Welcome to the flipside

I am Heather. 34, somewhat sedentary, love my family, dog lover, been out of work for almost a year. The flipside reference is that I have been fighting to gain weight since I was 14, and in 2015, I gained 20 pounds (not muscle) in less than 6 months. MOre than one opinion from professionals has told me my metabolism slowed down and it wasn't alarming. Back in 2005 I had my first child, and weighed an unhealthy 110 pounds on my 5'7" frame not a month after. Not by choice plus I was nursing. In 2007 I was chasing my 2.5 year old by myself, going to school, and working far away from family. I went on Livestrong to help monitor and increase my caloric intake. However couldn't stick to such a high calorie diet, I felt like I had to constantly eat all the time or find some way to get as many calories as possible. Being that I was very aware of the types of food I put into my body, this challenge began to get impossible so I gave up. Now, I am on the flipside. The 30+ years of not worrying about how I looked or my physical health as far as exercise is out the window. It has truly mentally f'd me! My mother never told us 3 girls to watch our weight. She even had her own struggles, but would never have wanted us to see our bodies as anything but beautiful. I am engaged and getting married in February, and I am so happy. My daughter is very happy as well. For the first time I heard her say to me you are not fat. That was a wake-up call that she was seeing and hearing what I was saying about myself even when I thought she wasn't listening. I don't want to be a mother instilling the thought that women should always be so concerned about weight. In truth, I have begun to realize jow painful body image has been since I was a wee teen, over or under weight. Really just want to get back to being healthy. I want to be strong mentally and physically. I hate exercise! I am starting an intro to aerial and an intro to pole dance this week! I Just Want to Have Fun while I'm doing this. The last two days of tracking my food has been very time-consuming, but I didn't realize how easily it can be to go over the amount of intake that is healthy for you. Like I said after so long of having the opposite problem it really has taken a mental toll on me and I'm ready to make changes so that's why I'm here.