jingle bells in the gym

JenniferNoll
JenniferNoll Posts: 367 Member
in Fitness and Exercise
Okay. I go to the gym. I like to do 20 minutes of cardio, then the weight machines, then another 20 minutes of cardio. Dunno why, but it really works for me.

Anyway, I was on one of the weight machines, and this elderly man goes to use the machine directly opposite of me. At first I think, great, this 85+ man is in gym and keeping himself fit and healthy.

Well, the machine he's using is the one where you sit with your legs spread and have to bring them together again. I forget what that machine is called, but I like the way it tones my thighs.

I forgot to mention that he's wearing very short, 1980's style red nylon running shorts. As he spreads his legs, I realize that he's not wearing any undergarments. It's like a trainwreck. I just can't look away. It's the most horrifying thing I've seen since I gave birth and they showed me my placenta.

His left testicle falls out of the leg of his shorts. It is red and shiny like a Christmas tree ornament. I mean, Merry frickin' Christmas 2 months early.

I try to close my eyes while I finish my set.

As I stand up to wipe down my machine, he gives me a wink.

Grossalicious!

Replies

  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,487 Member
    Ewwww... I'd tell the gym manager about pervo showing his goodies off in the gym. That's not okay.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    I'm so sorry you had to experience that but I cannot stop laughing at your description! Sorry to laugh at your pain.

    When I read your title I was thinking, "Christmas music already???" Uh, wish that was the case instead of what actually happened. That is disgusting. Particularly considering he seemed to enjoy it. Ick...
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    edited October 2016
    Oh my gosh this made my day! Train wreck and Christmas Tree Ornament.. Helllooooo!!

    and yeah...eeeeeewwwwww!
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    This is a Blue Christmas joke in the making.
  • TR0berts
    TR0berts Posts: 7,739 Member
    Not sure if it's better that I read this before dinner, or if I should have waited...
  • walkjem
    walkjem Posts: 47 Member

    There is an 88 yo man at my gym who also wears short gym shorts. I'm glad he doesn't use the "Good girl/bad girl" machine. Yuck. Sorry you were tramatized. :s
  • canadianlbs
    canadianlbs Posts: 5,199 Member
    eugh. funny but eugh-de-eugh. not funny when he's making eye contact and it's clearly intentional.

    tell the staff. if that's what he does with his declining years chances are pretty good that he'll keep doing it, so they should be keeping an eye on him.
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    I think I just wet myself laughing .. :D
    Made funnier by the fact that only last week at a bbq an elderly man was sitting opposite me on the deck and had super short shorts on ..I could see testicle straight up the leg ..your description of "red shiny christmas tree ornament" is spot on ..ewww
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    OP I am still laughing at this.. no commando jokes, I am surprised.. LOL :)

    If I need a good chuckle today, I will be coming back here to remember you and just how you described this horrific experience..and by the way it was laid out to perfection.. <3:)
  • smotheredincheese
    smotheredincheese Posts: 559 Member
    Channel your disgust in to work out motivation. Next time you're on the treadmill pretend you're running away from his shiny baubles, and run faster, and faster...
  • jdhcm2006
    jdhcm2006 Posts: 2,254 Member
    As funny as your description is, it's highly inappropriate and sexual harassment. You need to report him b/c I'm 100% sure it's against the gym rules. Also, chances are he's not just doing it to you. What he's doing is actually a form of sexual assault. He needs to be banned. You should be able to go to the gym without being harassed.
  • Alidecker
    Alidecker Posts: 1,262 Member
    RoxieDawn wrote: »
    OP I am still laughing at this.. no commando jokes, I am surprised.. LOL :)

    If I need a good chuckle today, I will be coming back here to remember you and just how you described this horrific experience..and by the way it was laid out to perfection.. <3:)

    I was thinking of a different Friends reference, but commando works too. There is one where Phoebe is dating a guy that has the same issue and Gunther finally tells him to "Put the mouse back in the house, this a family place"

    I agree with others, you telling the story is funny, but it is way inappropriate.
  • whatatime2befit
    whatatime2befit Posts: 625 Member
    Just eewww!!!
  • Chieflrg
    Chieflrg Posts: 9,097 Member
    This is why a male only gym is needed, so the woman stop checking if we are wearing underwear.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,230 Member
    Yeah, I'd be reporting that. Especially given the wink, he knew exactly what he was doing.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    Carlos_421 wrote: »
    Did you report the perv? I don't care how old he is, a dude knows when something like that happens and him winking at you afterward amounts to harassment. The creeper's an exhibitionist.

    This.
  • ItzLahLah2u
    ItzLahLah2u Posts: 172 Member
    Laaaaaawd have mercy

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