Desperate mothers plea for help...
strawberrydelight82
Posts: 2 Member
I've been overweight my whole life but over the last few years I've become the biggest I've ever been. It's totally depressing and starting to cause me more health issues and complicate the ones I already have. Dieting is hard for me and I don't feel I have any support in loosing weight. Everyone in my household could afford to loose a few pounds but no one wants to do it, so it makes it hard when I see them eating and cooking all the foods I like. I've tried so many things I'm just running out of ideas to motivate myself. Any ideas or suggestions I'm desperate I need to be here for my family and if I keep this weight on me I won't be.
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Replies
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I know it is really hard to hear but you have to be selfish. It is impossible to force others onto the same journey as you but you can inspire them.
The people I know who lose weight and keep it off are not afraid to say, I am off to the gym. Or I am cooking separately. Or no I wont eat your lovingly prepared sugary treats!
It is hard.... and this is more a case of me saying this as opposed to doing this myself. Because O struggle too. But once you start saying no and keep at it then it gets easier.
Your family have to see you are serious.
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The simple fact is, no one else can motivate you to choose a healthier lifestyle. You have to want to do it for yourself. Start with accurately logging your food, and create a realistic picture of what you are actually consuming. Start with small changes, and once you start seeing results, it creates motivation. Dieting is hard, but being overweight is hard, too. Choose your hard.10
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Just cut your portion sizes and stick to your calorie goal. I lost my weight eating all the foods I like. You can only change you and not everyone else. My husband did not need to lose weight so when I changed my eating habits I did not expect him to change his too. Get a food scale and weigh your foods. Set up a reasonable calorie goal and stick to it. Exercise is not necessary for weight loss, but it is really good for you. Start out by taking a 20 minute walk during the day and eating at your calorie goal. Or find an exercise that you enjoy. But don't exercise because you need to lose weight. You can do this and you don't need the support of your family. You also don't have to cut out all of the foods you like. You might just have to not eat them as often or all in the same day.8
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I agree with the first two responses. Selfishness is required. As moms (parents) we tend to put others before ourselves, but that only backfires in the long run. You have to take care of yourself in order to be there for others.
First and foremost, however, the proper mental state is required for success. Not to be harsh, but you have to get rid of the "woe is me, this is hard and no one helps me" mindset and replace it with I CAN change my habits and I CHOOSE to change my lifestyle.15 -
desperate people flock here looking for motivation. Actually, desperation is a great motivator. You legitimately sound desperate and for good reason.
Time to stop dreaming and start acting.
Setup yourself on this App properly and start following it. LOG YOUR FOOD! stay within the calorie allotment MFP provided based upon how you set it up (provided you did it correctly) and buy a food scale and weigh your food that you consume. solids in grams, liquids in ounces. You can eat what the fam is eating, but just less of it. Granted, there will come a time everyday when you have eaten up your allotment of calories. then its go time. resist, re-access the next day on how to spread those allotted calories better throughout the day so when they are gone, the food is put away for the day..so to speak.
you have to start somewhere. start there ^. Forget the failures..there will be failures. tomorrow is a new day. do NOT under ANY circumstances let a single meal/day ruin the entire week. its a day/meal. move on the get back on the path.12 -
The only thing you need to do to lose weight is eat less.
You don't need anybody to help you.
You don't need to eat specific foods.
You don't need to jump into exercising first thing.
Start with the most basic step, which is eating a little bit less. Eat 1 scoop of mashed potatoes instead of 2, 2 eggs instead of 3, half the amount of butter on your toast as normal, etc. Small changes can and will add up.21 -
Portion control is so important. You can eat with your family but you should find out what a correct portion of the food is and weigh or measure it. Make sure you log everything you eat I have logged 5 chips, it was a small amount but I ate it so I logged it. have a cookie or a piece of cake don't restrict yourself from eating what you love that can lead to binge eating and you don't want that. Log everything and be honest if you go over on calories remember that it is not a failure because weight loss is a long process and has it's ups and downs but tomorrow is a new day. Just focus on portion size and try to stay at a calorie deficit.3
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Hey there,
I'm a mother of 2 boys under 3 years of age. I'm 5'3 and started at 290 pounds. That's pretty friggin big. (Currently 222.2)
I started my journey in mid April after reading a comment that changed my life. "Why can't you eat a chocolate bar if it fits in your calories? You can!"
In the past I had tried restrictive diets like LCHF, strictly "clean" eating, and they all resulted in a trip to BINGE town and I always gave up after.
This time I told myself time was going by either way. I dropped the idea of losing the weight quickly and adapted an attitude that a year goes by wether I'm fat or losing some weight.
I focus on hitting my protein goal now (didn't at first) & the rest is fair game. I enjoy chocolate & carbs. They aren't going anywhere. Now I just PLAN for them.
It's been a little over 6 months & I'm down 67 pounds. And that's with going over my calorie limit on occasion.
Focus on hitting your calorie goal first. Macros (carbs, fat protein) & healthier choices will naturally come when you start making choices about what's more satisfying and worth the calories.
And USE A FOOD SCALE. No, seriously. You need one.27 -
OP I hear you. When family members do not need to lose weight and are able to eat more of the food you love than you it is one thing - you just have to accept it. When family members are overweight/obese, eating as they want but getting at you for wanting to lose weight and get healthier it is another - that's sabotage! By wanting to get slimmer and healthier you make them look at themselves and they don't like that so they will do anything to deter you. Either way you have to just do your own thing.....for YOU...because you're worth it!!5
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Just as no-one else can make you lose weight, you can't make anyone else do it, either. Like all meaningful change, it comes from within. So you have to forge your own path. Maybe you'll inspire someone. But if you wait for your family to join you, you could be waiting a long time. Better to start now. I agree with others - portion control. Eat the same food, just eat less, track everything and be consistent.
Good luck! You can do this.5 -
It can be really hard to turn away from abundantly eating all the foods and snacks you love, but it feels so much better when you are taking care of your health. And maybe your family members will see you take charge of your health and they'll become motivated to make change themselves.2
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It is hard, but you have to be ready, mentally, to do it. No one in my house has EVER needed or wanted to lose weight. It was very hard when my kids were younger. But I just have to say NO to a lot of things. I am also the cook in the house and they eat what I make. I generally try to make normal foods but I eat much smaller portions. I did have to stop making things like mac and cheese and tater tots and all that wonderful junk because my portions would have been SOOO tiny.0
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Cook your own food. Eat your own food. Wash your own plates. You win.4
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I understand your feelings completely!
I have three children and an very hungry man who would turn up their noses at the idea of eating "diet food" as they call it.
I still cook for my family as I always have (macaroni and cheese, roast, enchiladas, fried pork chops, etc.) and I still eat with my family as I always have. The difference now is that I have brown rice instead of white rice or only 4oz. of roast instead of a whole plate. I am learning to swap somethings for healthier options and if I really really want something I make sure I have room for it in my daily calories.
For example (maybe not the best one, but it's true)- I know I will be socializing tonight, I logged my wine for the evening and disbursed the rest of the calories between my meals. It's a choice I am making to drink the wine therefore I log it and cut back somewhere else in order to have it.
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A lot has already been said. I am sure I will reiterate some.
There's no reason to deprive yourself of the foods you love while you're losing weight. You can eat ANYTHING you want while doing it, you just need to teach yourself the proper portions and calorie content so you can eat those foods and lose weight. It's all about limiting calories, not restricting what types of foods you can eat and not eat. Of course, you'll probably find you are less hungry if you eat more low-calorie foods but that can simply mean having a smaller portion of the main dish everyone else is eating and filling up on green veggies, not starchy ones. If you want a treat after dinner then have one as long as you have enough calories for it. That's the beauty of counting calories!
You will have difficulty losing weight until it is something you want badly enough that you are willing to put in the effort to make it happen, regardless of the short term sacrifices. You'll see a lot of people here talking about that moment when it "clicked" for them.
If you're being a martyr about the process and keeping telling yourself and those around you how much it sucks, you make it harder than it needs to be. You also make it less likely that your family will be inspired to lose weight, too. Start believing that what you are doing is important and that you want to be successful regardless of whether or not anyone else supports you, tries to sabotage you, etc. Negative self talk makes it harder, positive self talk can help lead you to success.
Motivation comes from within. There is no one who can "give" it to you. You can be inspired by others, however, so find people who do just that. There's a success stories area in these message boards; read some of them. Make a list of why you want to lose weight and change your life. You listed some of those above. Post it somewhere like your bathroom mirror where you'll see it every day. Even when you are motivated it is never at the same level from day to day. Develop good routines and habits that will carry you forward when your motivation is low.8 -
You can eat the same foods just change to the appropriate portion size. Add more vegetable to your plate.
Log your food as accurately as you can. Stick to your calorie deficit.
In my house I feel I have enormous control over food. I plan the meals, I make the grocery list, I cook the meals. I prelog my food for the whole day. I eat food I like every day. I plan snacks. We eat out 1 meal a week and I plan my order there too. My family eats the same food they always did and so do I. It is very sustainable.4 -
Thank you all for the tips and suggestions.2
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How are you doing OP?0
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oliverneedsyou wrote: »Hey there,
I'm a mother of 2 boys under 3 years of age. I'm 5'3 and started at 290 pounds. That's pretty friggin big. (Currently 222.2)
I started my journey in mid April after reading a comment that changed my life. "Why can't you eat a chocolate bar if it fits in your calories? You can!"
In the past I had tried restrictive diets like LCHF, strictly "clean" eating, and they all resulted in a trip to BINGE town and I always gave up after.
This time I told myself time was going by either way. I dropped the idea of losing the weight quickly and adapted an attitude that a year goes by wether I'm fat or losing some weight.
I focus on hitting my protein goal now (didn't at first) & the rest is fair game. I enjoy chocolate & carbs. They aren't going anywhere. Now I just PLAN for them.
It's been a little over 6 months & I'm down 67 pounds. And that's with going over my calorie limit on occasion.
Focus on hitting your calorie goal first. Macros (carbs, fat protein) & healthier choices will naturally come when you start making choices about what's more satisfying and worth the calories.
And USE A FOOD SCALE. No, seriously. You need one.
Really solid advice2 -
Look up websites like skinnytaste for tasty recipes that have much less calories than the 'real' thing. Buy more fresh veggies and fruit and less cookies/candy.3
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OP you seem ready. We will be rooting for you!0
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My advice is do this for you, this is your journey no one else's. And monkey see monkey do. Be the example. Without a word my kids saw me day in day out exercise prep my meals eat my foods and one day hey mom can I have what your having? Or I want a salad like you mom! ( crazy? But true it happened to me!) I did have to have talks with them about certain foods I just can't have around me certain times it too tempting and a fight for me ( so my hubby stopped buying Nutella or chocolate for awhile or we strategically hid it from me so I would not eat it)
While it would be so easy to eat the same I had to learn I can't eat foods my kids eat, or have a very tiny portion but ultimately in time I learned I wanted to spend my calories more wisely and after awhile those foods were yucky tasting to me.
And finding a diet that was effortless to stick to was the biggest thing for me! No need to cheat or feel deprived. It's a struggle not to eat as much as you are used to but u do adjust. Learning how to weigh my food, calorie count, and accurately track foods, meal plan, meal prep and exercise were huge things in my actual weight loss journey and learning my magic number I lose at.
In time with consistency it becomes a habit and sooner or later your family will join you! It takes awhile so be patient!0 -
There's some good advice here. I second @Francl27 's advice to try some recipes on Skinny Taste - lots of family favorites with calories and other nutritional info plotted out. If you're cooking, you might find some recipes there both you and your family enjoy without going totally off the rails from what you're normally making.
Having a general plan for what I'm going to eat in a week has probably been the single most beneficial step for my weight loss. I have lower-calorie standards for lunch on days I'm going to restaurant, getting Chinese with my boyfriend, whatever - planning is how I can eat most things in moderation and not miss out on social events involving food.
So maybe try planning meals with your family ahead of time - see what they want to eat, think about what you want to eat, and figure out a way to make it happen. Weight loss doesn't have to be boring or bland. Mix and match to suit your needs:
Cut your portion sizes
Make the main dish your family suggests and pair with a lower calorie side you want or the other way around
Have a 'fend for yourself' night where everyone grabs what they want
Have a night where everyone tries a new food
Cook with your kids so they learn what goes into their meals
Meal prep so you have ready-to-go food you're comfortable with while they eat what they want for dinner
Pre-portion snacks when they come in to the house so you don't have a whole family-sized bag within reach
Use behavioral strategies to break down food habits - use a smaller plate and spend time making it look nice before eating, eat all food sitting down at a table, keep serving bowls in the kitchen instead of on the dining table so you have to consciously think about grabbing a second helping, drink a glass of water and wait 10 minutes before indulging a craving, etc.1 -
The only thing you need to do to lose weight is eat less.
You don't need anybody to help you.
You don't need to eat specific foods.
You don't need to jump into exercising first thing.
Start with the most basic step, which is eating a little bit less. Eat 1 scoop of mashed potatoes instead of 2, 2 eggs instead of 3, half the amount of butter on your toast as normal, etc. Small changes can and will add up.
Awesome advice, drilled down to the most important bits. Do this for you. Don't worry about everybody else. If they don't like what you cook, they can cook for themselves. Make changes slowly. Little by little, the weight will come off. You can do this. Many of us got here by desperation.0 -
The best thing I have done is set myself up with a group of people who keep me accountable, invite me to run or walk with them and share our meal ideas and then if I'm tempted to cheat I can text them but we also all weigh in mo day mornings and report our losses or gains0
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Hey, Momma, you have solidarity here! It's so hard to realize that unless you take care of YOURSELF, you won't be the best mother and wife you can be. If you don't pay attention to what you eat and get exercise, you won't be around that long, and you can't set a good example for your family.
You have the right and duty to provide healthy, balanced food for you and your family--that doesn't mean no goodies once in a while! And you don't have to give up "normal" food, just rebalance it. If they don't like it, they can buy it an prepare it themselves. (It's not that much fun once they realize how much work cooking really is).1 -
If you have a tendency to finish your children's food/drink, start by NEVER eating their leftovers. I stopped eating after my kids when I got tired of catching every bug and runny nose they brought home... and I was always the last in the family to come down with whatever it was. If my children even drank from my glass, I quietly left it sit and got another drink later. It worked! I stopped getting sick so often, but the BONUS was that I lost about 10 lbs without even trying!!!0
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Take the lead and set by example. Looking at it this way may help you stay on target even with foods that may tempt you.
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