Starting Over: Desperation.

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Chrissy100883
Chrissy100883 Posts: 22 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hello, my name is Christina.

I am in search of some motivation and maybe advice.

Currently, i am about 173 pounds. my highest was 180 and after 3 years i've managed to lose some of the weight i put on after a family vacation but now it's creeping back up.

I work in a kitchen 5 days a week for about 40 hours. When i work at my maximum volume i can walk up to 14000 steps a day and minimum 9000 steps a day.

I have a lot of baggage and this causes me to lose motivation fast.
I have anxiety so bad it sent me to the hospital once because my breathing was so shallow from panicking i needed oxygen. They diagnosed me with a panic attack (i already knew i had them... but never like this). It's so bad that when i panic i often get dizzy and almost pass out, want to vomit, or almost soil myself. Sometimes it feels like all three at the same time. I take a sedative three times a day and an anxiety pill once a day just to get through work. These cause me to be even more tired than an average person working in a kitchen. I've almost fallen asleep at the wheel. Currently, i can't cut down the medication since my resistance for them is growing and i need to work full time. It makes working out tough because when i work morning, i am so tired i sit down for half a hour and i'm out. In the evening i worry if i work out before work i won't have the energy to get through a night shift and when i get home i can't even shower before bed.
I have Vertigo. This keeps me from traveling long distances. I can no longer travel on the highway so i drive all backroads to keep myself from getting dizzy or anxious to the point of vomiting or crashing. I can't go on boats or planes comfortably anymore either.
Depression. No one believes i have depression because my family and friends believe i have a great house life and opportunities. I don't deny this, but depression isn't about what you have or what you lost. I am depressed randomly for no reason or for a reason that i often talk about but do nothing about. Lately my depression is about my weight, well being, and personal life.
Asthma but i don't use my inhaler. Anxiety... it makes me jittery.
I LOVE FOOD. I am not a fan of a lot of vegetables but as a chef i know texture and taste can be changed easily. i just have lost my passion for cooking after 6 years of working mindlessly in a kitchen and being so tired all the time...

I've been told by COUNTLESS people that losing weight will make 'all' of my problems 'disappear'. I know this isn't true, but even if it helps me feel better about myself i want to do it.

My goal is to go from a US XL to a US Medium. Clothing doesn't fit, the things i want to wear don't look good on me, and i just can't make my way onto that treadmill! And even when i do go on, my chest feels tight and i feel sick. I've been told to push through it but i can't seem to get past this hurdle.
If anyone has or does suffer from these issues and can offer some support and motivation please let me know. I'm about ready to starve myself. My only support is my boyfriend and he lives too far to really do much with me.

Replies

  • PurplePamplemousse
    PurplePamplemousse Posts: 9 Member
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    I've worked full time in hospitality on my feet all day so I know about that bone-deep tiredness! My advice would be not to worry about trying to work in more exercise at the moment, and instead just focus on hitting a calorie goal. If you're able to batch-cook a meal on your day off and then portion and freeze it, that could be useful to have on hand on those evening when you come in from work exhausted. I like to keep energy bars such as Nakd bars on hand too for when I can't face food prep but need a quick boost.
    I also have a history with depression snd anxiety, and of course that makes weight loss an even greater challenge. Something that has helped me recently is to remind myself that no matter how slow my progress is, it's still valid.
    I've sent you a friend request and would be happy to support you along the way :)
  • Chrissy100883
    Chrissy100883 Posts: 22 Member
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    PurplePamplemousse wrote: »
    I've worked full time in hospitality on my feet all day so I know about that bone-deep tiredness! My advice would be not to worry about trying to work in more exercise at the moment, and instead just focus on hitting a calorie goal. If you're able to batch-cook a meal on your day off and then portion and freeze it, that could be useful to have on hand on those evening when you come in from work exhausted. I like to keep energy bars such as Nakd bars on hand too for when I can't face food prep but need a quick boost.
    I also have a history with depression snd anxiety, and of course that makes weight loss an even greater challenge. Something that has helped me recently is to remind myself that no matter how slow my progress is, it's still valid.
    I've sent you a friend request and would be happy to support you along the way :)

    I'll have to see if the place work carries naked bars... though i've been told that bars of any kind aren't great and will just encourage you to eat more...

    I have been thinking of freezing meals but that would also require i buy a lot of meat for myself and that is pretty costly. I bring lunch and dinner to work so i would buy a month's worth of groceries and make a months work of food...
  • Puppy_love_81
    Puppy_love_81 Posts: 45 Member
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    Here's a couple of things I learned: It helps me if I drink lots of water after I eat. The water fills me up. Also, if I'm still hungry after I eat, I brush my teeth .Sounds silly, but it works for me. Hope that helps!
  • Chrissy100883
    Chrissy100883 Posts: 22 Member
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    puppy_love1481 wrote: »
    Here's a couple of things I learned: It helps me if I drink lots of water after I eat. The water fills me up. Also, if I'm still hungry after I eat, I brush my teeth .Sounds silly, but it works for me. Hope that helps!
    In a kitchen we aren't allowed to have water bottles on our stations so drinking fluids is a struggle in itself, but i'll do what i can.
  • bininj
    bininj Posts: 77 Member
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    I'm losing weight successfully and not doing much exercise at all. And you don't need to eat a ton of vegetables every day either. Why don't you try a low carb high fat diet. You'll feel full after a small meal, crave less sugar and the weight will fall off, like it is doing for me. (7kg in 7 weeks). Friend me and look at my diary.
  • Sira125
    Sira125 Posts: 152 Member
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    When I first started to lose weight last year I had so much conflicting information from so many sources I got freaked out trying juxtapose it all and stopped trying. There are tons of ways to lose weight but they all distill to taking in fewer calories than you use. Logging your intake, activity level, and exercise are the way to make sure the math works. With anxiety you might want to try logging everything for a few weeks to get used to it before judging yourself on the results. Logging gets easier over time if you tend to eat the same foods a lot.

    I would recommend working gradually toward calorie restriction until you find a level that works without making you more tired or contributing to your vertigo. Getting sufficient sleep and keeping yourself hydrated should help with fatigue. If you aren't getting enough sleep it can contribute to many of the issues you've listed so I would consider that of high importance.

    I wish you the best of luck. :smile:
  • Chrissy100883
    Chrissy100883 Posts: 22 Member
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    bininj wrote: »
    I'm losing weight successfully and not doing much exercise at all. And you don't need to eat a ton of vegetables every day either. Why don't you try a low carb high fat diet. You'll feel full after a small meal, crave less sugar and the weight will fall off, like it is doing for me. (7kg in 7 weeks). Friend me and look at my diary.

    I friended you. I'm curious to see how well you are doing!

  • Chrissy100883
    Chrissy100883 Posts: 22 Member
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    Sira125 wrote: »
    When I first started to lose weight last year I had so much conflicting information from so many sources I got freaked out trying juxtapose it all and stopped trying. There are tons of ways to lose weight but they all distill to taking in fewer calories than you use. Logging your intake, activity level, and exercise are the way to make sure the math works. With anxiety you might want to try logging everything for a few weeks to get used to it before judging yourself on the results. Logging gets easier over time if you tend to eat the same foods a lot.

    I would recommend working gradually toward calorie restriction until you find a level that works without making you more tired or contributing to your vertigo. Getting sufficient sleep and keeping yourself hydrated should help with fatigue. If you aren't getting enough sleep it can contribute to many of the issues you've listed so I would consider that of high importance.

    I wish you the best of luck. :smile:

    I am going to try logging straight for a month. It's hard when you have to approximate a lot of food since well... sizes and recipes are so different and if you aren't the one to make the food you don't know which to choose on the menu for logging...

    Also hydration is super hard. I think the most I can drink is 9 cups of water a day when I work and outside of work I just forget. And even so I'm still dehydrated because of my medicine... which sucks because I can't drink a lot of water in one sitting without getting waterlogged or bloated...
  • Goal179
    Goal179 Posts: 314 Member
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    Please friend me. Your starting weight is where I am desperately trying to achieve as my end weight. :) So please keep things in perspective and know that you are doing well. 14,000 steps a day is a great achievement. Focus on your diet first and then as the weight falls off, you will have more energy and exercise should come a little easier. Also, don't focus on just getting on a treadmill. Do something fun that makes you happy. SKip through the park, bike ride through the city, challenge some kids to water polo, play hide and seek with your spouse. Exercise is about movement. Move as much as you can, when you can and couple that with your low carb diet and it will all come together. Depression is real and I appreciate your struggle. Let's be friends and I can help keep you motivated.
  • Goal179
    Goal179 Posts: 314 Member
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    One more thing that I think another poster mentioned. LOG everything and track your anxiety attacks and depression spells. You might find that there is something in your diet that triggers your anxiety to be higher than normal. It's always good to know how/if food affects you.
  • niallcavanagh
    niallcavanagh Posts: 29 Member
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    Re water: my GP confirmed to me that there is too much emphasis on hydration - if you work/live/work out in a hot dry climate or extreme aircon then you will need more water. If you live in a temperate climate and already consume plenty of liquids in soups, protein shakes, milk on cereal, etc. then you don't need to force more in! The usual indicators of urine colour and... thirst come into play!
  • Chrissy100883
    Chrissy100883 Posts: 22 Member
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    Goal179 wrote: »
    Please friend me. Your starting weight is where I am desperately trying to achieve as my end weight. :) So please keep things in perspective and know that you are doing well. 14,000 steps a day is a great achievement. Focus on your diet first and then as the weight falls off, you will have more energy and exercise should come a little easier. Also, don't focus on just getting on a treadmill. Do something fun that makes you happy. SKip through the park, bike ride through the city, challenge some kids to water polo, play hide and seek with your spouse. Exercise is about movement. Move as much as you can, when you can and couple that with your low carb diet and it will all come together. Depression is real and I appreciate your struggle. Let's be friends and I can help keep you motivated.

    The main problem with going places like he park is that if I have a panic attack I'm sunk. I desperately don't want people looming over me asking if I'm okay. If I can I try to care for my issues on my own.

    It's becoming winter here so I can't really go in a pool. So I have to focus on weights and my fitness devices.
    I'll have to track everything then... I have issues on a regular haha
  • Chrissy100883
    Chrissy100883 Posts: 22 Member
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    niallcavanagh wrote: »
    Re water: my GP confirmed to me that there is too much emphasis on hydration - if you work/live/work out in a hot dry climate or extreme aircon then you will need more water. If you live in a temperate climate and already consume plenty of liquids in soups, protein shakes, milk on cereal, etc. then you don't need to force more in! The usual indicators of urine colour and... thirst come into play!

    I live in the east coast but I wrk in a kitchen and my medicine dries me out. So it's kinda a weird balance. It could be hot in the kitchen some days and some days freezing cold.

    My urine color is only shocking in the morning. But I try not to drink a lot before bed because I feel I have to pee every half an hour...
  • gsheppy
    gsheppy Posts: 283 Member
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    Hi I am also looking for support and a daily kick in the butt. I have depression and anxiety. I take med for both. I am having a hard tine getting started. I know I can log and walk everyday but I just don't want to get out of my bed. I work 2 jobs, have 3 kids and my husband has some health issues that makes helping around the house difficult.

    I sound like a little kid. I am just tired. I don't want to do anything but sit on my couch or go to bed. It makes me very sad that this is all I want to do.. I kinda go through the motions of daily living. I just don't know where to start.

    My eating is ok until I see the candy in the office or the cookies in the house. I used to exercise all the time but now I just don't know how to balance everything. I sound silly.

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