what do you do with discouraging comments?

enidite · October 2016

Hi, I have not posted here , but today I have a question for all you successful people out there. My weight loss journey has been going slow but steady. I had backslidden and gained some back, but I am back in Onderland and have lost a total of 75 lbs with 65 to go. I don't advertise my weight loss at work, but when I am asked, I answer questions. I have a colleague who asked me what my goal is and I told him 135 lbs, which I feel is reasonable for my height (I'm 5'4"). He told me I won't make that , I'll probably stall at around 170 and that's it. I kind of felt frustrated especially because I am so afraid to put the weight back on. Last year, the same colleague had told me, I probably have lost all the weight I could, because my body was used to the higher weight and has now a higher set point. I'm not sure why he says things like that, I don't think he has ill intentions, but I really don't know how to deal with such comments. They really demoralize me especially because this journey has not been easy for me. Sometimes it's been a daily struggle to learn this new life style. I try to think of all the people here that have achieved amazing results and I try to think " why shouldn't I be able to reach such a goal even at 52?" But comments like that make me doubt that I'll ever get there.

jennifer_417 · October 2016

People say things like that because they've convinced themselves that they're true...usually in reaction to their own or other's failures.

StealthHealth · October 2016

I guess this isn't all that helpful for your current situation but generally I don't discuss my goals with anyone. I'd rather not deal with any potential negativity and I can live without any potential "good for you!" type comments. If asked I'm as vague as possible... "I'd just like to be as healthy as possible" or "I'm just eating well and seeing what happens".

PennWalker · October 2016

I've found the best thing to do is not offer information to people other than your doctor, significant other, etc. You don't need to explain yourself to people who just have an idle interest. Everybody has an opinion and if you open the door everybody will tell you what you should do.

It sounds like this guy is putting you down on purpose. It's hard because you want to get along with people at work. I would wave my hand and say "enough" and go back to work.

In general, if somebody asks me what my goal is, I just say to be healthy and my weight goals are up to me and my doctor, thanks for asking, than change the subject.

cmriverside · October 2016

"Really, Jim? Really, is is appropriate work conversation to discuss womens' bodies? Or anyone's body?"

fitoverfortymom · October 2016

I haven't lost enough for anyone to notice, but I have a few coworkers who might make comments like this. I figure I'll just tell them that I have a number in mind, but right now I'm just working on myself day-to-day. The *real* me wants to tell that coworker to shove their insensitivity up their *kitten*.

YvetteK2015 · October 2016

If someone said that to me, I would just smile at them and say "It's ok for you to think that", and just walk away. The only person that matters here is you. And basically you are saying F U with a smile. Don't give him anymore thought. What a jerk.

c50blvdbabe · October 2016

I am hoping this is just his "ignorance" showing and hes not being malicious. At any rate, I would let him know that while you are aware of his opinion, you do not feel it necessary to discuss your weight loss with him. It's a private matter. If that doesn't work, try to avoid any situation that would warrant this personal conversation.

exstromn · October 2016

I have found that most people who react negatively are doing it for two reasons, 1. they are projecting their own failures on you often without realizing it, or 2) they have a real concern out of love. You will know the difference. One cuts you down and the other will try to build you up. The only way to combat this negativity is either let it roll off your back or take it with a grain of salt. Find like minded people like yourself who will build you up and support you. As long as you are managing your weight loss in a healthy and safe way, you have NOTHING to EVER feel bad about because of somebody's insensitive comment. Grow a tough skin, it will serve you well. Good luck! - Nancy

besaro · October 2016

i typically just shrug. they have no idea what I'm capable of. I mean really, a co-worker? pfft. they have no idea who I am.

Skyblueyellow · October 2016

I find it really inappropriate for a co-worker to even ask you what your goals are. When it comes to other people's bodies commentary is not necessary unless you are my doctor.

Honestly, I would tell him that you aren't interested in discussing your personal goals while at work.

cathipa · October 2016

Just curious if he can see into the future what are the winning Powerball numbers. Seriously what a jerk. Ignore the haters. If you have lost 75 pounds there is no reason you can't get to your goal unless you chose not to. Best of luck to you.

zyxst · October 2016

"F*** off" works every time.

kgirlhart · October 2016

zyxst wrote: »

"F*** off" works every time.

This.

I never told anyone my goal except my husband and my doctor. I did tell a few close friends and my sisters that my goal was "the middle of my healthy weight range" but I never mentioned what that range was and I only told them when I was specifically asked and because it was someone I was close to. I would not discuss it with coworkers, especially with someone who had been discouraging in the past. At 5'4" there is no reason you shouldn't be able to hit your goal of 135. I'm about a quarter inch taller than you and I had the same goal and I reached it in July. If I can do it if know you can too.

blackchick46 · October 2016

i agree with all the above

Hmeek22 · October 2016

I agree with all of the above it is none of his business. But hey, maybe instead of letting him get to you, give him a swift kick in the teeth and prove him wrong. We are all with you on this journey, I sometimes think my height/weight goals seem unreachable but I'm still aiming for them! Good luck!

jemhh · October 2016

enidite wrote: »

Hi, I have not posted here , but today I have a question for all you successful people out there. My weight loss journey has been going slow but steady. I had backslidden and gained some back, but I am back in Onderland and have lost a total of 75 lbs with 65 to go. I don't advertise my weight loss at work, but when I am asked, I answer questions. I have a colleague who asked me what my goal is and I told him 135 lbs, which I feel is reasonable for my height (I'm 5'4"). He told me I won't make that , I'll probably stall at around 170 and that's it. I kind of felt frustrated especially because I am so afraid to put the weight back on. Last year, the same colleague had told me, I probably have lost all the weight I could, because my body was used to the higher weight and has now a higher set point. I'm not sure why he says things like that, I don't think he has ill intentions, but I really don't know how to deal with such comments. They really demoralize me especially because this journey has not been easy for me. Sometimes it's been a daily struggle to learn this new life style. I try to think of all the people here that have achieved amazing results and I try to think " why shouldn't I be able to reach such a goal even at 52?" But comments like that make me doubt that I'll ever get there.

Since you know what kind of comment he tends to make, if he asks again about your weight loss, say either "I'm not up for discussing this with you" or "Discussing my weight loss with you is not a productive use of my time." Either one gets the point across.

pedermj2002 · October 2016

I've discovered a powerful phrase that I use when I catch myself thinking or moving in a direction I don't like. For instance, when I'm biking up a hill, the next plateau is only 50 or so feet away, and a lot of my body is saying "just stop for a few minutes, it'll be okay." Whenever I catch myself letting myself slip in that direction, I just say my new phrase, and it lets me surmount the obstacles.

In this case, it sounds like your coworker is trying to be an obstacle. I'd like to offer up my phrase which you can either say out loud, or just say in your own mind. Either way works, really. It's just important to believe it.

Oh, yeah, I suppose I should share my phrase. It's rather crude, but it works.

"*kitten* that *kitten*." (or, since MFP censors such words, distinct clues here: "F* that S*"

My surrendering to that hill is just crap. Just like his comments to you. So, smile ever so sweetly, let your "*kitten* that *kitten*," and put him and his negativity behind you.

At least, if it works as well for you as it does for me, anyway

Joyjas · October 2016

He doesn't know what he is talking about. His opinions are just that - opinions. They are not based in medical or scientific fact. In fact his statements are idiotic - look at all the success stories on here where people have been extremely overweight for years and lost it! If you don't mind be confrontational the next time he makes a comment like that respond something like "actually there is no medical research to support that statement". Or "where did you get that information from because I would like to read more up on that". Don't let know it all idiots get you down. You should be super proud of the 75 pounds you have already lost!

jarablue · October 2016

Just look at him and say "How quaint" then "excuse me".

lorrpb · October 2016

Most people are uninformed about weight loss and perhaps have failed themselves, so they're just talking. There is no reason to take their comments seriously.

Alassonde · October 2016

My mom likes to say things like that because it makes her feel better about her own inability to lose weight. She's convinced herself that it's "impossible" to lose weight when you're older and will constantly tell me that.

SeptemberFeyre · October 2016

I would laugh it off and say, "Wow, thanks for the encouragement." Good ole sarcasm.

solieco1 · October 2016

I usually turn the conversation to the other person. "thanks for asking and I'm just going to keep working at it. How are you? Do you have any fitness/health goals?" I find people love to talk about themselves

billglitch · October 2016

We have all had those few that for some reason want to put us down or keep us down. Ignore all of the naysayers. Do what you need to do for yourself. I say *kitten* them

PennWalker · October 2016

These phrases work (especially with a glare) and are G-rated so you can say them in the office. They work best if you say nothing else (no explaining).

Stop it!
Knock it off!
Enough!

bkbirge · October 2016

The guy is trying to tell you the ocean is purple. You KNOW you can reach your goals, the evidence is all over this site. I'll take the advice from a group that has walked the walk over random musings from a coworker, no matter how well intentioned he may be. When you do hit your goals and he inevitably hits on you, then just tell him you only date fit people.

ChristineE63 · October 2016

Use one of my mantras "tell me I can't and I will show you I can"

MJFSH · October 2016

i haven't read all the comments above, but the one immediately above is my real mantra. Hearing it from anyone that it's not doable, you can't do, not your body type or whatever negative they had to say sounded to me like i was challenged to prove them wrong, to show that once you set your mind on something, nothing can stop you.
i have researched, done trial and errors with workouts and nutrition, improved and prepared myself mentally to overcome all the roadblocks and get where i want to be. not there yet, but am on my way!

ashcky · October 2016

I haven't told anyone my goal weight because I know they will tell me I'll be too skinny. So I just say that I'm taking it a little at a time and do not really have a specific goal I will know when I get there.

elisa123gal · October 2016

The thing is this. You can lose your weight. And you will..obviously you've done a great job. That co worker guy has a rotten personality and is negative. That is impossible to fix.

what do you do with discouraging comments?

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