Grief and motivation

BloodstoneAmazon
BloodstoneAmazon Posts: 3 Member
in Motivation and Support
My mother died earlier this month. She'd had a stroke about five years ago but had started to recover recently, though she never got further than being able to say a few specific words she was able to get her point across almost perfectly. Then suddenly.....she's gone. Just found, in her wheelchair just like that. My brain still can't process it. A woman who was so fierce, such a human force of nature just...gone. She never saw me finish college, never saw me and Rich get married. Never got one grand baby. Most days I'm....fine? I can function. I've made the decision to do enough living for both of us. But then there are moments. I'm just so tired. I feel selfish complaining like this when my siblings are also suffering but that's a whole other story. I just want to shut down so much and just stop.

Replies

  • BloodstoneAmazon
    BloodstoneAmazon Posts: 3 Member
    My mother, Rich and I on my uncle's wedding weekend. And us and my three siblings a few months after the stroke. 647unl0luavn.jpg
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  • louann_jude
    louann_jude Posts: 307 Member
    Grief sucks! My Daddy died three years ago after a five year battle with Melanoma. Though I knew it was a possibility he decided to keep the really grim details from us kids even though we were all in our 30's. He passed two months after my youngest child was born so I was dealing with postpartum depression and grief. I was a mess and some days begged God to take me too. The first three months all I did was lay in the bed and cried. I would go from insomnia to sleeping a lot.

    Everyone processes differently. But I suggest you to find a good grief counselor. My therapist is awesome and I still see her once a week. I also have really bad anxiety. The first year is the hardest. That is when you have those moments you forget and you go to grab the phone, just to have it slap you in the face.

    Right now is a time you need your siblings. Stay in touch as often as you all can.

    I wasn't able to stick to plan when Daddy died. I would go up and down because some weeks I had no desire for food and others I just ate everything in sight. So if you need to keep count to feel more in control it may actually help.

    If you want to add me you can. I may not be able to help but you can write me and vent if you need to.
  • DanniB423
    DanniB423 Posts: 777 Member
    I am so very sorry for your loss.
  • BloodstoneAmazon
    BloodstoneAmazon Posts: 3 Member
    Thank you. Much of the time I'm alright. She was sick for more than half of my life, between diabetes and congestive heart failure. But when she'd get going, you'd never know it. She lived life loud, always wearing bright colors and making sure her voice was heard. She was an amazing woman, and it pains me to think she's gone.
  • Athomemermaid
    Athomemermaid Posts: 29 Member
    I'm sorry :( my mum died last Feb very suddenly too. I've struggled alot with the grief and still do. My suggestion for you is to just look after YOURSELF. Do what makes you happy. Cry, scream,have long hot baths etc. One month in I was still in shock.. It's hard loosing your mumma especially if your very close. And honey, it's ok to feel selfish! Your mum just died. She was a big part of your life.
    Hang in there! I'm happy to chat if you want someone.
  • pineapple_peach10
    pineapple_peach10 Posts: 239 Member
    So sorry for everyone's losses❤️
  • muzikanka
    muzikanka Posts: 3 Member
    I feel you, and I'm sorry. My 35 year old sister died in June.

    The fatigue is what has been getting to me the most. I can make my mind function through the days like normal, but the body is still too encompassed by the grief to do the same. Which of course makes it hard to keep moving, to even cook dinner. Then I think about my sister and how her obesity killed her (uterine cancer) and I want to make those changes for myself SO MUCH, if only I could find the energy.

    But it's ok if you need to pause on all the plans and programs and such you have for yourself and just let yourself grieve. In the long run it's more helpful for us to take the time now. Life will still be there, food tracking, etc. to get back to. It SUCKS, and there is no other way to say it. But we are still here and being selfish is the best way to cope right now. Do what YOU need for YOU. I'm only starting to rejoin the world rather than float through it. And I know I'm not fully there yet. And that's ok. You will be ok. <3
  • lisalewis7588
    lisalewis7588 Posts: 76 Member
    I'm so, so sorry for your loss <3 You are not selfish. Take the time you need to grieve your loss - it's okay to not be okay. And don't be hard on yourself - you have lost a very, very important person (she sounds like such an amazing person from your description of her) in your life. Don't expect to just magically have your life return to "normal." You will find a new normal when you are ready. Death of a loved one is not something you get over, it's something you get used to. Remember the good times, and like you said - do enough living for the both of you.

    Do what you can, when you can. Grieving takes a LOT of energy and some days you won't be able to exercise or eat well. And that's okay. Take care of you.

    3 years ago, my 22-year-old brother died in his sleep. Autopsy showed no anatomic cause of death. Sudden death is so, so, so hard. You are strong and you will be okay - even if some days it doesn't feel like it. In time, the zombie feel will start to fade and you will be able to smile and laugh again, I promise. <3

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