Faux Support

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Thriceshy
Thriceshy Posts: 707 Member
in Motivation and Support
So I have this female person in my life, right? Whenever I mention that I'm losing weight or that my A1c is down, she gets this tight, almost rictus-like smile and said, "That's nice--I'm happy for you." Yet she spends more time than can possibly be healthy for her trying to convince me that I'm miserable. "Don't you feel angry? Don't you feel so cheated? Don't you just want to DIE rather than spend your life not being able to eat everything you want whenever you want?" I describe lower carb and calorie foods and she grimaces and curls her upper lip lke I'm talking about baked potato BUGS instead of potatoes. I talk about my lower carb/calorie bread (which she used to like before she was told it was "diet") and she says, "Ew, that cardboard crap?" I talk about having boneless ribs, and she says my meals aren't even worth eating if I can't have a dozen ribs and some horrifically fatty dessert to go with it. I talk about homemade tacos with wonderful, lower-carb chili beans, and she says she can't imagine even bothering if there aren't refried beans and "mountains" of Spanish rice. Like gluttony is something to strive for.

Anyone else have a not-so-supportive person in your life pretending to be rooting for you?

Kris
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Replies

  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,130 Member
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    wow. She sounds like someone you should unfriend.
  • dedpetal
    dedpetal Posts: 6 Member
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    that's a real drag. I can't say there is anyone like that in my life, thankfully. I've been the rock for my mom who is currently down 40 pounds (go mom!!!), I couldn't imagine saying anything negative to her like that that might derail her efforts. That is definitely not a friend, do not listen to a word she says!!!!!!
  • mnec2010
    mnec2010 Posts: 132 Member
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    One word....jealous!

    I have a friend like that as well. Not just in terms of weight loss, but she cant be happy for me about ANYTHING. She always focuses on the negative and makes my life miserable. I have been slowly cutting her out of my life because she actually makes me feel horrible about myself and when I come home after spending time with her, I honestly get in bed and feel so bad.

    Anyway, dont worry about her!!! Keep going, keep your own goals in mind and forget about what other people think. Maybe I should take my own advice, but try not to let it get you down!!
  • ronda_gettinghealthy
    ronda_gettinghealthy Posts: 777 Member
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    NOPE-- cuz if they are like that I dont wish to be their friend!!


    don't play with a rattlesnake:noway: and then get upset:grumble: when it bites you:sad: , that is what my momma always said!:bigsmile:
  • Fitzgeraldguy
    Fitzgeraldguy Posts: 48
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    You don't need frenemis in your life right now, I just broke up with one of my friends because she was just sooo negative and bringing me down, any time that I would tell her about my weight loss etc, she would say negative stuff...so I decided just not to speak to her anymore.

    Anyways, break up with her if it's not a friendship that you are happy in.

    Best.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
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    She just doesn't want to be left behind when you are living a healthier, happier lifestyle and she's still stuck in her old rut. People like that are toxic. I would avoid her like the plague...:noway:
  • Scarletblue
    Scarletblue Posts: 255
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    Some people just don't get it. There are alot of people out there that feel every meal should be as if it were your last meal.
  • kittyloo123
    kittyloo123 Posts: 300 Member
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    why don't you just skip the part about it being low carb/cal, and just say, it's something new and great you tried?
  • Thriceshy
    Thriceshy Posts: 707 Member
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    NOPE-- cuz if they are like that I dont wish to be their friend!!


    don't play with a rattlesnake:noway: and then get upset:grumble: when it bites you:sad: , that is what my momma always said!:bigsmile:

    Sadly, this rattlesnake is a close blood relative. Makes it harder to move on, a lot more going on, emotionally. But I agree with your momma.

    Kris
  • ivansmomma
    ivansmomma Posts: 500
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    Is she overweight? Could be she is just jealous of you and your great progress. Could also be, if she is the "skinny" one, she doesn't want to see you lose the weight because then you would be on equal terms and you won't be the "big friend" anymore. From what I've read, your health is improving which is so important. Maybe you should remind her that if she were a real friend and cared about you, she would want you around for a very long time. If she continues, I would have to walk, no maybe even run, away. Too much negativity is not good for the soul. Take care.
  • hroush
    hroush Posts: 2,073 Member
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    I would say you need to decide whether person is someone that you really want to have in your life.

    - yes. Stop talking about dieting, weight loss, etc. Obviously it is driving a wedge between you two. Should you eat with this person, you make what you want and she makes what she wants. Should she make comments about your food, you say this is what I like, so this is what I'm going to eat.

    - no. cut her out now and save yourself the strife.
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    Not really! I get told by everyone, all the time that I have lost SO much weight and look really good. I have actually only lost about 13 lbs, but I think I must have been giving out fat vibes before! I think I dress a lot less frumpy. Anyway, no, no naysayers. In fact I think people are friendlier now I am a bit more glam.
  • BProudOfU
    BProudOfU Posts: 83 Member
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    Doesn't sound like a very good friend. Instead of talking about low carb/calorie foods. Ask her to try this new receipe you made, don't tell her it is "diet". When she says things like "don't you feel horrible, like you could just die...etc., tell her you choose to eat a healthy diet for yourself. That you do NOT want to die and that is why you choose to change. Good luck with her. I can't say I have ayone in my life like that...or no one that would be in my life very long if they were like that.
  • Thriceshy
    Thriceshy Posts: 707 Member
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    why don't you just skip the part about it being low carb/cal, and just say, it's something new and great you tried?

    THAT is an idea! We used to serve her healthier versions of food, wait for the effusive praise, then break it to her that it was low fat this or low carb that, just to watch her opinion of it change in an instant. But you're right, just not sharing would probably help!

    Kris
  • Bethany28
    Bethany28 Posts: 263
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    If your friends chooses to live an unhealthy lifestyle and talks bad about you for living a healthy one I think it is time to get new friends....just sayin' :ohwell:
  • Thriceshy
    Thriceshy Posts: 707 Member
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    Doesn't sound like a very good friend. Instead of talking about low carb/calorie foods. Ask her to try this new receipe you made, don't tell her it is "diet". When she says things like "don't you feel horrible, like you could just die...etc., tell her you choose to eat a healthy diet for yourself. That you do NOT want to die and that is why you choose to change. Good luck with her. I can't say I have ayone in my life like that...or no one that would be in my life very long if they were like that.

    That's exactly what I've said--I'm feeling better than I've felt in years, I'm still eating foods I love, and I actually view the diabetes diagnosis as exactly the kick in the behind I needed to stop living stupidly. I don't feel cheated, I feal like I've been given another chance.

    Kris
  • chefchazz
    chefchazz Posts: 427
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    i hope this "female person" isnt your girl. if so, dump her negative *kitten*!! youre doing great!
  • ivansmomma
    ivansmomma Posts: 500
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    By the way, really like your first name since it is mine, too.
  • kelika71
    kelika71 Posts: 778 Member
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    Just about all of us here have dealt with this. The way I see it, you can do what others said and not be a friend anymore. Or, you can do what I do and feel the satisfaction of doing what they haven't/can't/won't do.

    I recently met up with an old friend and went through this. To add to it, this friend had gained even more weight since we last saw each other. Yeah, I listened to the excuses and the putdowns of this food and that food. Oh, but MY being able to sit in a booth and they couldn't...we had to move to a table because of that...PURE SATISFACTION!!!

    It's a driving force to keep me succeeding when others put my efforts down. I just laugh to myself that they're the ones miserable and just lashing out. I say keep 'em as a friend and use that to push you. But, that's me. :)
  • Thriceshy
    Thriceshy Posts: 707 Member
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    Is she overweight? Could be she is just jealous of you and your great progress. Could also be, if she is the "skinny" one, she doesn't want to see you lose the weight because then you would be on equal terms and you won't be the "big friend" anymore. From what I've read, your health is improving which is so important. Maybe you should remind her that if she were a real friend and cared about you, she would want you around for a very long time. If she continues, I would have to walk, no maybe even run, away. Too much negativity is not good for the soul. Take care.

    Heavy, but over the past ten years, I've become the heavier one, which was a switch from when we were younger. And I do think that maybe fear of change and not wanting to be the "only" one is perhaps the inspiration. I am very glad that so few are dealing with this--it's hard!

    Kris

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