Random Question about friends

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TheTeeWhy
TheTeeWhy Posts: 186
in Chit-Chat
Alright, I dont really know WHY I'm posting this here, but it's been on my mind and this site runs pretty quick for responses so. Yeah.

My question/concern, My best friend, is a woman, I've talked to her for like 6 years now or more, and we've gotten to know eachother pretty well over that time. I tell her things, she comes to me when she needs to talk, its a good trade off(we never tried to hook up there just simply wasnt THAT kind of attraction.

SO. We would usually talk on the puter here on windows live and all that, lately shes been busy and hasnt been on in a long time, we text but it isnt the same as a legit convo. She has a boyfriend and has had one for a while now, and I understand that no matter how well we know eachother, I will always be number two. I really really miss talking, we cant hang out when its convinient because thats when she hangs with her guy, when she isnt working. So overall I just feel gutted and stuff because she always says that I'm such an important friend and this and that, but we just dont hang out, or talk nearly enough.

I feel VERY VERY Jealous and VERY selfish for feeling this way, but it's kinda how I am. I'm not overly clingy, but I've always kind of had a hard time finding close friends so when one suddenly just stops coming on due to work, or being busy, or whatever. it hurts me it's been bugging me for weeks but if I told her about it, it'd come off as really weird and clingy >_> I can only wonder what some of you are gonna say to me here xD

Replies

  • Bumblebee26
    Bumblebee26 Posts: 118 Member
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    I'm sure it sucks man. Friends are friends and getting "crapped" on hurts. Let it be fuel for the fire. When you think about it, go out and exercise. Hopefully she will come around after the "new" phase of the relationship wears off.
  • heatherleigh12
    heatherleigh12 Posts: 26
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  • barbiex3
    barbiex3 Posts: 1,036 Member
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    usually when people get into comitted relationships, they usually have to cut ties with opposite sex friends that are not mutual of the couple. They don't "have" to, but it is usually what happens out of respect for the other person.

    If you were in love with someone, and you had been dating them for a long time, and you are in a committed relationship and you want to spend the rest of your life with that girl--- would YOU want HER to be talking to some random guy you don't know on the computer as a close friend?... probably not.

    I've been in the situation, and she is probably just doing it because she is very serious about her relationship. I know it's sad, but maybe that is what she was looking for in YOU the whole time you were friends, but it just never worked out, so she got a new guy in her life.

    suckkkky =[ !
  • TheTeeWhy
    TheTeeWhy Posts: 186
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    I should clarify actually, shes been dating the guy for two years now, but he was only in town during the school year, so he would go back to toronto, so she wouldnt have him around in the summers. So when he asnt around we would hit up the mall sometimes, go catch a movie, shoot the breeze at tim hortons after.

    So hes in town this summer since he moved here, so me and her havent really hanged out very often lately =/ even though shes just a friend I feel pretty bad about it because shes one of the few true friends I have. We hanged out on Canada day, which was cool and all, met her boyfriend and spent the night, but I just cant shake the feeling of there being no more just me and her chills
  • cieraangel
    cieraangel Posts: 88 Member
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    Well, you have to think about what place your missing her is coming from. A guy friend told me a long time ago that men are not women's close friend unless they think there is an opportunity for more in the future. I used to think he was crazy, but as soon as I got married, my guy friends started dropping like flies. Which left me with no one because I didn't have many girlfriends.

    So, are you into her and that's why you miss her or is she JUST a friend? You have to answer that question first before you talk to her, because if you don't, I think the conversation may not go how you want. Once you know what you want from the friendship, I say talk to her. She's not psychic, so you cannot assume she knows she's been spending less time with you. When in love, we become blind to a lot of stuff. I'm sure she's not doing this on purpose.
  • TheTeeWhy
    TheTeeWhy Posts: 186
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    Eh in the beginning I wanted some more but its been years and stuff. I am completely cool with being friends and since she is pretty attractive and im not so much, I highly doubt she ever wanted anything with me <_<.

    I know it may be hard to believe but I just really enjoy the company and friendship that we have, I legitimately wouldnt want any more than that. She works two jobs and all that, but I feel like shes hypocritical cause she always would tell me about how all her girlfriends never wanna hang with her cause they always wannabe with their boyfriends, but shes doing the same thing to me that she hated her friends doing to her >_>
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    I'd work on some supplemental friendships to ease your transition from this one. The unfortunate reality is that she's not going to start finding the time to spend with you until she's broken up with him so maybe try to foster some other friendships you have with other people that aren't quite to the BFF level you have here and see how you do. Hit up MeetUp.com to find activities you can do with other people. Keeps your mind off stuff. Good luck, man. Hang in there.
  • TheTeeWhy
    TheTeeWhy Posts: 186
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    This is like my blog here now V_v

    I find it hard to trust people because basically all the friends ive had have taken really dirty ways out of being my friend, whether it be choosing to do drugs or something, alcohol, etc.

    Ive lost like 3 friends this month along because I didnt want to play f'n thumb master, are you serious?
  • dHowe4406
    dHowe4406 Posts: 114
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    I had the same problem as you last year. I had a really good friend then when she got a boyfriend we stop hanging out. After a while she stop texting me too. It hurt having a friend just disappear. She broke up with him about six months ago and we haven't been talking much just because I don't want to get to close again and thrown the curb when a new boy comes a long.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    This is like my blog here now V_v

    I find it hard to trust people because basically all the friends ive had have taken really dirty ways out of being my friend, whether it be choosing to do drugs or something, alcohol, etc.

    Ive lost like 3 friends this month along because I didnt want to play f'n thumb master, are you serious?
    In that case I'll tell you what I always tell my friends when they tell me about problems that they believe are impossible at the time....
    The list of what you can't do and what you find it hard to do is a mile long. Figure out what you CAN do. No one here is going to advise you to crawl into your shell and give up, and you know that. Otherwise you wouldn't have come here to share this. Work it out. :)
  • TheTeeWhy
    TheTeeWhy Posts: 186
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    I'm just lost, I texted her earlier and she always answers back and seems pretty interested in what I have to say, but I dont see her nearly enough and I feel bad for not seeing her, but I feel even worse for makign it all about me. Thats why I dont want to bring it up to her specifically cause even though I'm sure it wouldnt be like the hellfire and brimstone, it would be uncomfortable.

    She knows that I wish we chilled more, but I guess I'm just a selfish jerk <_<
  • Sauchie
    Sauchie Posts: 357 Member
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    My best friend and i were best friends since i was 16. 6 yrs ago he married his wife and we haven't spoke since. It's sad really but truth is when people fall in love friends are forgotten . His wife didn't like me and told people i knew that.

    So I took the high road and said goodbye. Chin up and walk on its not you it's her... She's missing out on hanging out with a great guy.
  • TheTeeWhy
    TheTeeWhy Posts: 186
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    I cant really imagine us just plain NOT talking, I just cant shake the fact that I dont matter as much as I used to.

    Maybe I'll bring it up and be like YO when are ya free? Even if its a day time chill, whatever least it's something. I need to be more flexible maybe, and if that doesnt do anything well... Ill cross that one when I get there.

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