Bringing up Stepkids

Bloodhound2
Bloodhound2 Posts: 10
edited September 29 in Chit-Chat
My step kids were a treasure to raise, but I've heard many stories that contradict this. Any one got any step kid experiences?

Replies

  • aa1440
    aa1440 Posts: 956 Member
    I raised my step son just like he was my own. I too was a step child. I wouldn't want anyone to go through that. Living your whole life feeling like the number 2 child. My sister was not a stepchild. She got everything she asked for.
  • NikkisNewStart
    NikkisNewStart Posts: 1,075 Member
    My stepdaughter is awesome... but looking forward to the other responses... :laugh:
  • nmescalera
    nmescalera Posts: 233 Member
    Cant really say to much about this.... I'm a step mom to 2. One is 23 and the other is 21. They dont like me or talk to me because well.... im 24 and married their dad. They are not comfortable with it.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    I think encouraging people to rag on their stepchildren (even if they misbehave) is such a horrible idea. These are children that come from broken homes and for one reason or another their lives seem to be falling apart and are in constant chaos. Maybe instead we should share stories about wonderful stepchildren or how empathy and patience have helped to further a relationship. Something positive. Anything positive.
  • NikkisNewStart
    NikkisNewStart Posts: 1,075 Member
    Cant really say to much about this.... I'm a step mom to 2. One is 23 and the other is 21. They dont like me or talk to me because well.... im 24 and married their dad. They are not comfortable with it.

    That's too bad. and unfortunate they feel that way. I think a lot has to do with the age of the kids when the stepparent comes into the picture. My stepdaughter was only 4 and my daughters were 4 and 1 when my husband and I married (we now have 2 more children)... so it's like we've always been there for them and they don't remember it any other way.

    The only steps here are the ones leading upstairs. Everyone is treated the same and for that I am grateful!
  • NikkisNewStart
    NikkisNewStart Posts: 1,075 Member
    IThese are children that come from broken homes and for one reason or another their lives seem to be falling apart and are in constant chaos.

    This doesn't apply to my home and doesn't apply to me either as I am a stepchild as well.
  • aa1440
    aa1440 Posts: 956 Member
    A positive.

    I was a stepchild and joined the military and fought for our country.

    Now I am a police officer and fight for the rights of everyone everyday.

    I have a stepson who works at a golf course in Myrtle Beach. He is the assistant to the boss.

    I think we turned out pretty good.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    IThese are children that come from broken homes and for one reason or another their lives seem to be falling apart and are in constant chaos.

    This doesn't apply to my home and doesn't apply to me either as I am a stepchild as well.

    Yeah, and you don't have a horrible story to share, so I guess you're not part of the group of stepchild horror stories I was referencing.

    It's fantastic though! Experiences like that tend to be a minority.
  • NikkisNewStart
    NikkisNewStart Posts: 1,075 Member
    I will add a funny story though... when we FIRST started dating... we went to going away party for a trip my husband was going to take with some students (he's an administrator in a high school) and we had my stepdaughter there. My husband was giving a speech and she was like... I gotta go potty!!! So I rushed her to the bathroom and inches in front of the stall she pee'd like a racehorse all over the place. Being a mom already I knew what to do and sprang into action... grabbed her some clean clothes from the truck and about a zillion paper towels to clean it up... about 20 minutes later we finally appeared from the bathroom and my now husband was like "welcome to the family!" :laugh: :laugh: We've had some big whoppers with the kids... like my son pouring out my coffeemate powder all over the carpet today thinking he was making a "cake"... silly 2 year old. Kids are great and I love all of mine to pieces!
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    like my son pouring out my coffeemate powder all over the carpet today thinking he was making a "cake"... silly 2 year old. Kids are great and I love all of mine to pieces!

    Ahahahaha, that's awesome! I did that with my mums shampoo, conditioner and baby powder once XD
  • sandra400
    sandra400 Posts: 51 Member
    i personally believe "step anything" should be erased from our vocabulary. i am that mom 2 two great kids who i accepted as my own
    and i believe bcz i accepted them they accepted me not to say that there were not rocky times but i always called them my son and daughter and truly meant it from the core of my being. and still do. i have
  • sandra400
    sandra400 Posts: 51 Member
    i personally believe "step anything" should be erased from our vocabulary. i am that mom 2 two great kids who i accepted as my own
    and i believe bcz i accepted them they accepted me not to say that there were not rocky times but i always called them my son and daughter and truly meant it from the core of my being. and still do. i have 6 wonderful grandkids and they love me for being their gma.
  • TheMrsBee
    TheMrsBee Posts: 226 Member
    I'm a step child (or at least i was - i'm 25 and married now) but i was 12-13 when my dad started dating this lady and about a year or 2 later she moved in with me and my brother (who was 10-11) with her daughter (who was 8-9) (who the father - her husband walked out on them when she was 6 months old) we all moved inbtogether, and i have to admit that i HATED her, i hated someone else taking the attention of my dad away from me when i was so used to clicking my fingers and my dad come running! But it got easier and in time we all got along and me and my brother started calling her mum and my (step) sister asked me if she could call my dad dad too, to which i said yes. We don't call our selves a step family and my mum calls us her children without the stretch marks! My "real" mum is a complete phsyco and i haven't spoken to her in many years (my own choice) my (step) mum as always encouraged us (me and my bro) to be involved with her (it's a huge long story) but i chose not to but my brother does now and then - mainly as we have a half brother who is now 5 years old i think.

    Step families can work, sometimes it takes longer than others. I feel sad that other step families can't be happy too.
  • NikkisNewStart
    NikkisNewStart Posts: 1,075 Member
    i personally believe "step anything" should be erased from our vocabulary.

    AMEN to that! My signature says Mom to 5 and I always say I have 5 children and so does my husband. That includes all of our children, whether they share our DNA or not. We love them the same and raise them the same. It blows my mind how anyone could treat a child differently or hold a 'grudge' against them because they were born from a different parent... I just don't get it... but, we can only raise ours how we do and hopefully others will see it and think twice about mistreating theirs.
  • JeninBelgium
    JeninBelgium Posts: 804 Member
    I think a lot depends on the age of the children (I totally get why a 23 year old is not completely comfortable with a 24 yo step- parent, but suppose that will change with time) and also the circumstances- if the child is close to their other biological parent, it could be tough to feel like you are "betraying" that parent

    I have a step dad who will always be a stepdad and not a dad, but then again, he married my mom when I was in my 20s thus a totally different circumstance. I think if the step parent is truly a good, loving person, who tries their best to be fair and kind to the child, then eventually, and it may take years, their love and acceptance will be returned

    now if you want a fictional step- family situation- lets discuss the Brady Bunch- ok we know that the mother of the boys died- one of the sons puts her picture in the drawer and she is never mentioned again. what is up with that? and for the girls it is not really mentioned that i can recall-? how weird!
  • Swissmiss
    Swissmiss Posts: 8,754 Member
    Real life can not be compared to the Brady Bunch. Wish it could be so, though. I have four steps. They are all grown up and in college. We do not get along so we just try to not get into each other's way. One of them has thrown a fit in our house, calling me horrible names simply because she didn't want her dad to re-marry. Remember...this is a 25 year old woman who can't accept her parent's divorce. She has gone so far as to take her stepfather's name as her own so she will not be connected with her own father. Sad.
  • Bloodhound2
    Bloodhound2 Posts: 10
    I have a step daughter, she's an adult now, but when I first met her she was14. She spent holidays with us and we took her to the USA (my idea). We got on brilliantly, even though I was only about 10 years her senior. We were like sisters always laughing and joking. But she never actually lived with us. It's harder sometimes for children, especially teenagers to show respect and take advice etc from an authoritive figure that has moved into a household, when it's used to a natural parent. Especially when that child has lost its parent/s or the child never see's a parent for one reason or another.
  • PA21
    PA21 Posts: 95 Member
    All of life has positive and negative aspects, with Step-parenting it's unfortunate that most of the media/public at large focus on the negative but I think that is changing (as society is changing too).
    I have two "step" sons (what a weird phrase)! I am not married to their father but we have lived together for 2 years. 2 long, very great years. The boys are 13 and 15. It was difficult at first, but now I would say that we are quite happy. I just never pushed myself on them and never made them do anything that was out of their zone of comfort. Sure, they had to respect the home and each other, but over and above that I felt that if we were going to be "buddies" I couldn't push and didn't want them to push back. 2 years later I just wrote the younger son a letter for his 13th birthday in which I told him in a non direct way that I loved him too, and that I'm so happy I chose to be in their lives, even though they didn't choose me. Because of their age and the fact that they are boys, I never once tried to get a hug out of them or be overly loving, it didn't make sense either to discipline them (I think that should fall solely on my partner's shoulders, since he is the bio dad). I do keep them in line, however like I said I think it's more of a respect thing. I always listen to them and I make *sure* they get a lot of time alone with their father.
    On another note relating to this website, they seem to have copped on to this whole "gym" thing and I'm so excited because the boys will go with me, making it an activity we do together! Makes me feel special that I can offer them a healthy alternative to our usual boyz club of a house (video games, comedies, food that teenage boys like, etc).
    There is a GREAT book I read called A Single Girl's Guide to Marrying your Man, His kids, and His ex-wife. Also a wonderful podcast I listen to while I clean is The Stepmom's Toolbox. Both are great and I highly recommend them.
  • Swissmiss
    Swissmiss Posts: 8,754 Member
    I love hearing the positive atitudes that are coming through. Especially your's PA21. I think that a lot depends on how the biological parent is handling it. If the children are taught to have respect for their parent's spouse then it certainly would be easier. We, however do not have this in our household. The children that I gave birth to and are still living with me have been taught that their step-father is to be respected and obeyed. This makes it easier for my husband and my kids have learned to repect their elders.
  • Swissmiss
    Swissmiss Posts: 8,754 Member
    Ok, husband had a night out with two of his kids. Now he is treating me bad. This always happens after he has time with his kids. It is like I am being blamed for him not seeing his kids often. I am certainly not the cause of all this. His ex left him and their divorce was final long before I even met him. So, why am I getting the crap from it??? No sence trying to talk to him...that doesn't work. Oh my, I am making this thread a complaining area. Sorry.
  • PA21
    PA21 Posts: 95 Member
    I love hearing the positive atitudes that are coming through. Especially your's PA21. I think that a lot depends on how the biological parent is handling it. If the children are taught to have respect for their parent's spouse then it certainly would be easier. We, however do not have this in our household. The children that I gave birth to and are still living with me have been taught that their step-father is to be respected and obeyed. This makes it easier for my husband and my kids have learned to repect their elders.

    Uhhh slow down the train a tad... my BF isn't a great disciplinarian and I won't get into it here- but basically he has a lot of guilty Dad stuff going on. I don't discipline (except to say "pick up your towels off the floor") and the few times he has had to "lay down the law" it has been not the way I would have, but I was raised COMPLETELY differently from these guys. It's that understanding and letting go of what *I* think is right (ego) that I think has led us to a great place.
    When I say "respect" I'm talking mutual respect coming from both sides. I respect them, don't ask what I know is out of their realm, and keep it light. When it is time to get to business we seem to have a good thing going. So respecting elders is one thing, but I think mutual respect we have for each other and as a family is far more important.
    That and I introduced them to Adam Sandler movies and quesadillas, which is basically cheating my way into their hearts. :laugh:
  • Leothelioness
    Leothelioness Posts: 13
    I have a step daughter, she's an adult now, but when I first met her she was14. She spent holidays with us and we took her to the USA (my idea). We got on brilliantly, even though I was only about 10 years her senior. We were like sisters always laughing and joking. But she never actually lived with us. It's harder sometimes for children, especially teenagers to show respect and take advice etc from an authoritive figure that has moved into a household, when it's used to a natural parent. Especially when that child has lost its parent/s or the child never see's a parent for one reason or another.

    That's quite similar to me, except mine lived with us for a few years. She was difficult at first, but soon came to respect me, because I never tried to be her mother. I just supported her and gave her guidance when she needed it. She's 35 now and has a life of her own, many miles away.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    I still hang out regularly and frequently with my stepkids - 3+ years after their dad and I split up. I love them. I feel so lucky to have been a part of their lives. Seriously. I've known them since they were 6 and 9. They're like 17 and 20 now.
  • Swissmiss
    Swissmiss Posts: 8,754 Member
    All I can say is that it is wonderful that all of you have such positive relationships with your steps. I truly can not because my husband has done nothing to make it happen. In fact, he allows his kids to try to sabatage it. I know that you all will think me cold hearted and a mean mother, or something to that effect. But, unless you have actually seen what is going on here, then you don't realize that not all situations are great.
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