My Own Worst Critic

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AniMarieSt
AniMarieSt Posts: 119 Member
in Motivation and Support
So, is it wrong that I struggled making this video (http://youtu.be/kJsc4XkmluI) because I didn't like seeing myself in the clips?

I thought it would take me a half hour...maybe 2 hours tops to say the lines I'd written out.

To my shock it took me TWO DAYS.

I didn't like how I sounded.

I didn't like the wording I chose.

I didn't like my hair, or skin, or the angle of the camera.

It's as if I'm comfortable with myself until I really SEE myself.

And then I get so mad at myself - that I'm not comfortable with really seeing myself.

Why do I pick myself apart!

Earlier this afternoon my b/f said that I was starting to look too skinny because you can see my collar bones - that they were sticking out on me to him from across the table. But I feel I have another 12 lbs to go.

Does anyone else get frustrated with how critical you are of yourself? I couldn't care less what the rest of the world looks like. But me - I have to look presentable at all times. Make up, hair, clothes, etc.

I don't know.

Replies

  • k8edge
    k8edge Posts: 380
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    First off...

    You look fab...! Serious... You sound fine. Don't be so hard on yourself...

    Second...

    What a wonderful thing to do... GOOD LUCK!
  • Katie320
    Katie320 Posts: 61 Member
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    Why? Why do I pick myself apart!

    Bah!

    I don't know! But I know I do this too. We criticize parts of our body and then beat ourselves up because we don't have high self-esteem (whatever that means), self confidence or that we can't see our own "inner beauty." It's such a vicious cycle.

    I have nothing to offer except to commiserate. I had a similar moment this morning as I was trying on my wedding dress after the final round of alterations. It's a gorgeous gown that fits me beautifully. But when I had it on, all I could see was one little part that didn't look perfect (the little mounds of skin by my armpits that spill over the top of the bodice). All I wanted was a different dress! Then I felt bad for being so shallow and critical of myself.

    So, yeah, I get it. I wish I had some advice, but I don't. Just, I guess, to remember that this kind of thinking will get us no where.
  • AniMarieSt
    AniMarieSt Posts: 119 Member
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    It's a gorgeous gown that fits me beautifully. But when I had it on, all I could see was one little part that didn't look perfect (the little mounds of skin by my armpits that spill over the top of the bodice). All I wanted was a different dress! Then I felt bad for being so shallow and critical of myself.

    So, yeah, I get it. I wish I had some advice, but I don't. Just, I guess, to remember that this kind of thinking will get us no where.

    That's too funny because I have a bathing suit that fits great except for (in my mind) the same little mounds of skin.

    I know it gets me no where and that's why I get so frustrated that I think that way. I know it's silly.

    I have days where I know that I'm "the shizit" (you know...the good, healthy way to see yourself) ... and then times when it takes me two freakin days to make a simple video.

    Just so frustrating.
  • Katie320
    Katie320 Posts: 61 Member
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    I know! So stupid. Here I am, getting married to a man I love to pieces and all I can focus on is about 3 square inches of normal fat and skin that doesn't look the most flattering. Ugh.

    I'm thinking of maybe taping a little piece of paper over each spot until I am no longer in front of mirrors. Pull 'em off for the photos. That should, err...help?
  • hillbillygeek
    hillbillygeek Posts: 16
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    So, is it wrong that I struggled making this video (http://youtu.be/kJsc4XkmluI) because I didn't like seeing myself in the clips?

    How much experience do you have in public speaking, especially in the area of film/video production? Have you had an experienced producer or production assistant review the video for you? How much time have you spent in front of a public camera (even if it's just your webcam used for a general mass audience)?

    The reason why I ask is that I think what you are describing sounds identical to what most beginners go through in public speaking - especially when they get recorded on audio/video. The best way to overcome this is simply to continue doing it until it become comfortable to you.

    I've every confidence that you're experiencing beginner's paranoia and that you will be just fine. Just keep on keepin on!

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