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Unsupportive husband, beer, and willpower--oh my!

maddyk91
maddyk91 Posts: 193 Member
edited December 2024 in Motivation and Support
Hi everyone!

I am back after two years of maintaining my weight. However, this past summer i was slammed with my wedding and a cross country move! Now, I find myself as a housewife--currently unemployed and in a slump.

I really, really need support and encouragement this time around, and I don't know where to find it.

My husband and I are big beer drinkers (and home brewers!) and I've gotten to a point where I have a hard time saying no to the end-of-the-day beer or two. (200-600 extra calories! yikes....) We also go out to dinner a lot, which definitely doesn't help.

I feel exhausted because I have been expressing desire to lose weight for months, and my husband (who is naturally very, very thin to underweight) is supportive for a day or two, but then just...forgets...and comes home with a case of beer and suggests we go to a greasy burger place down the street. I don't know how to say no.

I think just in the past month alone, I have put on 10-15 pounds. It's so flipping shameful.

I've lost control.

So I am back. With less willpower than ever. I don't even know how to start.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest! I just needed to shout into a space where other people understand.

Replies

  • NorthCascades
    NorthCascades Posts: 10,968 Member
    Start saying no. Old habits die hard but it will get easier as time goes by. Nothing to it but to do it.
  • Grammytryingtogetfit
    Grammytryingtogetfit Posts: 672 Member
    Totally understand the beer drinking, it's hard. I work in construction and would drink with the guys after work, go home drink more and have a very unhealthy dinner. I just finally told myself that I have to loose this weight, eat healthier if I wanted to live longer. - I still have about 2-3 beers in the evening, but counting the calories really helps. ( I was not the healthiest of eaters to begin with). You can do this, just set your mind to do it and get it done!!! - My mantra, so to speak...... :)
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
    Some people need to be told the same thing multiple times for it to stick, so keep saying it. I'd also point out that since you're smaller than he is, and a woman, you simply can't eat or drink the same amount of calories he can and stay thin. You also need to realize that you can still enjoy doing those things with him as long as you make some modifications. The one really important thing you need to figure out right now is not only how to eat to lose weight but how to maintain your goal weight. Even if you can figure out how to cut calories now to reach your goal if you don't figure out a way to continue to enjoy the things you like while keeping at maintenance calories you're going to end up putting the weight right back on.

    Some of the compromises you might make are to have one beer or even a half of one and give him the rest. You still get to taste it and enjoy it without the extra calories. In addition, your liver will thank you. :)

    There's nothing wrong with eating out as long as you're smart about what you're eating. Do some research on the menu in advance and find things that fit your calories. If you want a burger, order the smallest one. Order it without a bun and without cheese. Skip the mayo or sauces. I can get a low carb style turkey burger, no mayo, at Carl's Jr and it's 175 calories. I have no trouble fitting that into my day.
  • maddyk91
    maddyk91 Posts: 193 Member
    Thank you all for the kind words! It's nice hearing from other people who "get it"! I will start saying no to more than one beer, having my husband pick up fast food on the way home, and so on. :smile:

    I really hope I can make this work and stick with it. I just hate failing myself and feeling badly about my body.
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
    Just don't get mad at the poor guy for your inability to say no. That's not fair.
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,179 Member
    Tell him you are going to take your health seriously and that while you recognize he can eat more than you, you're not going to try to keep up with him.
  • sllm1
    sllm1 Posts: 2,130 Member
    Order something different at the greasy burger joint? Do they have chicken? Or a smaller burger?
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    edited October 2016
    To me this is not all or nothing. unless this is the new you "non beer drinker"...

    Your profile caption says it well.. you are naturally a beer drinker and this is not just because of your husband. You need to decide on what you want to do with your beer drinking nights, weekends. Perhaps only drink on weekends, or cut down during the week.. Perhaps the nights out for the burger can be once a week too.. Cook for the both of you prepare foods so that no one can bring stuff home from fast food restaurants at the spare of the moment.

    Don't have to cut it all out, find a way to make it work. If you want to quit drinking for weight loss, just know when you start back up those pounds will come right back on.. find the sweet spot..or quit it all together.. just my two cents worth.. I do hope all works out well! :)

  • maddyk91
    maddyk91 Posts: 193 Member
    sllm1 wrote: »
    Order something different at the greasy burger joint? Do they have chicken? Or a smaller burger?

    i'm a vegetarian, so i do the best i can. that wasn't the point though, i don't only eat burgers!
  • maddyk91
    maddyk91 Posts: 193 Member
    Hi! i don't mean to put all the blame on my husband, sorry for coming off that way. i just mean that i am having a hard time because i am doing this alone, and don't feel supported in general, so i am reaching out to a community to receive support. :(
  • maddyk91
    maddyk91 Posts: 193 Member
    edited October 2016
    Chef_Barbell wrote: »
    Just don't get mad at the poor guy for your inability to say no. That's not fair.


    i'm not doing that, i hope it didn't come off that i am being mean to him because of my desire to lose weight!
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    You really do just have to continue saying no, no thanks, not tonight, no dear, etc. After a certain point he will not ask. (Note: do not then get upset when he doesn't offer the bigger beer or greasy treat or whatever it is he wants to eat.) The more you give in and eat/drink the excess calories, the more you train him to keep asking. That's not being unsupportive, it's him doing what you have shown him you like to do.
  • middlehaitch
    middlehaitch Posts: 8,488 Member
    My SO is twice my size and we both love craft beer. I decided a few years ago that my first beer would be a good craft beer, that is when the taste buds apreciate it most, then I would switch to a light beer.
    Either a published light like Stella light, or a beer with 4% alcohol.
    That helps keep the calories down, keeps me upright, satisfies my taste buds, and I don't feel as though I am missing out (too much).

    For food. You say you are home all day. Start cooking. That way you have control. Find a recipe that you like then text your SO letting him know this is the plan for dinner. Shop, then cook.

    If you feel like you are missing the social aspect of meeting up with friends, invite them over. You provide the food they the beer- or an any arrangement that works for you.

    This works great in the summer when you can grill ( everyone brings their own), and great in the winter when you can put together a low cost casserole, curry, pasta dish, or stew with others bringing the sides.

    Cheers, h.
  • kgirlhart
    kgirlhart Posts: 5,231 Member
    Definitely figure out a way to work the beer and the eating out into your daily/weekly goal. I usually eat a lighter breakfast and lunch and save most of my calories for the evening. We eat out a lot and it is possible to eat out and lose weight. I do think that since you are home all day that cooking meals at home is a good idea. I personally think that part of the reason that I started to gain weight when I got married is because I started eating and drinking like my husband. My husband needs about 900 - 1000 calories more per day than I do. I can eat and drink the same things he does but just not the same portion sizes. If you start working on moderating your portions then you will get to wear you can stick to your goals and enjoy it too.
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