Intense letter to myself from 2013.

I just thought i'd bare a bit of my soul, i read it today and it seems significant.

For context, Drew was my best friend for several years.

Dear Kat

You feel like crap. Your personal life has gone to the dogs, you have no aspirations and no confidence. Your stomach is full of crap food, that is making you fat, lethargic and depressed. You feel lost. You don't know what to do and you feel like everything to try is wrong. Your friends are trying to help, but they can't fix it for you. They can't make you happy.

You deserve to feel good. You might not believe that right now, but you do. You deserve to be healthy too. Not because you want to be around for others, not because you want to look good, or wear a dress, or be considered attractive. You want to FEEL good, from your bones to your struggling smile.

I know you're sad because Drew died. Drew died. Drew DIED. Eating yourself to death won't change that. You need to discover why you really want to be healthy. The image of fat clogged arteries disgusts you. I know you don't want to be diabetic. I know you don't want to undo all your good work so far. You need to find you again.

I know that your fat has always protected you. Fat was hope. I know that you hoped that if you were fat, men would leave you alone, you would be safe. Things that had happened to you before wouldn't happen again, because no one would possibly find you attractive. The blunt reality is, that doesn't work. If you let the people who hurt you drag you down and keep you unhealthy, they win.

You need to win. You need to WIN.


**********

Thanks for reading ya'll