Anyone living with an UN-motivator?

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mmmmaidservice
mmmmaidservice Posts: 85 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm 34 years old. Married. Two children ages 2 and 4. My husband is a teacher and I own a cleaning business. We have busy lives however I have been trying on and off to lose weight since having my son for two years now.
I'm fairly fit but still have about 40lbs I would like to shed. My bucket list fitness goal is to run a half marathon. Anyway...my husband is SO unmotivated. He's 9 years older than me and for years he was in very good shape. But the last 5 years or so the pounds have been creeping up on both of us and everyone especially is worried about him since he carries all his weight in his belly. He drinks 5-6 nights a week too.
I'll make healthy meals every day of the week. The other day I made ground chicken burritos and he comes home with greasy samosas. I wake up this morning and he's not only made himself pizza last night, but has gotten into the Halloween candy!
I know there's no helping him until he wants to make the change himself...but how do you stay motivated when there's nothing but crap all around you???

Replies

  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,714 Member
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    You CAN'T motivate people. You can inspire, encourage and challenge them, but a person is motivated internally. A truly motivated person is COMMITTED to a goal regardless if obstacles or deterrences stand on their path. This is the one thing that successful in life have.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
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    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
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    You do you. My husband's diet is completely different than mine but I don't care. I don't let it bother me. I use self control.
  • mmmmaidservice
    mmmmaidservice Posts: 85 Member
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    Wow. Thanks. I think...
  • mmmmaidservice
    mmmmaidservice Posts: 85 Member
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    I actually totally agree with what everyone is saying here. I'm more looking for tools to stay motivated. Not really a lesson in marriage vows and self control. But thanks anyway for responding.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    mmmmaidservice wrote: »
    I actually totally agree with what everyone is saying here. I'm more looking for tools to stay motivated. Not really a lesson in marriage vows and self control. But thanks anyway for responding.

    Self control... fit the odd treat in your daily/weekly cals... set non food related treats every 5-10lbs you lose if you need the motivation?
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    External motivation is overrated and an excuse to maintain the status quo. It's the easy way out--nobody is pushing me to change or eat healthy or exercise so I'm not going to do it. Internal motivation, the desire to better myself simply because I wanted to be healthy, is what gets me moving, eating well, etc. I set goals for myself and I work toward reaching them. When I do, I pat myself on the back and set more goals. That's how I stay motivated.
  • mmmmaidservice
    mmmmaidservice Posts: 85 Member
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    Thank you! That's is helpful @TavistockToad!

    I think I do need to make some changes to my weekly calorie intake to maybe include a treat. And I do have an "every 10lb treat" which is usually shopping or a manicure or something.
  • mmmmaidservice
    mmmmaidservice Posts: 85 Member
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    @jemhh I like that! That's actually why I started this. To be healthy for my kids. My mom was diagnosed in august with congestive heart failure and she's not able to be around as much for me or her grandchildren. I don't want to be like that. I strive for health above all.
    That's exactly what I needed to hear. And thank you!
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    mmmmaidservice wrote: »
    @jemhh I like that! That's actually why I started this. To be healthy for my kids. My mom was diagnosed in august with congestive heart failure and she's not able to be around as much for me or her grandchildren. I don't want to be like that. I strive for health above all.
    That's exactly what I needed to hear. And thank you!

    Glad that was helpful!

    I got started because I had sleep apnea and was on my way to Type 2 diabetes, which many of my older relatives have/had. My sleep apnea was quite severe, which I only realized after the actual diagnosis and during the 3 week wait for my CPAP I was convinced I would die in my sleep and my daughter would find my body because my husband works nights. Yikes. Plus, I just felt really cruddy--aches, pains, no flexibility, etc. I told myself that I needed to either get off my butt and do something about it or shut up about feeling terrible already.

    All of that health stuff is what got me going. Over time, now that I am healthier, I have changed focus a bit and admit that part of it is wanting to look good. When I first started, looking good was not even on my radar so I suppose adding that as a motivator is a sign of progress :)
  • sunshineanddaisies507
    sunshineanddaisies507 Posts: 1 Member
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    Ask your husband to keep his junk food in a separate area of the kitchen to your healthy food.
  • mfezziwig359
    mfezziwig359 Posts: 21 Member
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    It is difficult - I am assuming (and correct me if I'm wrong) that besides your concern for your husband's health, you're feeling vulnerable to some of the food items he's bringing into the house, and frustrated (and even angry) because it's so much harder if your partner isn't "in the fight" with you.
    Do you have some friends (MFP or IRL) for accountability and support? My biggest struggles happen when I feel like I'm alone in the battle. It's easier to keep on track when I know someone has my back.
    And if you're a goal oriented person, mini-goals and non-food rewards are great motivation. Don't limit your goals to pounds lost - scales fluctuate too much. You could reward yourself for finishing a workout on a day you felt crappy, for adding an extra mile to your training schedule, for faithfully following your calorie intake limits for a month, two months, etc. (or for screaming into a pillow instead of reaching for a Snickers after dealing with an unreasonable client...)
    Personally, my rewards have to either give me a little hit of joy, make me laugh, or help me relax. (Because, that's what I'm looking for in my unhealthy food choices...) I wish you success, and that your efforts will eventually inspire your husband to do the same.
  • jvcjim
    jvcjim Posts: 812 Member
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    well my issue is my wife, She has no trouble getting her walking in 15-20k steps a day, claims she wants to lose weight but will not watch her calories which i told her i would help her with (the logging part) but her choices are hers i will not comment on what she chooses to eat. i do make her breakfast m-f and make most of the dinner meals in the house, lunch and snacks are her issues. she has been "working" on weight loss since January and has dropped 5 pounds ... in the same period i have dropped 60+, grant it, she only needs to drop 30 more pounds to be in the middle of her "healthy range" ... she just not see the point of watching and logging everything. i enable her as well, if she wants a pie or cake i most gleefully make them for her, and then help her eat them :(
  • mmmmaidservice
    mmmmaidservice Posts: 85 Member
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    Thanks to everyone who has responded either with ideas or their own thoughts. @mfezziwig359 you hit the nail on the head. I'm actually really angry about it. And I know I shouldn't be because my choices are my own and his choices are his own. But we've had a LOT of health scares on both sides of the family in the last few years and I wish he would smarten up!

    Thank you again and thank you @jemhh for sharing. It definitely helps and was very inspiring for me!
  • mmmmaidservice
    mmmmaidservice Posts: 85 Member
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    @jvcjcooper congrats on YOUR dedication and loss. Sounds like you're a good husband and she's lucky to have you.
  • Patrickjames16
    Patrickjames16 Posts: 5 Member
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    Mine does similar things and if it wasn't for my son who is alittle overweight, I could handle it. He just took him to Burger King because I didn't have anything made in the fridge and they didn't want to make anything. SOO not happy with him. He eats crap and doesn't gain anything but its not fair when the kid pays.
  • mmmmaidservice
    mmmmaidservice Posts: 85 Member
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    Yup same here. He pulled out some peanut M&M's tonight and fed them to the kids and tossed a couple at me to eat. I don't care if my kids have a treat every now and then but they'd already brushed their teeth and had barely eaten their healthy dinner. Then he made that deluxe Kraft dinner crap and tried to get me to "try" some. I had zero desire to have any. I don't eat past 6pm and I brush my teeth with my kids. I hate eating after brushing my teeth. Another tool!
  • nehaad88
    nehaad88 Posts: 159 Member
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    why dont you try setting smaller goals? and then have small food/non-food treat for yourself once you achieve it. it will give you a sense of achievement early on and stop you from getting demotivated and feeling bad. Here are a few links of the threads I love on MFP which are based on the same premise. All the best :smiley:

    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10297709/what-mini-goal-is-motivating-you-right-now/p1

    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10099482/just-for-today-daily-commitment-thread/p1
  • mmmmaidservice
    mmmmaidservice Posts: 85 Member
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    Thank you @nehaad88! This is also VERY helpful! This whole thread was super helpful and has kept me totally on track. I think once I switched my thinking from "I have to lose 40lbs" to "let's aim to be healthy for long term benefits"...it's become far easier. I have been focusing far less on the scale and more on nutrition and exercise. And what the hubby has been up to hasn't bothered me much at all!

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