same reasons you outlined. I have not been to the beach or dared to go to any pool parties. I wont even spend the day at the pool with my other half because I feel so self-conscious.

    I made a decision yesterday that i'm not living like this anymore- life's too short! i went to the gym this morning first thing, hired a PT and have eaten clean all day. I've signed up for the October biggest loser challenge and I'm looking forward to posting my achievements ( fat loss).

    I totally understand how you feel. You have done so well to lose a stone over the summer. keep up the good work girl! stay focused on your goal. visualise how you will look and feel when you return to those places looking your best and hopefully this will help to keep you on track. Every minute of every day you are getting closer to your goal, provided you stay on track and if you fall of track, get back on it asap :)

    Your gorgeous. Be confident. Stay positive and keep your head up. x
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
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    MeganMoroz89 wrote: »
    Honestly whether conscious or not, people can pick up on other people's moods. There's definitely a chance that because you're feeling so self-conscious about yourself while you're out you're broadcasting a "don't talk to me, I'm not worth it" kind of vibe. The only times that men approach me when I'm out is when I"m already having fun with my friends and relaxing but when I'm alone and have my usual resting sad face no one approaches me.

    This was my thought, too. If you feel confident and "sexy" that vibe gets transmitted to the people around you.

    It's difficult, I know, but you need to not worry so much about comparing yourself to other people. Anyone who only wanted to talk to you because you were thin isn't really worth your time in the first place, are they? Who wants to be around someone so shallow?

    You want someone who likes you for you, just the way you are. Remember, too, there are lots of people out there and everyone's idea of what is attractive is different. I don't know that the kind of people who hang out in "the club" are the ones I'd want to attract, but if that's where you want to be go out there and act confident in who you are and how you look. You'll turn more heads with that kind of vibe than by losing another stone.
  • NaomiPottingerKoops
    NaomiPottingerKoops Posts: 3 Member
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    yep, I agree with you both but it's hard to project confident and sexy when your not feeling that way. :/ I'm not wanting to attract people in clubs, I just want to feel confident around the pool, on the beach and generally comfortable in my clothes ( you're probably thinking that i should buy better fitting clothes or wear a one piece swim suit :# I agree )

    I think that not feeling self-conscious comes from confidence and for me, confidence comes from being in control of my weight and image and until today, i'd lost all control which left me feeling fed up, lacking in self-esteem and self conscious.

    Now i'm back on track I already feel more confident

    We shouldn't measure our self worth by how many men approach us on a night out and we shouldn't worry about how others think e look in a bikini but we do. we live in an image conscious society where we are constantly assessed on how look. i'm not saying that this is a good thing but it means that we feel bad when we are not fitting the media's representation of beauty.

    I agree that we should act confident and sexy but i think its a bit more complicated than that <3

  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
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    Of course it's more complicated than that. But an internet forum isn't the place to be fixing something like that, either. :smile:

    At the age of 50, I'm also in a much different place than you are. One, the thought of going clubbing just makes me go "eeeeew, no". I've been to a few over the past couple of years and I have no real desire to repeat the experience. The drink prices are ridiculous (bottle service, anyone?!) and the atmosphere is.... I just can't come up with the right word to express my horror and contempt for it. :lol: I didn't go clubbing when I was young, either, but my sister did and she loved it. In my 20s I was, however, insecure and always thought I was "fat" even when I wasn't, so I get all of what you're feeling.

    Fast forward a couple of decades and what other people think of how I look is pretty low on the priority list. I'm going to wear a bikini to the pool or beach and if people can't handle my surgery scars, stretch marks and spider veins they can kiss my *kitten*. I'd never suggest you wear a one piece, either, unless it helped you to feel more confident because that's really all that matters: how you feel about how you look. Being happy with how you look, whatever that is, is really the most important thing because when you're happy with it you will be confident.
  • Fursian
    Fursian Posts: 526 Member
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    What is your stats? What are your goals?
  • ellamroberts873
    ellamroberts873 Posts: 19 Member
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    Fursian wrote: »
    What is your stats? What are your goals?

    I started at 8 stone 10 pounds and I'm now 7 stone 10 pounds, i plan to either stay this weight or get down to no less than 7stone 7pounds. I am 5ft 4.
  • Fursian
    Fursian Posts: 526 Member
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    Depending on your height, you'll not have much more to lose, going by BMI standards. If you're at all interested in strength training goals, you could look into that. Changing body composition can have positive results in how we view ourselves.

    Sometimes this is just a mental game, with some days that are better than others. I'd say this is especially true after weight loss/weight gain, as we're paying more attention to our bodies than we ever did. Hard to shut the mind off when it's on a critical crime spree. Setting new goals though, to improve in areas that we can control, I really do believe helps with all this.
  • sijomial
    sijomial Posts: 19,809 Member
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    ellamroberts873 wrote: »
    Fursian wrote: »
    What is your stats? What are your goals?

    I started at 8 stone 10 pounds and I'm now 7 stone 10 pounds, i plan to either stay this weight or get down to no less than 7stone 7pounds. I am 5ft 4.

    Then yes it's in your head.
    Losing those 3lbs won't change that, you need to look elsewhere than the bathroom scales to find happiness and self-confidence.

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