The Stresses of Life

jessdeweerdt · July 2011

My husband is having a major back surgery at the end of this month (July 27th). On a good day, a rational day, he knows that he needs the surgery or he risks being paralyzed. That his life of chronic pain will not change unless he changes it. On the majority of days he is completely beside himself with fear. He is in crisis mode. He believes the surgery is controversial and that he may die in surgery (both are extremely unlikely). With 2 weeks to go, he's had feelings that he would rather be dead than have to go through it, he's talked about moving out because he thinks I deserve someone better than him, he is often hurtful. His doctor has prescribed a medication much like Valium.. which does alleviate a lot of his anxiety.. but it leaves him completely drugged up, he's loopy, he acts crazy, then he crashes for several hours. I don't know which is worse. I am trying to maintain a sense of normalcy amidst the chaos. We still have to keep living up until surgery (and even after surgery lol). My question is.. how do you keep up with your own goals, of weight loss, of eating healthy, of exercising when the World is practically crashing over you?? Exercising always makes me feel so much better.. it's a physical release to all the emotional junk.. finding the time to do it is something else. The eating healthy is so much harder.. as that takes time and energy too. This is life, it's full of "stuff", how do you work around it??

TripleJ3 · July 2011

I can't control whats going on around me, but I do have control over what and how much I eat. Even while you are sitting in a hospital all day while he is having surgery, you can choose the better options, bring your own lunch and choose how much.

It actually helps me feel more in control of my life when I stay on track. If I can do this, then surely I can do that mentality. Good luck to you and your husband!!

reddcat · July 2011

"just keep swimming....just keep swimming" .... To answer your question, sometimes you don't and that is ok. You have to go into self-preservation mode. Do what you need to do to get through. On a side note, I bet your hubby really needs you to bring your A game right now since he is falling down. You both WILL get through this. Will be sending you good thoughts and hope the 27th comes and goes quickly!

silvafan · July 2011

We all ask that question, I think you just get to a point where you make time. That might mean you get up earlier in the morning or workout later in the evening or you incorporate your workout within your daily routine. You just have to make time & make it work. People make time to go to work or take their kids to school or go grocery shopping, etc... you just have to make the time after a while it becomes routine. I guess that's what makes it a lifestyle change. Good luck to your husband, I pray his surgery goes well and helps with the anxiety too. Hang in there and stay strong.

morrisca · July 2011

This is something I really struggle with too. I've gained roughly 20 lbs over the last year and a lot of that has been due to chaos and uncertainty in my life. I'm with you that I feel a lot better when I work out - my problem is remembering that after a stressful day at work. Oftentimes I don't want to go if I'm not feeling good and running off endorphins because I don't feel energized, but the workout makes me feel much better.

The eating is a whole other subject - and one I have yet to conquer. I'm not much of a drinker and so I rely heavily on "Comfort food". A bad day can set me back 1,000 calories worth of junk. The problem is that while that temporarily makes things better (when has a brownie not brought a little joy to your life?!) but in the end it just contributes to me getting fatter which definitely makes my self-esteem sink.

I've had pretty low self esteem over the last year and I frequently think it's a case of chicken and egg. Do I have low esteem because I don't like the way I look or have I let myself go so severely because I have low self-esteem?Trust me, your husband is so lucky to have you to go through this journey with. I can't even imagine how scary that must be. The comments of moving out are surely hurtful but I know from experience sometimes people push you away because they are afraid to let you see them at their weakest or because they are afraid you are going to be let down and leave anyways. Reminding your husband constantly (as I'm sure you are doing) that you are on this road together and always will be is important.

Does his condition prevent any type of exercise? Even just walking around the neighborhood after dinner might get those endorphins going a bit. For me, I'm finding activities I enjoy doing by myself helps. Even though I am very much a people person, I think not being right with myself affects those relationships. So I'm working on becoming happier with myself and learning to enjoy spending time alone writing, reading, exercising, etc. Maybe the pressure to "live it up while you still can" before the surgery is actually having a negative effect on him?

I don't know how much any of this helps but I do wish you and your husband the best with the surgery. It can be as hard to be the care giver as it is to be the patient so don't forget to make some time for yourself too!

jvreedy · July 2011

Hi
My name is Jory. I just read your post and wow you both are going through a lot. I work in healthcare and most recently I worked on the floor where I would see patients coming in after back surgery. So I didn't see what went on before. The meds they are giving him hopefully will continue to help but what about you. Yes this is very serious but don't forget to take care of yourself.

All I can say is take it one day at a time. Take long walks(weather permitting)Meditate/watch a good movie

The Stresses of Life

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