Got to goal, but it doesn't look like I thought it would.

half_moon
half_moon Posts: 807 Member
edited November 13 in Motivation and Support
I don't usually think of myself as a perfectionist, but I have a very clear image of what I'd like to look like -- and I really do think it is achievable. I really want to be fit and athletic, toned, and lean. I thought, at 5'5" (female), a weight of 135 would do it. I lost more than 30 pounds to get here, and am very much enjoying my new weight of 138... But even then, it doesn't look like I thought it would. I may have to lose another ten pounds to get the body I'd like.

Because of that realization, achieving my goal has not been as enjoyable. I feel bloated at times, and still nitpick my body because it doesn't reflect the body I desire.

How do you move past this? Will I always feel like a fat girl?

Replies

  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    half_moon wrote: »
    I don't usually think of myself as a perfectionist, but I have a very clear image of what I'd like to look like -- and I really do think it is achievable. I really want to be fit and athletic, toned, and lean. I thought, at 5'5" (female), a weight of 135 would do it. I lost more than 30 pounds to get here, and am very much enjoying my new weight of 138... But even then, it doesn't look like I thought it would. I may have to lose another ten pounds to get the body I'd like.

    Because of that realization, achieving my goal has not been as enjoyable. I feel bloated at times, and still nitpick my body because it doesn't reflect the body I desire.

    How do you move past this? Will I always feel like a fat girl?

    What is your training like...you don't achieve a "fit look" without fitness...and that would include resistance training as well.

    Your weight doesn't necessarily mean your composition is going to be what you desire...

    Screen-Shot-2011-07-21-at-9.23.11-AM1.jpg

    Believe it or not, she’s 11 pounds HEAVIER (142 pounds) in the picture on the right (May 2011) compared to the picture on the left (131 pounds, October 2010).
  • bionicrooster
    bionicrooster Posts: 353 Member
    you look great to me :-) but in my experience once I got close to my goal weight, I was able to achieve a better 'look' using cardio and light weight training...
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    Yep, I agree with @chocolate_owl. Time to change your focus and set fitness related goals. Also, if you aren't already, start keeping track of your measurements. When you have fewer pounds to lose the scale doesn't accurately reflect a changing body.

    And, give your mind time to catch up. This is a recent change so it will take a while for your mind to "see" the new you. Be appreciative of your body and your health - you're doing great!
  • spartanhollis
    spartanhollis Posts: 17 Member
    Hello, I can sympathize. We have this vision in our mind, and somehow it doesn't come out looking like the pictures in the advertisement or in magazines. I know that 80% of my problem is diet. I am good most days but I do eat out quite a bit for work and it can be hard on a restrictive diet. My workout regime is excellent most days. I am committed to six days a week and follow a program of mostly strength training and one day of all cardio. I just try to focus on small goals and keep pushing through my negative thoughts. I have come too far to drop out. And I know that I actually look better than my mind tells me. It's hard to see it through our own eyes. We need that third-party opinion.
  • sardelsa
    sardelsa Posts: 9,812 Member
    After my first pregnancy, I got down to my goal weight and was disappointed. So I kept losing (thinking that would fix the problem) and I just got skinny.. but didn't have the composition I wanted (despite lifting).. I lacked significant muscle base so I ran a bulk and cut cycle which helped.
    Point is, a lot of it may have to do with body composition and losing weight may not be the solution necessarily. In my case, I know it will take me a few more bulk/cut cycles to really get where I am happy. I too am very hard on myself.

    That being said, it is definitely important to look how far you have come, set different type of goals and enjoy the ride.. keep it up, I think you look great!
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    OP I'm 5'5" and 135 lbs and I still don't like my body either... but I'm at the point where I'm trying to let it go. I just can't seem to be able to cut again to lose those last 5-10 lbs... too hungry and if I restrict too much (which I'd have to do as I'm so hungry), I end up binging... I do have a lot of loose skin on my belly too though so it seems like a lost cause anyway (and it looks worse as I lose inches).

    For what it's worth, I've lost 2 inches on my hips since I started maintaining 2.5 years ago, and I've actually gained 3 pounds.

    I also hate lifting, which isn't helping my case, lol, but if you can, do it.
  • half_moon
    half_moon Posts: 807 Member
    I am involved in CrossFit, but I also focus on cardio endurance and running once or twice a week. An injury (not with CrossFit, but during a handstand) to my shoulder has restricted my progress the past few weeks, which could be a reason I've been harder on myself than usual.

    I still feel bloated, I can still grab my belly, and grab at saddlebags, and wish my arms were smaller. My breasts are annoyingly HUGE, which just makes all of my pictures look awkward. I've never been this tiny, and yet I'm discouraged because I thought I'd look different.

    But you all are right -- it's now down to body composition. Once I am able to do a proper workout (I've been limited to the bike and ab/leg workouts), I will focus on improving times and strength. Perhaps I should put the scale back in the closet. Maybe now that I am "at goal," I'm confused as to how to look how I want.

    I am focusing heavily on keeping my diet clean, but enjoying meals when I can. I don't believe my diet is a problem -- no dairy (allergic), no sweets or snacks -- if anything, a few too many carbs and sugar (grapes, bananas, peaches as snacks along with celery and carrots). But even then, the carbs are complex and from "healthy" foods.

    Thanks for the perspective!
  • sardelsa
    sardelsa Posts: 9,812 Member
    Ok wow I just saw your progress in the success story forums.. you look amazing and have really done so well! I think we all tend to focus on the body parts we don't like.
    Putting the scale away for awhile sounds like a good idea. Eating in moderation is fine too, I wouldn't worry too much about carbs and sugar especially since your diet is overall nutritious unless it is putting you over your cals or making you hungry. When I was losing I had ice cream every night. (I still do now but I'm bulking again so I NEED those cals haha).

    Hopefully your shoulder heals up soon and you can get back to your CrossFit workouts.
  • chocolate_owl
    chocolate_owl Posts: 1,695 Member
    edited October 2016
    Here's another thing - we get images in our heads of how we want to look, and they're static. We hope to always look like we're shot from the perfect angle in great light, when in reality our bodies change throughout the day when we eat, drink, sit, stand, flex, relax... Skim over this article about a trainer and her unflattering photos: http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/06/anna-victoria-interview.html

    Also, for every fit clean eater out there, there's one who's eating cookies and ice cream daily. It's about the calorie deficit and meeting your macros. Clean eating (however you define it) is one way to do that, but it's not the only way. If you're struggling with the idea of going x months longer without a piece of cake, don't deprive yourself. Find a way to work it in. And sugar from any source is only a problem if it means you're not hitting your nutrient goals - don't stress about eating too much fruit.
  • half_moon
    half_moon Posts: 807 Member
    sardelsa wrote: »
    Ok wow I just saw your progress in the success story forums.. you look amazing and have really done so well! I think we all tend to focus on the body parts we don't like.
    Putting the scale away for awhile sounds like a good idea. Eating in moderation is fine too, I wouldn't worry too much about carbs and sugar especially since your diet is overall nutritious unless it is putting you over your cals or making you hungry. When I was losing I had ice cream every night. (I still do now but I'm bulking again so I NEED those cals haha).

    Hopefully your shoulder heals up soon and you can get back to your CrossFit workouts.

    Thank you, sardelsa! Judging by your photos, you are exactly at what I picture as my goal look. What do you do to get that look?

    My injury is unfortunate -- I managed to dislocate my shoulder from my clavicle bone. Ouch! Three weeks of babying it and it's still not back together and I can only lift a few pounds. It put me in a bit of depression, and definitely has hindered progress I was seeing. I had just, the week before that, done my FIRST pull up. So depressing!
  • half_moon
    half_moon Posts: 807 Member
    chocolate_owl wrote: »
    Here's another thing - we get images in our heads of how we want to look, and they're static. We hope to always look like we're shot from the perfect angle in great light, when in reality our bodies change throughout the day when we eat, drink, sit, stand, flex, relax... Skim over this article about a trainer and her unflattering photos: http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/06/anna-victoria-interview.html

    Also, for every fit clean eater out there, there's one who's eating cookies and ice cream daily. It's about the calorie deficit and meeting your macros. Clean eating (however you define it) is one way to do that, but it's not the only way. If you're struggling with the idea of going x months longer without a piece of cake, don't deprive yourself. Find a way to work it in. And sugar from any source is only a problem if it means you're not hitting your nutrient goals - don't stress about eating too much fruit.

    Love love love that article. So motivating. Thank you for sharing it with me! So refreshing to see that those girls also have something to "grab." Maybe since I've never been this size, I figured I shouldn't have anything to grab.

    I feel so much better after all of y'alls comments! You guys have no idea. That's what I love about MFP. You are all the best!

    I've just got to take a breath, give myself a break, and keep on trucking. And not feel guilty about eating a banana this afternoon as a snack. :)
  • siraphine
    siraphine Posts: 185 Member
    Keep trying and remember that your body will never be perfect. What it will be is stronger, healthier, and better than it ever could have been without the work.
  • sardelsa
    sardelsa Posts: 9,812 Member
    half_moon wrote: »
    sardelsa wrote: »
    Ok wow I just saw your progress in the success story forums.. you look amazing and have really done so well! I think we all tend to focus on the body parts we don't like.
    Putting the scale away for awhile sounds like a good idea. Eating in moderation is fine too, I wouldn't worry too much about carbs and sugar especially since your diet is overall nutritious unless it is putting you over your cals or making you hungry. When I was losing I had ice cream every night. (I still do now but I'm bulking again so I NEED those cals haha).

    Hopefully your shoulder heals up soon and you can get back to your CrossFit workouts.

    Thank you, sardelsa! Judging by your photos, you are exactly at what I picture as my goal look. What do you do to get that look?

    Thanks!
    Well I have always been pretty active, but a few months after my first pregnancy (~2.5 years ago) I starting lifting weights. I follow more glute focused programs (I started with Strong Curves now doing Get Glutes) and only do cardio when I need to or I am cutting. I fuel my body adequately and never diet too low. I also eat everything. I love cooking and baking :)

  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    erinhollis wrote: »
    Hello, I can sympathize. We have this vision in our mind, and somehow it doesn't come out looking like the pictures in the advertisement or in magazines. I know that 80% of my problem is diet. I am good most days but I do eat out quite a bit for work and it can be hard on a restrictive diet. My workout regime is excellent most days. I am committed to six days a week and follow a program of mostly strength training and one day of all cardio. I just try to focus on small goals and keep pushing through my negative thoughts. I have come too far to drop out. And I know that I actually look better than my mind tells me. It's hard to see it through our own eyes. We need that third-party opinion.

    The other thing here is that pictures in advertisements and magazines are illusions...they have fantastic lighting and this thing called photoshop...
  • a_candler
    a_candler Posts: 209 Member
    I got to my goal weight of 140lbs, but at 6ft I came to realize that I was "too" skinny, especially on upper body. What I've come to realize is what others said, I need to increase strength training to tone my body to get the look I'm wanting. Because even at my lowest weight I was still jiggly. Others call that "skinny fat"
  • canadianlbs
    canadianlbs Posts: 5,199 Member
    i'm kind of working on this. i've already worked out that if i'm lifting the way i do, then i'm going to look different from the way i used to look even if i do ever take myself back to weighing 120-some pounds like i did when i was 25.

    some of that is not being 25 anymore. but a lot of it is the lifting itself. it's not kosher these days to say that i miss anything about my old skinnyfat look, but too bad. there are things about it that i miss, and that's truth. my body is simply different now that i've added muscles, and i'm getting accustomed to it.

    so i weigh 135ish right now, and i have muscles. there's stuff about that that i like, stuff i don't like, and stuff that's just not how i remember being. all of it takes mental adjustment, a little letting go in some ways, and a little time to get used to my new self.

    what i think counts most for me is: i like what i'm doing, so whether i like absolutely everything about the new me or not, it's probably going to be more or less the body i'll have for the next little while. but first i spent 49 years in the body i already had, so i'm allowing myself get-acquainted time.
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,573 Member
    I'm 5'4" with similar stats, though I'm a little bigger now at 140. I have been as low as 128 and don't think I look lean unless I'm under 135. I have a decent amount of muscle as well. Still, weight training helps.
  • joans1976
    joans1976 Posts: 2,201 Member
    edited October 2016
    FWIW, I think you look very good and fit. I would LOVE to look like you. Just a compliment, I'm not trying to say you can't be unhappy with your body. The grass is always greener huh?

    Someone earlier up thread said think about how you felt 30 pounds heavier. Look at before photos. Whatever you have to do to be a little more kind to yourself. I'm not saying give up on your goals, I'm just saying take it easy. Something you just did for the past 30 pounds worked, right?

    Good luck, I think you have achieved a lot and should be proud!

    ETA: take it easy on your self image and your soul. It needs all the TLC it can get!
  • half_moon
    half_moon Posts: 807 Member
    It's taken a few months, but I've slowly started to accept how I look. I think I was expecting my curves to kind of go away, and am realizing the dedication to the diet that it takes to look the way I want. I'm doing my best to focus on strength goals -- do strict pull ups, deadlift more than 200 pounds, etc. If I have something other than my body to pick at and focus on, I'm hoping I will start to have a healthier perspective on my goals.
  • half_moon
    half_moon Posts: 807 Member
    Unfortunately, since then, my weight hasn't changed. I'm stuck at about 137. So I've finally just stopped looking at the scale and expecting to see a perfect body reflected in the mirror each night. I just keep going to my training classes, and keep my meals on the weekend reasonable.
  • lorrpb
    lorrpb Posts: 11,463 Member
    Your body will continue to improve during maintenance as long as you continue the workout routine you describe. It takes A LOT of work to achieve a random perception of a "perfect body" and you seem to have a very high expectation. Your body image might well be achievable, but the time frame and amount of work might be different.
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