Here I Go...
corazombie
Posts: 84 Member
I just reinstalled the app after I gave up on it a few weeks ago. I plan on seeing this through this time around.
Im 30 years old. 6 feet tall and currently just under 300 lbs. I don't know what a realistic weight goal is, since the only point in my life that I wasn't overweight was when I came into this world. If I can get anywhere near 200, I would feel like a total rockstar.
I don't know how much I weighed at my heaviest, I've been terrified of scales since the 5th grade when we all got weighed at school and I had to hide the sheet of paper that said I weighed 188lbs. If I had to guess, at my heaviest I was well over 400 lbs. I had to wear 5x+ shirts and 56 inch waist pants.
Most of my life has been a constant battle with depression and mental issues that I'm sure had alot to do with my weight and self esteem. I knew I had to change something, so I started eating less, but most of the time I was just starving myself out of self loathing. I started losing weight and changed a few other things about my appearance. Then last year I met someone that gave me a new outlook on life. I no longer was depressed and felt better about myself. I now looked forward to a better future with her. Unfortunately, things change and she decided I wasnt what she wanted anymore. Instead of giving up on myself, I want to make myself into the person I have always dreamt of being. Someone that looks in the mirror and doesn't feel disgusted by what they see.
I've been going to the gym 6 times a week for a month now. I do some strength training using the basic machines, because I dont know what to do with free weights, and to be honest, the guys doing all that stuff can be intimidating. Then I do 20 mins on the treadmill, walking 2 mins then jogging 4 and repeating it for the 20 mins. After that I do 10 mins on the elliptical. Thats every day except Sundays. Im down to 298 lbs, wearing 3x shirts (i can probably squeeze into some 2x shirts but my body shape isnt very easy on the eyes) and I'm down to 46 waist pants, sometimes 44.
I wanted to share my story incase anyone is in a similar situation. I still sometimes feel like things are hopeless because life just really kicks you in the *kitten* every now and then. But we're all going through this together and maybe just knowing youre not alone in your struggle, is enough to make a difference in your day. I dont know what happens now, but thank you for taking the time to read this and thank you all for sharing your journey with us who are afraid to reach out.
Also, if you have any advice for me or questions, please let me know.
Im 30 years old. 6 feet tall and currently just under 300 lbs. I don't know what a realistic weight goal is, since the only point in my life that I wasn't overweight was when I came into this world. If I can get anywhere near 200, I would feel like a total rockstar.
I don't know how much I weighed at my heaviest, I've been terrified of scales since the 5th grade when we all got weighed at school and I had to hide the sheet of paper that said I weighed 188lbs. If I had to guess, at my heaviest I was well over 400 lbs. I had to wear 5x+ shirts and 56 inch waist pants.
Most of my life has been a constant battle with depression and mental issues that I'm sure had alot to do with my weight and self esteem. I knew I had to change something, so I started eating less, but most of the time I was just starving myself out of self loathing. I started losing weight and changed a few other things about my appearance. Then last year I met someone that gave me a new outlook on life. I no longer was depressed and felt better about myself. I now looked forward to a better future with her. Unfortunately, things change and she decided I wasnt what she wanted anymore. Instead of giving up on myself, I want to make myself into the person I have always dreamt of being. Someone that looks in the mirror and doesn't feel disgusted by what they see.
I've been going to the gym 6 times a week for a month now. I do some strength training using the basic machines, because I dont know what to do with free weights, and to be honest, the guys doing all that stuff can be intimidating. Then I do 20 mins on the treadmill, walking 2 mins then jogging 4 and repeating it for the 20 mins. After that I do 10 mins on the elliptical. Thats every day except Sundays. Im down to 298 lbs, wearing 3x shirts (i can probably squeeze into some 2x shirts but my body shape isnt very easy on the eyes) and I'm down to 46 waist pants, sometimes 44.
I wanted to share my story incase anyone is in a similar situation. I still sometimes feel like things are hopeless because life just really kicks you in the *kitten* every now and then. But we're all going through this together and maybe just knowing youre not alone in your struggle, is enough to make a difference in your day. I dont know what happens now, but thank you for taking the time to read this and thank you all for sharing your journey with us who are afraid to reach out.
Also, if you have any advice for me or questions, please let me know.
15
Replies
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Thanks for sharing your story! Mine is similar hopefully we become who we know we are inside2
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All the best to you! Poignant description. You're a good writer. The best part is where you say you didn't give up on yourself. Fantastic job so far.2
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Thank you for sharing your story with us - You are doing so incredibly well so far
You seem to know what you're doing and so I have no advice except to say Keep it up and also - don't be afraid to seek out a personal trainer in your gym. They can help you learn the basics of free weights and design routine's specific to you!2 -
Thank you ladies for your kind words. I'm currently in a bit of a funk and your replies brought me back to reality. Although my heart feels heavy, this isnt really weight related so ill spare you the details. Lets keep striving forward to a better tomorrow.2
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Thank you for sharing. You are doing so well. Sounds like you have a good gym routine. I surprised myself by how much I enjoy exercise now, and how much effect it has on my mental health. Doesn't make everything perfect and there are times I still struggle with my anxieties, but it helps. I didn't speak to staff in my gym for ages but when I started to I found them very supportive. Despite this I have had times when I really can't face going through those doors,or the thought of people watching me (I know really they aren't but when my headspace is bad the world is not a friendly space, so I have some alternatives I will do for a couple of times, like good walk/run route where I'm unlikely to meet people I know. Today it was a real challenge getting into the building, but tomorrow will be better. Hope it is for you too.
Feel free to add me if u want
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I think you're doing awesome! I have yet to get over my gym fears, it's really hard to get out my own head sometimes. Keep fighting for yourself. You are 100% worth it! Add me if you'd like1
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Great job on not giving up! So many of us are sad and depressed... You aren't alone! Try and keep positive and focus on the things you have already accomplished and many more to come! You can do this! Also, you might want to check out some of the groups on here and join one... They are super helpful!
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I'm glad I didnt back out on sharing my "mess."
I preferred the solitary life. Sealed away from everyone and everything that I was sure would only judge me for what they saw. All I have to show for it is 30 years of dissapointment and regret.
Knowing I'm not alone in my struggles is giving me the drive I need to just dive right in. I'm tired of living in fear. I dont want to feel embarrassed for someone because they have to walk next to me anymore. Living under this cloud of negativity for so long expecting to be struck by lightning in the form of heartbreak, failure or disappointment, it sucks.
Im thankful for all your kind words. They mean more to me than I can explain in words. Goodluck to all of us. Feel free to add me for whatever reason.0 -
corazombie wrote: »I'm glad I didnt back out on sharing my "mess."
I preferred the solitary life. Sealed away from everyone and everything that I was sure would only judge me for what they saw. All I have to show for it is 30 years of dissapointment and regret.
Knowing I'm not alone in my struggles is giving me the drive I need to just dive right in. I'm tired of living in fear. I dont want to feel embarrassed for someone because they have to walk next to me anymore. Living under this cloud of negativity for so long expecting to be struck by lightning in the form of heartbreak, failure or disappointment, it sucks.
Im thankful for all your kind words. They mean more to me than I can explain in words. Goodluck to all of us. Feel free to add me for whatever reason.
Staying isolated only feeds the negative thoughts you have in your head. Remember you are not those negative thoughts and only you have the power to change the negative thoughts to positive ones. Maybe start with a mantra. This has helped me so much.
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I'll check out this mantra stuff. Thanks.1
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We are just about the same bud. I was 341 dropped down to 305, im also 6' and im wanting to get down to around 225. Also go to the gym 6 days a week. I weight lift every other day, upper body one day and lower body one day. And between weight days i do just cardio. Sent a req0
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We are just about the same bud. I was 341 dropped down to 305, im also 6' and im wanting to get down to around 225. Also go to the gym 6 days a week. I weight lift every other day, upper body one day and lower body one day. And between weight days i do just cardio. Sent a req
Added you bud. What kind of exercises do you do when weight lifting? I want to get off the machines and do free weights but dont know where to even begin...0 -
To be honest man i dont use much free weights either, i use a lot of machines. I use free weights for my arms though and some shoulder stuff. You could always look around on youtube for exercise ideas with free weights0
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On Monday Im going to start one of the dumbbell beginner workouts on this thread
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10332083/which-lifting-program-is-the-best-for-you#latest
I would tag the person that sent me this link but i dont know how. If you read this, thank you so much for sharing this info.
I'm going to be honest with you all, I'm a little scared I'm going to chicken out and not do it. But I'm going to try and go in the morning when there are less people at the gym. Maybe some of you can understand the struggle with self confidence, and for those of you that don't, I dont want to be this way anymore, thats why im here.2 -
Wow awesome effort..... Keep up the good work you are an inspiration to all.0
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This was me, not even at my heaviest...
And right now
I cant wait to see more changes.
Sorry i dont know how to make the pics smaller. Doing this on my phone.1
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