Advice on how to deal with a "skinny" Friend

amysuemartin718
amysuemartin718 Posts: 99 Member
in Motivation and Support
My best friend ( sadly only friend) is very supportive of my weight loss to a degree. She is always telling me shes proud of me, that I've come a long way etc. But, she is like 5"5' and 130lbs and wears and size 6 and is obsessed with her weight and appearance and she says she eats healthy but really doesn't. Here is my problem- when I tell her I've lost weight she says awesome lets go celebrate lets gets pizza! She always sends me pictures of the cookies or junk food, comfort food shes eating and when I say something about not being able to eat them ( 1. Im borderline diabetic and 2. don't want to cheat 3. don't really have the calories for the day) she says just go for it eat one, cheat it won't hurt you. I have very nicely said, sorry can't do that, or don't have enough calories for the day etc to her but she just doesn't get it. Today she sent me a picture of a cookie she was eating and posted, SHHHH don't tell, then she says making mac n cheese and that she will make it for me one day. OMG I just want to slap her! How would you tell your friend without pissing her off to please stop!
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Replies

  • quiksylver296
    quiksylver296 Posts: 28,439 Member
    edited November 2016
    TR0berts wrote: »
    Dear Friend,

    As you know I'm trying to lose weight. While I think you mean this in good fun, when you send me these pictures and tempt me with foods, it hinders my progress. Please don't send me any more of those pictures. Feel free to send shirtless pictures of [insert favorite celebrity] anytime, though!

    Thanks!

    Tom Hardy, Channing Tatum or Dwayne Johnson, specifically! LOL

    I agree with needing to tell her, very directly, that you don't want her to send food pics or tempt with food.
  • Luckadea
    Luckadea Posts: 19 Member
    edited November 2016
    Just ask her nicely not to share those pictures with you because you are trying to lose weight?
    If she insists on you cheating, then maybe it's better to spend less time with her and more time with friends who support your weight loss goals. Just a thought.
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,262 Member
    you are borderline diabetic, ask your friend if she wants you to become ill
    i have never been sent pictures of food my friends or family are eating. its just really wierd.
  • Cbestinme
    Cbestinme Posts: 397 Member
    All of the above, plus make some new friends & also have new topics to share with your best friend (not only food ) :)
  • amysuemartin718
    amysuemartin718 Posts: 99 Member
    Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice!!!!
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    Makes you wonder what kind of friend she is. But be honest and tell her that you're trying to lose weight and it's hard for you when she sends you pictures and talk about food. If she really doesn't get it... ignore all the food texts. Maybe she'll get the message?
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    Run through the list of complications that can come from having poorly controlled diabetes over the long run. Let her know that you are doing your best to improve your health and reduce your risk of experiencing these things, and that you would really prefer to have her support on this. If she still isn't able to support you, delete.
  • amysuemartin718
    amysuemartin718 Posts: 99 Member
    Once again thank you everyone for your words of advice and support. Looks like I will be telling her to please stop and I will not worry how she takes it.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    If she is your best friend you should be able to tell her to stop doing something or tell her how she can support you. Bring up how hard it is to stick to your goals sometimes and how important it is for your health that you do.
  • Sara1791
    Sara1791 Posts: 760 Member
    Maybe she's trying to subtly show you that you can be at a healthy weight and still have some treats?

    You should talk to her about it, tell her how you feel and let her tell you how she feels. You might not agree, but you can still understand and respect each other's opinions.
  • ClubSilencio
    ClubSilencio Posts: 2,983 Member
    Tell her to stuff it.

    Real friends should be comfortable enough to let each other know when to "shut the front door".

  • Elise4270
    Elise4270 Posts: 8,375 Member
    Send her a pic of your BM in return. Brag about how awesome it was!
  • comptonelizabeth
    comptonelizabeth Posts: 1,701 Member
    I'd say she's threatened. I think this happens also to recovering alcoholics and I know from experience it happens when you quit smoking.
    I suffer from a bowel disorder which means there are many foods I can't eat. My friends know this yet still persist in trying to get me to eat curry/pizza/fill in the blank. I've stopped trying to explain. Just ignore it if you can,or smile sweetly and change the subject :smile:
  • healthy491
    healthy491 Posts: 384 Member
    Just tell her to keep what she is eating to herself as you dont really need to know
    How is she that skinny and eats all that stuff though?
  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 9,285 Member
    I agree with others she might be fearful of the dynamics of relationship changing but also I think she is enjoying teasing you and you are enabling that by reacting.

    You have asked her not to do it. I wouldn't ask any more, I would just disengage from it - ie don't talk about your weight with her and ignore pics of food, delete them as soon as you get them and if she asks ( and only if she asks, don't bring it up yourself) if you got them just say I deleted it, I don t want to see food pics. Just that unemotionally and without detail - take the enjoyment out of it for her.

    As somebody else said she will get bored with it if there is no reaction, and will probably stop. If she doesn't stop, just delete, ignore, don't react - if you can't change her, control what you do about it.
    Make it a non- Issue for you.
  • courtneyfabulous
    courtneyfabulous Posts: 1,863 Member
    healthy491 wrote: »
    Just tell her to keep what she is eating to herself as you dont really need to know
    How is she that skinny and eats all that stuff though?

    I used to wonder how my thin friends eat the things they do and yet stay thin...

    It might seem like magic, but they usually either have a fast metabolism or higher maintenance calories than average (tall, very active, etc), or something wrong with their digestion (I have one friend who stays thin no matter what she eats but has Crohn's disease so weight loss is a common symptom of that), or they just don't eat very often or vey much so although the foods they choose are high calorie their overall calories for the day aren't over maintenance.

    Also they can eat a lot more calories than those of us who are trying to lose weight because they're just maintaining their weight- so they don't need to be in a deficit.

  • canadianlbs
    canadianlbs Posts: 5,199 Member
    i'm not sure she is teasing/needling. could be . . . but another thing that happens among 'thin' women is a whole bonding meme around this concept of going through cycles of deprivation/reward . . . together.

    i've heard it from or between friends all my life. only reason i never went along with it/got into it was because i wasn't going to admit that any such thing as a 'diet' might be a good thing in my case.

    just saying that if the friend is valuable to the op and something like that's going on, then 'ditch the *kitten*! she's jealous' might not be where this is actually at.
  • courtneyfabulous
    courtneyfabulous Posts: 1,863 Member
    amandapleighse92 wrote: »
    i had friend who did this to me. It was so annoying . I started sending her thinspo every time she did it and she quit after a while

    Ha! Nice.

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