To live with (and accept) Depression.

Writing about this can be very therapeutic for you and at the same time helpful to others thank you for taking time to write it. Your video is really good and it is helpful in knowing many others go thru similar feelings. I go thru days where I feel really good and then twice as many where I just feel down, invisible and not always for a particular reason. For that it is even harder to explain to people for the very few I've tried give responses of why for no reason?!just snap out of it etc. so I tend to avoid others when I feel this way and before I know it it's been days of isolation in a way but am working on it. I get up and keep going,physically but emotionally I've come to terms with the fact that these feelings will come and go just not to let them take over. It's rough to have so many people have high expectations, always feeling like we're gonna let those people down bit also part of me thinks but do they really even care? And trying to stay positive and knowing what we need to do to get healthy but not always having the energy to stay on top of it.but we've made it this far and we're here for a reason so we gotta keep pushing forward.
Anyways I'm rambling on good to know others feel similarly. We can do this. There's always always something to be grateful for and if ever you feel like giving up again look to those things, pray about it and always seek help!

Talking about this can be easier than you think, but also it has surprised me where resistance has come from. I often refer to my darkest times as "when I was really ill" or " when I was bat *kitten* crazy/ off my rocker/ a few sandwiches short of a picnic" etc. Some people find me referring to my mental health that way offensive. But it's my mental health so I'll own it however I want.

When my parents found out how ill I was, they said why didn't I tell them? I pointed out I had been telling them for a while, and my dad said they didn't realise it was different to my usual moaning. So talking about it too much desensitised them to it!

I was offered councelling at uni which meant changing one of my classes to another group. My tutor said if you are so ill you need weekly councelling you shouldn't be here. So I didn't take it. Perhaps of I had, it wouldn't have got as bad as it did. And I did a healthcare course so you would think the tutors would know better.

Later on during my uni course I talked about my own mental health to example the work we were doing and I was advised I shouldn't mention to other people about my issues. Yet they wanted to invite 'service users' to come in and tell their stories. I felt like that promoted an us and them attitude between professional and clients.

I do try and talk openly when it is the topic of conversation, to help others feel more comfortable with it. I don't give too many specifics though. There are some things people don't want/need to know.

Medication made a massive difference to me and they should not be something to avoid as such. But used as a tool to recovery rather than a sticking plaster ( if that makes sense).

wow... thank you so much for posting and for sharing. I will be coming back to this. I am at a low low point right now... many things building up and I'm finding myself shutting down. I also often get anxiety and keep waking up in the early hours with my mind all active with fears, issues and problems.

When I am at a low low point, I often tell myself " I CAN do this or it will be ok etc " but the feel good feeling only lasts maybe an hour then I'm back down again, it's like a big heavy blanket on my shoulders, weighs me down and that I try so hard to shrug off and sometimes I do but then it's back on again very quickly. Like after a good workout I feel GOOD and then I come down and it's all poopy again. UGH

I am one of those people who find it really really hard to talk to people face to face about my feelings, emotions and issues. Typing it out here is easier. I don't really have any close friends. I have a partner but I find it hard to talk to him. That's another story. I have never spoken to a 'professional' and couldn't afford it even if I wanted to.

I want to learn how to meditate but I find it really hard to tell my brain to shut the hell up or even pay attention to what is happening. I find it very hard to focus and concentrate.

Any meditations tips/recs???

Thanks sorauren. I will look at that. I think it will help me a lot.

Great self marketing post...

OP you're not alone.

The friend thing... it's the big thing for me. I lost all my friends from depression after my divorce when I was 23 - I guess I didn't have the real thing because they all ran away instead of helping me. The result now is that I feel like I have no one to talk to. I FINALLY after 15 years have a couple people I actually care about and I'm just hiding my feelings so they don't run away too... which definitely doesn't make it easier, when one of your depression issues is feeling lonely and not having any real friend (and no family I can count on).

So yeah.. you're not alone. Like one of my friend has been telling me... one day at a time.

Anton, you are courageous to write and speak about this! You are definitely not alone. I am in my early 50s and have felt the same off and on throughout my life. You are young and will realize it's a lifelong journey of self discovery and of ups and downs. Be strong! You risk losing "friends" when you speak about it. But it's better not to keep it all inside.
About me: I am an introvert, loner, only child. I have failed at all relationships. I am alone now except for my elderly mother. I recently moved in with her to take care of her. No friends and no other family. I am depressed most days and know that once my mother passes, I will be completely alone. To be honest, that may be it for me. I'm using MFP to restrict my calories and then slowly waste away and disappear. I am only living for my mother because she needs me. Then I will pass away. I haven't shared this with anyone or even written it down. Your post gave me the courage to put it in writing. Thanks. I hope your life will be better than mine. Stay strong.