Hesitant to shop for wedding dresses. Need advice.

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laineyceebee
laineyceebee Posts: 8 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi all! I got engaged right before Christmas, and as soon as the new year hit, I buckled down, started logging my food and exercise, and so far this year I have lost almost 45 pounds! My wedding is still eight months away, however, and I have no intention of stopping. I plan to lose a bit more weight before my wedding, although it's impossible to know how much more I will actually lose.

My problem is that now my bridesmaids are starting to bug me about wedding dress shopping, but I REALLY don't want to go. I'm perfectly happy planning all of the other aspects of my wedding, but I really don't even want to think about the dress yet. I told them that if worse came to worse I'd just buy something off the rack at the last minute because I don't want the hassle of having to figure out what size I'm going to be eight months from now or having to get my dress altered considerably. Plus psychologically I think it would be more pleasant for me to wedding dress shop after I've lost more weight. I'll feel more comfortable in my skin, and it will feel fun instead of a chore.

However, the wedding industrial complex has trained us all to believe that it's do or die, and if you're eight months out from your wedding, you have to get the dress NOW. How do I tell my bridesmaids to chill without being rude or hurting their feelings? They are very insistent that I must start looking ASAP. I don't really want a traditional white, poofy wedding dress anyway. I wouldn't care if I ended up wearing a prom dress to my wedding.

Am I doing the right thing by standing up for what I feel is best for me, or am I letting my negative feelings about my body get in the way of my wedding planning?

Replies

  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
    edited September 2016
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    How much do you want to lose by your wedding? It is easier to make a dress smaller than to enlarge.

    grammar
  • laineyceebee
    laineyceebee Posts: 8 Member
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    I've been consistently losing about 5 pounds per month. If I managed to keep that rate up, I would lose 40 more pounds by my wedding. However, I'm not as overweight as I used to be, so I'm assuming I might hit a plateau. Maybe a more realistic goal would be 30 more pounds before my wedding?
  • PennWalker
    PennWalker Posts: 554 Member
    edited September 2016
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    Guesstimating weight loss might be pretty accurate by the wedding, or it might be way off.

    I would go with my gut instincts and buy the dress off the rack close to the wedding. Then you can buy something that not only looks lovely but fits (yes, the store can adjust the dress, but how long does that take?).

    Oh, and congrats about the wedding! :)
  • 220Dani
    220Dani Posts: 198 Member
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    Wait. It's your wedding - shop on your schedule. I was forced into buying a wedding dress I hated (too dang timid to say no) and I hated it. Like you said, at the worst you'll have to grab one off the rack.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    It is your wedding and your dress. If you feel you can get something that you will like well enough closer to the day then there is nothing wrong with that.
    I was pregnant for my wedding so my body was changing. I did not buy the dress very far in advance. I bought a dress off the rack. It fit fine and looked fine to me. I hadn't dreamed about a particular dress since I was 12 years old. I looked at 3 stores in a week and found one I liked well enough in my size.
    I would tell your bridesmaids that you understand that they want your wedding to go well. You understand that a lot of people want a very particular dress but that isn't you. I would tell them that you will shop for your dress closer to the wedding and it will be okay.
  • nowine4me
    nowine4me Posts: 3,985 Member
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    For the exact same reason I bought mine off the rack 8 days before my wedding. It was perfect. You'll be a beautiful bride no matter what -- so don't let the pressure get you and have fun with it. It's your choice not your bridesmaids. Plus you may save a few grand in the process that you can spend on your honeymoon!!
  • hrod215
    hrod215 Posts: 163 Member
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    It's your day and you do what you want! That said, I understand you want to address your bridesmaids concerns. Check with a few dress shops and see what is the drop dead timeframe for you to go look at dresses but still have time for alterations. Don't quote me but places like David's Bridal usually have a 6 week deadline before the actual day. Again, it's your day and and I love your laid back style. You do what makes you happiest and your girls will love you for it. Congrats and good luck!
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    When I got married a million years ago, you had to order your dress months ahead of time. In this day and age, with all of the online shopping possibilities, you should be fine searching for a dress in a few months. I'd wait.
  • pineapple_peach10
    pineapple_peach10 Posts: 239 Member
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    I know exactly how you feel. My wedding is July 2017 and I put off looking for a dress for ever. I was down to 150lbs (I'm 5'10) but I have gained 9lbs back. I didn't want to look until I was back down to 150 but I ended up going anyway.

    It was fun but it honestly wasn't the easiest experience for me, since I've always had body confidence issues. I did end up finding the dress though!! And luckily it is a corset back so if I do end up getting back down to 150 I can just lace it tighter.

    Knowing I have my dress now has actually motivated me even more to lose what I gained back and keep going.

    Good luck!
  • clicketykeys
    clicketykeys Posts: 6,568 Member
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    Shopping for a wedding dress isn't just about getting a dress, though. It's also about oohing and aahing over shiny, sparkly, fluffy things, and spending time with your bridesmaids (or whoever you take with you). Think about what's behind your bridesmaids' pestering. Are they anxious for you? Are they excited and want to be part of the process? Are they going from their own experiences or those of sisters/friends and just not aware of other possibilities?

    IF you can make it 1000% clear (that's not a typo, btw!) that you are not buying a dress now, simply trying different options - and stick to that - you might enjoy a day of playing dress-up. It can be a lot of fun!
  • bioklutz
    bioklutz Posts: 1,365 Member
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    Are you short or tall and have a hard time fitting into clothing now? Do you have proportions that make it difficult to fit into clothing? If these things are not an issue for you there is no reason you can't wait.

    That being said the week before a wedding can be really really hectic. Maybe it is better to get the dress 1-2 months before the wedding and just work on maintaining your weight after the purchase.
  • girlwithcurls2
    girlwithcurls2 Posts: 2,261 Member
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    clicketykeys wrote: »
    Shopping for a wedding dress isn't just about getting a dress, though. It's also about oohing and aahing over shiny, sparkly, fluffy things, and spending time with your bridesmaids (or whoever you take with you). Think about what's behind your bridesmaids' pestering. Are they anxious for you? Are they excited and want to be part of the process? Are they going from their own experiences or those of sisters/friends and just not aware of other possibilities?

    IF you can make it 1000% clear (that's not a typo, btw!) that you are not buying a dress now, simply trying different options - and stick to that - you might enjoy a day of playing dress-up. It can be a lot of fun!

    This. Give them a day of fun, but make it absolutely clear that you have no intention of taking a dress home. You're just looking at styles, prices, etc. Remind them that they're lucky-you'll need to make another shopping trip closer to the wedding to actually buy a dress!! :)
  • laineyceebee
    laineyceebee Posts: 8 Member
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    Thanks, everyone. These have been all great answers. I really appreciate it. I've never posted on these forums before, and I'm delighted to see such pleasant, helpful people on here.
  • alylynn10
    alylynn10 Posts: 44 Member
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    Do it when you're ready and comfortable. Your bridal party should understand and not hassle you!
  • fattothinmum
    fattothinmum Posts: 218 Member
    edited September 2016
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    Go shopping, get an idea of dress styles you like, and file them away in your brain for when you're closer to the wedding. You can get your bridesmaids sorted out and have a lovely girlie day or two, if you like that sort of thing. If you don't, it's your day, so go shopping when you're ready.

    I bought off the rack, a gorgeous gown I adored at half the price I expected to pay, and in the first shop I went to. I stopped there. Upset my mum not to go many places, but I didn't need to. I took her shopping about four times for her outfit and she was a happy bunny then. I think it was more about the planning girlie thing than actually buying the dress.

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