Low Self-Esteem.

Welcome to MFP, Wikked!

I have to say, it makes me so very sad to hear that a young woman as obviously motivated and intelligent as yourself is struggling with feelings of low self-esteem, to the point of making you hesitant to reach out to others for an emotional connection. There are few things worse than having those feelings of insecurity plague you, I know, because they are all but impossible to banish no matter what you do, and isolating yourself from others only enhances the symptoms.

And here's the kicker. While I think it's wonderful that you are moving forward with a plan for a healthier and stronger lifestyle, I can almost certainly assure you that losing weight to please others (or to fit a shape that you believe is the 'right' shape) will not be the solution to drive away all your low-self esteem. I do think that losing weight is a fantastic way to enhance good feelings about ourselves, but self-esteem troubles usually originate from something deeper that wont allow you to accept how beautiful and perfect you already are.

I have known many women and men of varied sizes and shapes in my life. Often you will find those who you think should have the highest self-esteem are actually the most insecure. Beautiful, curvaceous, slender women will hate themselves because they cannot see that it is not the shape that determines the value of a person. Losing weight is certainly a triumph in any person's life, but if you look in the mirror and still are not happy with what you see, it is no more than an empty victory.

My advice to you for improved self esteem is to pursue your passions - do what you love. Let that love flourish inside you, and it will radiate off you. Finding a passion in life gives purpose, confidence, enthusiasm and as sense of belonging. And it will make you happy, without ever expecting anything from you in return.

I think you are a smart, articulate, and powerful woman- no matter how short/tall, big/small, light/dark, or whatever you are. The part that makes you beautiful and appealing to others is the personality that you exude from within. Losing weight may bring out that personality, but it won't make all your insecurities disappear. That comes with finding peace with who you are, embracing it, and opening yourself up to emotional connection with the understanding that you are MORE than good enough. You deserve love, friendship, sex, all these thing - not because your shape fits a mold, but because your heart defies one.

Ta!

Windi

That is hands down the best and most reassuring advice I've ever gotten in my entire life. I cannot even begin to tell you how much that meant to me. Thank you so much!

You're very very welcome! I have been where you are, and I want you to know that you are not alone in your struggles, and that you absolutely can and WILL come out a stronger, greater person on the other side!

Oh goodness there is so much I would like to tell you. Instead, I'm going to tell you about me. Starting in early middle school I started to realize what "weight" was and how important it was to so many people. Something I'd never cared about was suddenly consuming my life - it was all I thought about, all I judged myself on, and sadly, all I judged others on. "She's skinny so everyone likes her. I'm fat, why would anyone want to date me". It only got worse. By the time I was your age I was in a hate-hate relationship myself that was only fueled my MORE eating. Looking back I wish I would have learned not to put so much pressure on myself to look a certain way. Instead of making healthier choices I chose to follow fad diets, I tried to not eat but then would secretly binge on everything in sight later on, I refused to work out or exercise thinking people would make fun of me. I'm 23 and still dealing with a lot of those issues.

You are at an AMAZING point in your life. EIGHTEEN! I was just talking about how I missed that summer. You've got more potential than you know. Realize that what people think or say about you right now is TRULY not as bad as the things you are imagining. If you think losing weight is going to solve that problem it won't. However, setting a goal for yourself and reaching it will make you feel amazing. Just do it safely. And for yourself. And don't lose who you are in the meantime. Hell, maybe you'll find who you are in the meantime. Just don't let it be the deciding factor if you like yourself or not. From what I can see and from what you've written today you're an educated girl with the potential to do whatever you set your mind to. So do what makes YOU happy.