Stressful Family Situation...

MB_Positif
MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
edited September 29 in Motivation and Support
I am stressing. Family stuff. My dad lost his job a few months ago and is struggling to pay his bills. He had talked to us about living with us when he first lost his job and thought he might have trouble getting by and we said potentially for a couple of months, but not long term. Well, now that time has come and our situation is different now. My hours have been cut at work and I honestly don't know if I will have a job each week it's so slow here. I am terrified to let him move in because it will be a huge financial burden on us while we ourselves are already struggling at times to get by, especially now. On top of that, he hasn't really been making an effort to find a job which worries me. Do we boot him after 2 months if he doesn't have a job? I want to help him get on his feet, not be a crutch. It would be SO different if he would find a job locally and he could stay with us until he has money together for a place or something like that. Anyhow, our house is teeny and we already have no privacy because our freakish 5 year old son rarely falls asleep before 10:00. So on top of that we'd have my dad as a roommate who will be up late every night. Not good for my marriage. We've only been together 6 years and I don't want to put strain on our relationship like this. My little family unit is so important to me, I want to protect it! Not sure what I am asking for, just had to let this out! Thanks for reading!

Replies

  • sophjakesmom
    sophjakesmom Posts: 904 Member
    Tough choices, my friend! But I would say you need to protect the nuclear family unit as much as you can. I don't have any great suggestions for you, except to trust your "mom" instincts. Good luck!
  • peripah
    peripah Posts: 120 Member
    I'm not sure about where you live but a lot of communities have 'community housing' or 'housing first' options for people struggling to pay bills and keep a home. The community housing here will pay a portion of your rent for you or allow you to live in one of their subsidized housing units, depending on your needs. If you're looking for other options it might be worth finding out what's available where you live.
  • myrbg
    myrbg Posts: 93
    this is a toughie! maybe before you consider having your father moving in you could sit down and have a chat and lay everything out. discuss the pros and cons, the advantages, other kinds of contributions he could make, or suggest another family member. talking it out always helps. you never know, he might realize after your chat that doesn't feel comfortable moving in or has another plan in mind! communication is key.

    don't worry about a thing, 'cause every little thing, is gonna be alright.
  • epa1112
    epa1112 Posts: 12
    the key thing i pulled from this was the fact that u said ur father hasnt made an effort to find a job. if u take him in he may be worse in his efforts to find a job. it could really put a strain on ur own little family. i hope he gets back on his feet but having him stay with u at this time doesn't sound like a good idea right now.
  • taldie01
    taldie01 Posts: 378
    Oh un, Im sorry to hear this. Hopefully he gets back on his feet, Im sure he really doesnt want to move in. I would tell him you love him but that this cant be forever, Id be honest with him. In the meantime look for alternate solutions, for housing.
  • hwilliams519
    hwilliams519 Posts: 428
    Well I have been on the opposite end of this spectrum. My husband and I recently lived with my parents for about a year and a half. I had a job that entire time, and my husband worked the majority of that time ( he was laid off for about 6 months). So I can definitley relate to living with parents while being married. It's not easy, that's for sure. I really don't think it should effect your bills too much, unless you end up covering medical expenses for him. Food & utilities are the biggest thing, but mainly food. We never expected my parents to provide our food, so we always took care of that. But with him being without a job, he may not be able to do that.

    I say you should def let him stay. He is family. And yes, a couple of months could turn into a year, unless you set a deadline. If you're worried about how much effort he is putting into finding a job, you may want to lay down some stipulations before you actually agree. You are there to help him, not take care of him.

    If you have any questions or need to talk, I'm here for you. It's a tough situation, but you can get through it!
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